Meghan McCain is opening up about a "horrendous" miscarriage she recently suffered.
"The View" co-host, 34, revealed in an op-ed for the New York Times Friday that she lost a pregnancy weeks ago, writing, "To the end of my days I will remember this child."
"My miscarriage was a horrendous experience and I would not wish it upon anyone," she writes. "I loved my baby, and I always will."
McCain, who married conservative pundit Ben Domenech in November 2017, said she could sense her pregnancy before visiting the doctors, the same way she knew she was miscarrying. She got confirmation she was losing her child "at the worst possible time," she writes, ahead of a glossy photo shoot for her ABC talk show.
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"I look back at those pictures now, and I see a woman hiding her shock and sorrow," McCain says. "I am posed for the camera, looking stern and strong, representing my fellow conservative women across the country. But inside, I am dying. Inside, my baby is dying."
The TV personality says she spent a lot of time blaming herself for not being able to carry her pregnancy to full term.
"I blamed my age, I blamed my personality. I blamed everything and anything a person could think of," McCain says, including her "high-pressure, high-visibility, high-stress" job on the daytime talk show. "This, I told myself, is the reason my body is a rock-strewn wasteland in which no child may live."
To make matters worse, McCain says her brief absence from "The View" sparked speculation about her whereabouts, taking away from her time to privately mourn.
"This was not supposed to be public knowledge. I have had my share of public grief and public joy," McCain writes. "I wish this grief – the grief of a little life begun and then lost – could remain private."
She continues: "What followed was a deep opening of shame."
McCain credits her faith with reminding her that "life and death are beyond our power."
"I am not hiding anymore…Women need to be able to speak about this publicly, without the stigma and the lack of knowledge that pervades the issue," she says.
McCain continues: "I have love for all the women who, like me, were briefly in the sisterhood of motherhood, hoping, praying and nursing joy within us, until the day the joy was over. You are not alone."
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The co-host says she now finds comfort knowing that her unborn child will be in heaven with her father, the late Arizona Sen. John McCain, who died in Aug. 25, 2018 from cancer.
"When my father passed, I took refuge in the hope that someday we would be united in the hereafter," she writes. "Now I imagine it a bit differently. There is my father — and he is holding his granddaughter in his hands."
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Meghan McCain opens up about 'horrendous' miscarriage