Melania Trump
On Stephen Colbert’s Late Show, First Lady Melania Trump (Laura Benanti) had to deliver the First Couple’s annual Merry Christmas message by herself, when she got word her husband, President Donald Trump is running late “which is surprising because I’ve never seen him running before,” she acknowledges
With Don Jr. and Eric out hunting endangered red-nosed reindeer and unavailable to fill in for President Trump, Melania guesses she will have to do what she does best “distract from his failures.”
“Maybe I’ll put on an offensive Christmas-themed jacket,” she says, pointing to her latest khaki-green message jacket, on the back of which is printed: I Really Don’t Care, Do Yule?
Holiday production number follows:
It used to be illegal to say Merry Christmas.
You’d be punished at the slightest mention,
But now you’re free to say Merry Christmas all year,
Unless you’re a migrant child in detention. Boo hoo!
After her husband calls to say he won’t be home for Christmas Eve, Melania concludes, “If Donald’s not going to be here I’ll have to do what I did back when we shared a bed: finish without him!” and begins to sing again:
Oh I can’t believe
my Christmas wish came true.
I’ll be home for Christmas
Without you-know-who!
It’s a time for sharing
with the ones you hold dear.
But the one I hold dear
is right here in the mirror.
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