In new memoir, Santa Paula author finds purpose in grief
Santa Paula author Laurel Braitman grew up with an existential worry.
Her father, Howard Braitman, was diagnosed in 1981 with aggressive bone cancer and given a roughly 6-month prognosis to live.
"We never knew how much time we were going to have," the 45-year-old author said Tuesday. "He was constantly saying goodbye to us, and then he'd get a stay."
The elder Braitman, a former surgeon at Community Memorial Hospital in Ventura, died in 1995 at age 56. He prepared Laurel and her brother for his eventual death by teaching them how to fix a carburetor and other life skills.
He also left his daughter a list of things he wanted her to accomplish, including writing a New York Times bestseller and getting a doctorate.
"I went down that list like it was written in stone," she said. "I did that because that's what I thought he wanted me to do."
Laurel Braitman thought if she accomplished the tasks, maybe she could bring her father back or ease the pain of losing him.
"But then I did all the things and it didn't work," she said.
The story and lessons she learned are one of many included in her new memoir, "What Looks Like Bravery," which will be available for sale online and in stores on March 14.
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Braitman, whose previous book "Animal Madness" was a New York Times bestseller, will sign her Simon & Schuster memoir from 3-6 p.m. on March 18 at the Ojai Deer Lodge, 2261 Maricopa Highway.
Megan Murai, who owns Timbre Books in midtown Ventura with her husband Kyle, will sell the books at the event. Braitman's book mentions a lot of local references including summer camp at the beach in Ventura, Balboa Middle School and a Santa Paula ranch, she said.
"I think it will resonate a lot with people who know this area well," Murai said.
Braitman earned a doctorate in history and anthropology of science from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. She is now director of writing and storytelling for the Stanford School of Medicine's medical humanities program.
The title of Braitman's book plays off a sentence in the book that reads: "What looks like bravery is often us being scared of something more."
She said she spent a lot of her life doing and accomplishing things other people might say were brave, like leaving home at a young age, working on grizzly bear research at age 21 and going to the Amazon to study tropical fish.
"These things challenged me but they didn't really scare me," Braitman said. "What scared me and took me awhile was feeling my own negative feelings."
Braitman said she ultimately learned you shouldn't try to avoid grief but accept it for what it is.
"It allows you to experience wonder and awe and joy more powerfully," she said. "I spent too long being scared of it without realizing it's actually a superpower."
For more information, visit www.laurelbraitman.com
Wes Woods II covers West County for the Ventura County Star. Reach him at wesley.woodsii@vcstar.com, 805-437-0262 or @JournoWes.
This article originally appeared on Ventura County Star: In new memoir, Santa Paula author finds purpose in grief
