Mina Starsiak Hawk Is ‘Still Scared and Anxious a Lot of the Time’ After ‘Hardest’ Year
“Making the changes I’ve made in the last year has been one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life," the HGTV star wrote in a series of Instagram Stories
Mina Starsiak Hawk is answering fans’ questions about the life changes she’s made since her long-running series, Good Bones, came to an end in October.
In a series of Instagram stories posted Thursday, the HGTV star shared her responses after asking her followers what they wanted to know while filling some free time before a flight home.
Prompted by a query about the recent changes in her professional life, she wrote, “Making the changes I’ve made in the last year has been one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life; mentally and emotionally; 100x harder than even dealing with infertility. And doing it in the spotlight makes it that much harder.”
Starsiak Hawk went on to say that she still doesn’t feel “settled” or like she’s in the “next phase” of her life.
Mina Starsiak/Instagram
“I’m still scared and anxious a lot of the time, but I know where I want to land (at least personally) and am just working towards that,” she continued. “And trying to not screw up along the way. We’ll see where my career lands once I get a good handle on the rest.”
When someone else wanted to know “the best and worst outcome” of the recent changes, Starsiak Hawk replied that the worst is “being misunderstood.”
Related: Mina Starsiak Hawk Will Reopen Recently Closed 2 Chicks District Co. Store in a New City (Exclusive)
“People fill in the blanks based on their own personal experiences I’ve found, not typically with facts,” she added.
However, the best is that the Band-Aid “has been ripped off.”
“The hardest part is done,” she explained. “I get to make new choices or re-choose things I had fallen out of love with. Getting to choose my store *again* is a privilege and one I’m excited about.”
Mina Starsiak/Instagram
Starsiak Hawk revealed to PEOPLE last month that she’s looking forward to "a nice fresh start" as she’s planning to reopen her recently closed Indianapolis store, 2 Chicks District Co., in a new city.
Its next incarnation will be in Noblesville, Indiana, about 30 miles north of Indianapolis.
Mina and husband Steve Hawk, who share 5-year-old son Jack and 3-year-old daughter Charlie, are even looking at homes to renovate there.
Another fan asked whether having a show and a business ever overwhelmed Mina.
“Almost every day of the last 5 years of my life,” she answered. “I’m working really hard at creating some balance by making some different life choices, continuing seeing my therapist and a little dose of Wellbutrin.”
In a December episode of her podcast, Mina AF, she shared that she’d been “feeling funky” following a work-related disappointment.
After opening up abut an opportunity she thought was a sure thing falling through, she said, “When I get in that space, I realize what is happening is I’m just doing a lot of comparison to a lot of people that I shouldn’t,” she said. “I’m making so many changes and so many decisions and not knowing if they’re the right ones or the good ones or the ones that are going to backfire.”
Mina Starsiak/Instagram
She continued, “I’m just constantly questioning everything I do, or don’t do. And every once in a while it just kind of gets to me when I am feeling a little bit, I don’t know, I guess vulnerable. I let that outside s--- creep in."
Some of that discomfort comes from comparing herself to her fellow HGTV stars, she said: "[I] see someone else doing something on the network that’s like, ‘Why wasn’t I asked to do that?’ or whatever it is.”
Mina — who’s been candid about her falling out with her mom and costar Karen E. Laine and her brother Tad — acknowledged the challenges that came with finding fame on the show in a previous episode of her podcast released ahead of Good Bones’ series finale.
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“I think I knew … that this was going to be hard and it was going to challenge relationships, because when you put anything under a spotlight, in a pressure cooker, there’s the opportunity to explode,” she said. “And I myself am not stable enough to not explode at times."
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