Melissa Villaseñor says she left SNL due to panic attacks: 'I always felt like I was on the edge of a cliff'
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Melissa Villaseñor opened up about the decision to step away from Saturday Night Live.
The impressions extraordinaire became the first Latina cast member when she joined the sketch comedy series during season 42 back in 2016. After six seasons, Villaseñor departed ahead of the current season 48 alongside Alex Moffat, Aristotle Athari, and others in September. Her exit stemmed from the desire to focus on her mental health, Villaseñor recently shared in Daily Beast's The Last Laugh podcast.
"It was my decision. I gave myself a lot of time in the summer to think on it and kind of play out in my head if I go back," Villaseñor explained. "At the end of the day it was about my mental health." The comedian said she struggled with panic attacks during the last season. "I was struggling," she said. "I always felt like I was on the edge of a cliff every week. And I was like, I don't want to be doing that to myself anymore."
Will Heath/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images Melissa Villaseñor on 'Saturday Night Live'
Villaseñor continued, "It's not like the show was mean towards me or anyone. It was just how I handle things. I think I'm an introvert. When I'm in a big group of a lot of amazing people, and everyone's speaking over everyone else, I think I tend to get small. I get nervous, like, where do I fit? What am I supposed to do? That's how I was in high school, too. And so I think that's what caused it."
That's not to say the decision came easy. "There was just something telling me, I think I could part ways. It was super hard because I love Lorne [Michaels, creator of SNL]!" Villaseñor said. "And I am so grateful for all of them for having me. And I shared with them that this was my kid dream. This is all I wanted as a kid. So I'm going to carry that forever in my heart, that I got to experience that in my life."
Villaseñor, a fan favorite due to her on point impressions on the show (Dolly Parton, Gwen Stefani, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the list goes on), recently told EW that it wasn't until her final season with the show that she began to feel truly empowered. "I think through the years of me being there, I shared a lot of impressions, celebrity impressions and singing impressions, and I've always done that," she said. "But last season was really special because I shared a character that was based on my Uncle Caesar."
"I did that on Weekend Update and that one brought me the most joy because it was embracing my family, my Mexican family," Villaseñor continued. "I had their photos, my brother, my Tia Lola, my abuelita… and I was like, 'I can't believe they're here. They're in this segment.' I'm just embracing everything more. I think when I got this show and they're like, 'Oh, the first Latina.' I was like, 'Hey, no, don't pressure me!' I'm second generation, I'm so Americanized. And I'm like, 'Oh God, I hope I'm good enough. I hope I did a good job and I tried my best.'"
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