Melissa Etheridge on the Weed-Induced Trip That Prompted Life-Changing Spiritual Awakening (Exclusive)

The star opens up to PEOPLE about how her 2003 experience inspired a mantra of "choose love," which proved helpful as she grieved the loss of her son Beckett in 2020

When Melissa Etheridge sat down to enjoy a particularly potent batch of weed cookies in 2003, she didn’t expect it to change her life.

But change her life it did, so much so that the Grammy- and Oscar-winning singer now looks at her 62 years as a before and after that fateful night.

Etheridge tells PEOPLE that the psychedelic trip — one she recounts in her new book Talking to My Angels (out now) — was something of a spiritual awakening for her, as it gave her a peek at the inner workings of the world, and inspired a new mantra: everything, even the bad stuff, is made of love, and it’s up to you to choose to see it.

“There’s always contrast [in life]. There’s light and dark, there’s good and bad, there’s up and down,” she explains. “That’s what makes this world, is that it’s a world of duality. And so you realize that there is wanted, and the lack of it, so you’re always going to have those two sides. And I have the choice of which side I can look at. The more you choose [love]... the more that becomes your reality.”

The idea of choosing light is one that has never been more helpful for Etheridge than in recent years; in May 2020, she lost her son Beckett, 21, to an opioid overdose. As she continues to grieve her monumental loss, she’s still opting for love.

Related: Melissa Etheridge Reveals She Felt 'Helpless' as Son Battled Addiction Before Fatal Opioid Overdose

“I can look at my son’s death as a great loss, or I can look at it as his time here was a great time of living and learning,” she says. “He’s taught me so much, and I find great comfort in him in the non-physical.”

Beckett was one of two children Etheridge shares with ex Julie Cypher (They’re also parents to daughter Bailey, 26). She and ex-wife Tammy Lynn Michaels also share 17-year-old twins Miller and Johnnie.

Beckett was just 17 years old when a snowboarding injury led to an opioid addiction. Though Etheridge tried repeatedly to get her son help, there reached a point where she says she was helpless as she watched him struggle for years with addiction.

The “Come to My Window” singer says that writing the book — which dives in to Beckett’s struggles and the ways in which Etheridge has learned to cope with his death — wasn’t something she felt she had to do, but rather something she wanted to do.

“I’ve experienced enough that I knew I had always lived very truthfully, and I always told people what was going on with me, from coming out to cancer, and just really felt a great power in being upfront and open,” she says. “I knew that this was not an exception, that this was something I wanted to share with those who wanted to know just how I walked through my son’s death, and how I still, every day, keep a bright outlook. It’s not easy.”

Related: Bailey Cypheridge Tells PEOPLE What It's Like Growing Up on the Road with Melissa Etheridge (Exclusive)

The process of writing Talking to My Angels was “very healing” for the star, who says its origins date back to conversations she found herself having with Linda Wallem, the TV producer she married in 2014.

“During the pandemic, I just sat down and started telling her stories. She went through it also, so we would share and comfort each other,” she says. “We started recording those conversations so that when it came time to actually write the book, I had pieces of what I wanted to say.”

The singer-songwriter admits she felt guilty at times as she watched Beckett wrestle with his demons — but realizing there was only so much she could do to ease his pain was a helpful realization, as was the fact that she knew her son wouldn’t want her to torture herself over what she could not control.

“I have a belief about the human mind and thoughts and emotions — we have more power over them,” she says. “I always have to remember that I’m thinking my thoughts, they’re not thinking me. I have power and control over how I feel.”

She continues: “No one can save anyone else, everyone makes their own choices, and you can only be an inspiration to someone through your example — if I truly believe that, then taking on any sort of guilt or sadness or shame is futile,” she continues. “It doesn’t serve me, it doesn’t serve him. It doesn’t make him happier. I’m closer to him now when I am in my joy.”

As she leans in to joy, Etheridge is continuing to do things that bring her happiness. Making the list is her Broadway show Melissa Etheridge: My Window, which recently debuted at the Circle in the Square Theatre for a limited engagement.

The deeply personal show combines stories of Etheridge’s life with her classic hits, and is something she wrote with Wallem (“It’s so great to have a sounding board that I really, really trust… I mean, she’s a master,” the star says of Wallem).

“It’s funny, when you’re in the middle of dreams coming true, it just feels like any other thing I’ve ever worked on,” she says, giving a shoutout to her wife and other collaborators. “I give it my all. It’s such an incredible piece of art that we’re putting together, and Broadway is the place that provides the palette to be able to do this. I get so lost when I sing and play, and it’s such a release that it feels so good. I remember, ‘Oh yeah, this is what it feels like to feel so good. I’m just extremely grateful for it all.”

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