Mary J. Blige looks back on her 1994 album 'My Life' in a new documentary

In a new documentary streaming on Amazon Prime. Singer Mary J. Blige is looking back on her pivotal 1994 album My Life and the things in her life that inspired it. The documentary features Blige talking about her upbringing and early years in the business, as well as other artists and fans talking about My Life's lasting influence.

Video Transcript

MARY J. BLIGE: Even as a little girl I had insecurities, and I was always blue and always sad. But singing made me feel free, and that's what I had. That's what I held on to.

KEVIN POLOWY: So how did you feel when this idea first came up, telling your life story through a documentary lens? Were you all in from the get go? Did you have any reservations in terms of opening yourself up in this way?

MARY J. BLIGE: This documentary is about the "My Life" album. And I had to revisit all the pain from the past in my life to show people where all this pain came from. This was such a painful album and a pivotal point in my life where I started a whole movement, not just a fan base but a movement of people that were going through the same thing that I was going to through. You can't speak about an album like this in a documentary if you're not going to tell how you even got there in the first place.

KEVIN POLOWY: Your music is so personal in terms of the way you open your heart. You share your trials and tribulations, heartache and pain, especially on "My Life," as you mentioned. Was that cathartic for you at the time you recorded that, expressing this pain through music?

MARY J. BLIGE: Yeah. I wanted it and needed it to be cathartic. I was in so much pain that it was just-- I didn't think I was going to ever get out of it. And for years, and from album to album, I was still in so much pain until I got to the "No More Drama" album. That's when I made the choice. I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of having suicidal thoughts. I'm tired of hating myself. And now I don't want to die. How do I live? So, you know, it was still heavy for me-- when everybody else was like, oh my god this album did so much for me, this album saved my life-- when I was still stuck in hell.

KEVIN POLOWY: Looking back now, to what do you attribute your ability to survive that time in your life, to endure, to move forward, to come out on the other side like you did?

MARY J. BLIGE: Just a survival mentality, living in the area, the neighborhood we lived in, as a little girl you learn how to survive. And so as a grown-up I use that same mechanism to just push through. It wasn't a good one. That's where the drugs came from and the alcohol, and just trying to self-medicate to put a smile on my face. But, you know, somewhere deep in me it was determination to live.

KEVIN POLOWY: You mentioned the "No More Drama" album. I mean, was that it? Did you feel like there was a specific point in your life where you rounded that corner, where you were, metaphorically, like the sky has brightened for you?

MARY J. BLIGE: The breakthrough was searching for love and people and not looking for it in myself. During that time, I was still looking for someone to love me, right up until the point where in 2016 I just got out of a terrible divorce. It just was all downhill. So right now I finally have some kind of peace of mind, because I learned how to develop this self-love from the inside. Right now is a good place, but for years it was all downhill.

KEVIN POLOWY: There are a couple of people in the film, fans of yours, who literally express that they were having suicidal thoughts, and your music literally saved their lives. What does that mean to you when you hear those kinds of stories and realize the impact you can have as a musician?

MARY J. BLIGE: It's a beautiful thing. And it is a huge responsibility, because as musicians, now my fans have children, you know. So I have to be mindful of their fans, too. But at the same time I'm a human being, and I'm not going to get it right. And what I love about my fans is that they know that I'm human and I'm not going to get it right. And they respect the fact that I respect their lives, and I'm mindful of my lyrics when it comes to that. [MUSIC PLAYING]