Mattie Jackson Selecman Goes on Without Late Husband — but Wonders 'Am I Going to Leave Our Love Behind?'
- Oops!Something went wrong.Please try again later.
courtesy Mattie Jackson Selecman Mattie Jackson Selecman
Iconic country artist Alan Jackson and his wife Denise adored Ben Selecman. On paper, he was their son-in-law. But in their heart, he was so much more.
"He was always there to go fish with dad when we didn't want to go," Jackson's daughter Mattie Jackson Selecman laughs of her late husband Ben in an interview with PEOPLE. "And Ben just loved the farm. He was out there more than anybody."
And it was on that farm that the family would often spend hours talking about the life that laid before all of them. But when Selecman's life was cut short in September of 2018 following a tragic accident, the Jackson family was not only left to mourn their very first son-in-law but find the strength to stay strong for their devastated daughter.
"One of the hardest things for me to watch was them hurting and feeling helpless over me," Mattie, now 31, remembers. "To see someone come so lovingly and effortlessly into your family and then have that happen… I mean, it's traumatic and tragic."
RELATED: Alan Jackson's Family Asks for Prayers After 'Outgoing, Godly' Son-in-Law Dies Helping Woman
courtesy Mattie Jackson Selecman Mattie Jackson Selecman
The impression Ben made on her parents is made even more obvious in the foreword they wrote for her new book Lemons on Friday, out Nov. 16 via Harper Collins. The book documents the emotional and spiritual journey Mattie and her family have been on since her husband's untimely death.
"I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to write it," says Mattie of her famous parents' involvement in the book. "I don't know what it feels like from a parent's perspective, but I know how deeply angry for me they were and how helpless and crippled they felt. All you want is to take care of your children."
But neither fame nor fortune could fix this.
"Because of Dad's career, they've had the resources to give us everything that we need throughout their life, but there was just nothing that they could do," Mattie recalls. "The only way for them to heal was — just over time — to see me find hope again and to see me stay rooted in my faith. I think it also helped to see me be able to speak out and to encourage other widows or other people who are hurting. Just seeing the good that did eventually come for me is what they needed to heal from their own grief."
RELATED: Alan Jackson Reveals Degenerative Nerve Condition Is Affecting His 'Mobility and Balance'
Courtesy Mattie Jackson Selecman Alan Jackson and Mattie Jackson Selecman
In the years Mattie spent writing her book, the author knew that asking her parents to write the foreword would be a given.
"For them to be able to reflect and start out the book just with a brief parents' perspective of what that pain is was so very important," Mattie explains. "It's a different sort of pain that I've felt, and I can't empathize, but I've seen it in them. And I know a lot of parents will identify with that too."
It is this hope to reach others that drove Jackson to not only write the book, but also write it in a way in which others can learn from. And today, Mattie says she knows that in essence, the book will also continue to remind her that she too needs to continue her life's journey, whatever God intends that to be.
But nevertheless, she is hesitant.
"The thing I was the most afraid of is this fear of, 'OK, am I going to leave our love behind?" she says quietly. "'Am I going to forget and start to lose memories of things about him? Or, on a very practical level, how long do I leave my wedding ring on and how long do I keep all of our pictures up?"
RELATED: Alan Jackson's Daughter Mattie Reflects on the Loss of Husband Ben in New Book Lemons on Friday
Thomas Nelson/W Publishing Group Mattie Jackson Selecman's Lemons on Friday
And it's these layers that Mattie continues to grapple with.
"It's hard to know when the right time is to change those things and how long you want to keep them the same," says Mattie, who started the nonprofit NaSHEville, which helps orphans, human trafficking victims and widows, just two months before Ben's death. "I didn't realize how chaotic and uncontrollable grief is. You can have no idea how long you want to do something or how long you want to wait to do something. You just don't know."
So, as with everything else, she puts it all in God's hands.
"[You have to] be brave enough to take new steps that feel very fragile and very scary," Mattie concludes. "You don't know what your future is going to look like, but you also must believe that you can bring that person that you've lost with you. That never goes away. The hardest thing is learning how to juggle moving forward and creating pockets of your own life that are different, while also bringing their memories and their hobbies and their people with you. It's a strange balance, but it's one that is really sweet once you learn how to hold both at once."
