Note: This post contains mentions of abuse and suicide.
A while back, redditor u/dusty_ninja asked the internet, "What is the darkest thing you have kept from your partner?" Several married people shared shocking secrets they've been keeping from their spouses — and some of them are heartbreaking.
Here are some of the most surprising ones:
1."I regretted getting married. I never wanted it, and I feel like she pressured me into it."
2."I'm afraid to tell my husband that before we met and got married, I was hooking up with a married man."
"It happened at a time when I wasn't in a good place (I know it's bad what I did). Even if my husband is not judgmental at all and doesn't care about past behaviors, I'm afraid he might see me differently."
3."That having children has made me hate him."
4."I have two children she knows nothing about."
"Got two girls pregnant in high school, and they both want nothing to do with me. That was over 20 years ago, and I've known my current wife for about seven years. One kid died in a car crash, and the other, I have no idea about."
5."I never told my wife that her mother tried to have sex with me."
"It was early in our marriage, when we were living with her to save money for our own place. Her marriage of 28 years had ended badly, and she was emotionally fragile. She was very drunk and was absolutely horrified at what she had done when she sobered up. I promised not to ever tell my wife, and I never did — even when she and I were fighting near the end of our marriage. Some things are too cruel to do, even when you're trying to hurt each other."
6."I love my husband and am so happy in our marriage, and I see it lasting for the rest of our lives. But my whole life, I’ve been able to cut ties with people without a second thought; I don’t want to do that with my husband, but the fact that I wouldn't really be bothered if we did end up splitting is troublesome."
"I’ve never had an issue ending relationships and moving on quickly. Not jumping into another relationship, but just totally skipping being sad and lonely, if that makes sense. I haven’t said that to him because I’m scared he will take it the wrong way."
7."I've slept with his boss — and I know he slept with one of his coworkers."
8."That I miss being single."
"Less responsibilities, less effort that you have to put into your home life, and you get the bed all to yourself."
9."If it weren’t for our kids, I would have killed myself. The idea of leaving them fatherless or with some 'new dad' is the sole reason I’m still around."
10."We're divorced now, but a few years ago, I slept with my wife's cousin one night when she was in town and my wife was at work."
"Not taking away from the fact I was wrong in doing that, but considering our divorce happened because my wife had cheated on me MULTIPLE times over the years (she has admitted to 'several dozen' times), I really don't feel bad about it."
11."Just how much I depend on her. For our first eight or so months of marriage, my wife and I were never apart due to moving around and being in lockdown. Even now, we're hardly apart since we both work from home. She doesn't know just how sad I get when she goes away."
"I miss her so much, and all I really want to do is curl up on the bed and wait for her to come back. I lose my smile, I lose interest in all my hobbies — everything. Once she gets back, though, I'm alright again."
12."I hate that she compares me to her ex-husband, and I have to prove her wrong over and over again."
13."That I think he should have found someone who isn't as broken and messed up as me."
14."That deep down, I really, truly hate her and what she did to our relationship. I'm only staying to get finances in order so the kids don't suffer."
"We can't afford two households. We get along fine, but romantically, my heart is dead."
15."I really dislike his dad. He is misogynistic, close-minded, and verbally abusive. I wouldn’t be surprised if it even became physical by how much he hits the wall."
"I do not want him around our children (when we have them) at all."
17."Our premature baby died due to a weeklong cascade of events starting with her pre-term birth at 28 weeks. I’ve never told my husband, and never will tell him, that he actually caused my water to break. It was totally accidental, and he has no idea THAT'S why my water broke."
18."How much I hate his family for how they treat him. He doesn’t see the put downs and negativity and is very close to them."
19."I have thoughts of suicide, but I can’t do that to my husband and kids."
"I was born with only one hand. I have rheumatoid arthritis in the one hand I have, and I know it’s spreading. I have osteoarthritis in my lower back and scoliosis to the point where I am most likely going to need spine surgery. I’m only 31 years old. I can’t do this for another 50+ years. I am in such bad pain now and it’s only going to get worse. I don’t want my husband to turn into a caregiver. I can’t envision not being able to take care of myself."
20."I want to tell her how I feel, but I need to grow a spine. We are really just roommates with kids."
"I have to get over what her reaction will be."
21."That I haven't felt the spark in a few years."
Married people, what's the darkest thing you've ever kept from your partner? Let us know in the comments below.
Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you are thinking about suicide or just need to talk to someone, you can speak to someone by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and or by texting HOME to 741741, the Crisis Text Line. And here are suicide helplines outside the US.