Madonna says nobody told her as a child that her mother was dying: 'I just watched her disintegrate'

The pop icon mourned her mother’s death in an emotional Instagram post, saying the incident led to lifelong sleep issues.

Madonna's legendary Celebration tour might be over, but the global icon's decision to include a tribute to her own mother in the show still lives on in the singer-songwriter's mind.

Following the conclusion of the 81-show concert series, the 65-year-old shared on Sunday an emotional Mother's Day tribute to her mom, Madonna Louise Ciccone (with whom the artist shares a name), who died from breast cancer at age 30 in 1963 when Madonna was only five years old.

"I stood on stage for 81 shows staring up at the beautiful face of my mother and wondering what she must’ve been thinking as she waved goodbye to me from her hospital window. I stepped into the station wagon and shut the door not knowing it was the last time I’d see her," Madonna reflected in the post, which featured a shot of her on stage during a Celebration show, staring up at a large photo of her mother that typically flashed on a screen behind her during performances of her 2003 song "Mother and Father" on the road.

Her Mother's Day message continued: "Nobody told me my mother was dying - I just watched her disintegrate mysteriously and then she disappeared and there was no explanation except that she had gone to sleep which explains My Tumultuous relationship with sleep."

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Celebration tour performances of "Mother and Father," which debuted on Madonna's 2003 album American Life, were also accompanied by imagery of other maternal figures important to the recording artist — namely Malita, the biological mother of Madonna's adopted son, David Banda.

"When I stepped out on the stage and looked up at my mothers face every night. I said hello I said goodbye. I said Thank you I hope you’re proud of me . I said Please protect me and keep me sane," Madonna's post continued. "I would look up at. Davids Mother -Malita across the stage And have the same thoughts. Was I doing a good job ? Is she proud of her Son? Am I the mother she would want me to be??"

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The entertainer said that the experience of touring with her children — Lourdes Leon, Rocco Ritchie, Banda, Mercy James, and twins Stella and Estere — who were featured in multiple segments on the Celebration tour, brought them all closer together.

"No Easy way into the motherhood game. No manual or University Just trial and error and learn and succeed and then fail again. Finally the realization that they were raising me and not the other way around," wrote Madonna. "I always laugh with friends and say motherhood = suffering. But it’s not a joke it’s the truest thing I’ve ever said. But I wouldn’t change it for anything."

Prior to the start of the tour, Madonna credited her children with helping her recover from a serious health scare in the summer of 2023, which forced her to postpone her shows as she recovered from a bacterial infection that nearly killed her.

"As a mother, you can really get caught up in the needs of your children and the seemingly endless giving," she shared at the time. "But when the chips were down, my children really showed up for me. I saw a side to them I had never seen before. It made all the difference."

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Madonna's Celebration tour shattered records for solo shows in music history, with the May 4 tour closer in Brazil attracting 1.6 million people to the free performance.

Elsewhere on the tour, Madonna welcomed a wealth of famous people to join her on stage to help officiate the concert's "Vogue" runway portion — including RuPaul's Drag Race queens Plane Jane and Sapphira Cristál, Madonna's W.E. movie star David Harbour, and Julia Garner, who was initially cast to play Madonna in the artist's self-directed biopic before the movie was put on hold to allow for tour preparation.

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