Mandy Moore Admits Getting Married at 24 Ultimately Took Her to a 'Hollow, Empty, Isolated Place'

Moore shared that her first marriage to Ryan Adams was "obviously not the right situation by any means" nearly five years after she accused him of being "psychologically abusive"

Mandy Moore is looking back on her decision to get married “very young” at the age of 24.

The This Is Us alum, 39, revealed how her own parents’ relationship influenced her to marry first husband, rocker Ryan Adams, in 2009. The pair split in 2015 and officially divorced in 2016.

“I think it was like, a direct response to my own parents splitting up and they had been together obviously since they were like 16 or something and I was so heartbroken and I believe that I found myself in a relationship with somebody that I was like, ‘Oh, I can make a family with this person for this person,’” she said on the latest episode of the Dinners on Me podcast. “And it just was obviously not the right situation by any means. But I also think it happened at a time where I was like, ‘I am ready to power everything down.’”

Related: Inside Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams' 6-Year Marriage: 'It Was Heavy. It Was Dark. It Was Lonely'

The Dr. Death star added that it seemed like “a perfectly appropriate time to get married and focus on this very personal, quiet chapter in my life and ultimately like, it just left me in a really hollow, empty, isolated place.”

Moore also reflected how her life has evolved since the end of her first marriage by finding love with husband Taylor Goldsmith, whom she married in 2018 and welcomed sons August "Gus" Harrison, 2, and Oscar "Ozzie" Bennett Goldsmith, 15 months.

“It's so weird because I think back to that chapter and it almost feels like it was someone else entirely that it happened to because I'm in such a different place in my life, and I'm married and I have children,” she shared. “And it's almost like how did I ever do that? How did I ever find myself in that place where I allowed myself to be treated that way that I viewed myself that way?”

Related: Mandy Moore Speaks Out After Alleging Ex Ryan Adams Was 'Psychologically Abusive' in New Report

“The feeling of belittling yourself or making yourself as small as possible to make others around you feel as comfortable as possible was something that started obviously at a young age for me and continued through that very unhealthy relationship that I was in,” she continued.

Moore said that she feels like that experience happened to “an entirely different person [that] I don't recognize, I don't relate to it all.”

“I can't even put myself in those shoes again, it’s strange,” she added. “I'm so grateful for that experience. I'm grateful for all it taught me and where it brought me and ultimately it led me to finding this incredible partner.”

Related: Mandy Moore Felt 'Spiritually and Fundamentally Stuck' Before Divorce: 'I Don't Fault Myself'

This is not the first time that Moore has opened up about her experience being married to Adams. In a 2019 New York Times story, she was among seven women who accused Adams of being manipulative, controlling and obsessive.

Moore told the NYT that her ex-husband took charge of her music career in 2010 three years after they first met when she was 23. She claimed he "discouraged" her from working with other producers and managers, but after writing songs together, Adams would "replace her with other female artists" when it came time to record the tracks.

She also said he was "psychologically abusive" and belittled her musical abilities. "His controlling behavior essentially did block my ability to make new connections in the industry during a very pivotal and potentially lucrative time — my entire mid-to-late 20s," Moore told the Times.

At the time, Adams denied Moore's claims via his lawyer Andrew B. Brettler, saying her "characterization" of their relationship is "completely inconsistent with his view."

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The same year that her divorce was finalized, Moore exclusively spoke with PEOPLE about her six-year marriage and moving on after a painful divorce. "My story deviated in a different direction than I expected," Moore said of her split. "But ultimately, life is about being happy and fulfilled and sometimes that means making hard choices."

Through it all, she tried not to wallow in the pain.

"There are moments of being curled up in a ball on the floor," Moore admitted. "It's really hard. But I've moved on and progressed in the stages of grief and being angry and feeling the loss and all that. I do believe things happen for a reason. And I think I had that mantra moving through the trying times."

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