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Meghan McCain has revealed that she had a miscarriage earlier this year, and it devastated her.
In an op-ed for the New York Times, The View co-host recalled trying to act as if everything were OK during a recent photo shoot with her co-hosts for the newspaper’s Sunday magazine, but she had a tough time, because it was the day her doctor confirmed the sad news that she had miscarried.
“I look back at those pictures now, and I see a woman hiding her shock and sorrow. I am posed for the camera, looking stern and strong, representing my fellow conservative women across the country,” McCain, 34, wrote. “But inside, I am dying. Inside, my baby is dying.”
This would have been the first child for McCain, who’s married to political writer Ben Domenech.
McCain noted that she missed a few days of work, which was “enough to spark gossip.” She’s now moved past wanting to hide her feelings and speaking out so other women going through the same situation know that they aren’t alone.
“My miscarriage was a horrendous experience and I would not wish it upon anyone,” she wrote, noting that miscarriages are “distressingly common.”
“I blamed myself. Perhaps it was wrong of me to choose to be a professional woman, working in a high-pressure, high-visibility, high-stress field, still bearing the burden of the recent loss of my father and facing on top of that the arrows that come with public life,” wrote McCain, whose father is late Sen. John McCain. “This is not a complaint. This is reality. I blamed my age, I blamed my personality. I blamed everything and anything a person could think of, and what followed was a deep opening of shame.”
Eventually, she concluded, by examining the story of Job in the Bible, that it wasn’t her fault. She realized that while she can’t control everything, she can control how much she loves. She said her baby will always have her love.
“When my father passed, I took refuge in the hope that someday we would be united in the hereafter,” McCain said. “I still imagine that moment, even as I trust that a loving God will see it happen. Now I imagine it a bit differently. There is my father — and he is holding his granddaughter in his hands.”
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