Marcia Gay Harden Says Her 3 Queer Kids Inspired Her LGBTQ+ Activism: 'This Hatred Has to Stop' (Exclusive)

The Oscar-winning actress also explains to PEOPLE why having children is the “greatest masterclass anybody will ever have”

If Marcia Gay Harden has learned anything as a parent, it’s to give her children the space to make mistakes and learn hard lessons.

The Oscar-winning actress, currently starring as an uptight attorney who hires her directionless son in the CBS comedy-drama So Help Me Todd, discusses her parenting style in this week’s issue of PEOPLE.

Harden, who shares three children — Eulala, 25, and twins Julitta and Hudson, 19 — with ex-husband Thaddaeus Scheel, says she was a “hands-on” mom as her kids grew up.

“You would have to ask them how I am as a parent. Each one will say something different. In the day, they would've said ‘strict.’ They would all say ‘hands-on,’ and they would not be wrong,” she says. “I want to be involved in their life. I'm not a helicopter mom. … Never one of those mothers who was like, ‘Shouldn't they get a participation award because they were in the soccer game?’ I don't like that at all. Earn it, but I want the best for them.”

The actress, 64, also says she’s learned when to take a step back as a parent, despite her deep-seated desire to “protect” Eulala, Julitta and Hudson.

Related: Why So Help Me Todd’s Marcia Gay Harden Had to Go Back to Catering Gigs After Her Breakout Role (Exclusive)

“I often want to catch my kids and protect my kids and not let them learn those hard lessons because they hurt, and you don't want them to hurt,” Harden explains. “I just have to stand back and go, ‘This is yours. This is yours right now and it's painful, but I know you know what to do. You have it in you to know what to do and you can do it.’”

During the Drag Isn't Dangerous telethon in May 2023, she shared that “all my children are queer”: Eulala identifies as non-binary, Hudson identifies as gay and Julitta is fluid. Her knowledge and experience from raising them is what drives her as an LGBTQ+ activist, which Harden “always will be,” she tells PEOPLE.

That's despite the hate mail she received from her telethon appearance, some of which accused her of "grooming" her kids. “I got so much hate mail and so much how I'm grooming my kids and all this, that, and the other,” she recalls. “The response from each one of [my kids] was, ‘Work it, mom. Work it, mom. You're doing something right if that's happening.’"

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Regardless, Harden says "having a child will literally be the greatest masterclass anybody will ever have."

"And probably in love, and the ability to love,” she continues. “I've learned to accept each of them for the beauty that they are and dispel expectation. I've learned that at the end of the day, it's their life. It is their life. I want them to be happy in it.”

Related: Marcia Gay Harden's Teen Son Gets Her Red Carpet Ready in New Makeup Tutorial

“I've learned an awful lot about gender nonconformity, and I've learned a lot about what I was already understanding in my own life, even in high school, my first boyfriend was gay and was too afraid to come out until later,” she says, adding, “I was already learning a lot about the gay community, but at the time, we spoke more about gay community rather than queer community. And I think now the kids talk a lot about the queer community, and it's much more expansive. It's much more gender nonconforming. It's much more embracing, actually. … I'm learning on a daily basis about that from all of the kids.”

Now, as her children navigate adulthood, Harden hopes the world will appreciate them and their talent.

“They're all artists on some level. I want people to see that talent, but they all have an incredible humanity as well,” she says. “I’m not the mother who thinks, ‘Oh, my kids are geniuses.’ They're not geniuses, but they're all very gifted at what they do, and I like it when I feel like they're seen… I'm really supportive of what they want to do and who they are.”

For more on Marcia Gay Harden, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday, or subscribe here. 

Season 2 of So Help Me Todd airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET on CBS.

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Read the original article on People.