Machine Gun Kelly recalls 'wild paranoia' he experienced after father's death in new documentary

·3 min read

In his new Hulu documentary "Life in Pink," Machine Gun Kelly opens up about a dark mental health episode he recently went through.

"Life in Pink," now streaming, offers an "in-depth look at the dramatic highs and lows" the platinum-selling rap rocker has navigated while "chasing music’s top spot," according to the official Hulu website.

At one point in the film, Kelly (real name Colson Baker) goes into harrowing detail about the toll his father's death took on his mental health. The "my ex's best friend" singer said his father died the same day his fourth album "Hotel Diablo" dropped in July 2019.

"I flew to my dad's apartment to clear all this stuff out. I had this really weird interaction with this neighbor who told me all these things I didn't want to hear," Kelly recalled. "That (messed) me up even more because I couldn't get closure on it. I wouldn't leave my room and I started getting really, really, really dark."

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Kelly said his inner turmoil culminated in a tense conversation with fiancée Megan Fox, who was his girlfriend at the time.

"Megan went to Bulgaria to shoot a movie and I started getting this really wild paranoia. Like, I kept getting paranoid that someone was gonna come and kill me," Kelly said. "I would always sleep with a shotgun next to my bed, and one of the days, I just (expletive) snapped.

"I called Megan, I was like, 'You aren't here for me.' I'm in my room, and I'm like freaking out on her and dude, I put the shotgun in my mouth and I'm yelling on the phone and the barrel's in my mouth. I go to cock the shotgun and the bullet as it comes back up, the shell just gets jammed. Megan's like dead silent."

The 32-year-old singer said the intense episode, coupled with conversations he had with Fox and his 12-year-old daughter Casie, was a wake-up call for him "to kick the drugs for real this time."

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Megan Fox and Colson Baker "Machine Gun Kelly" attend "Machine Gun Kelly's Life In Pink" premiere on June 27, 2022 in New York City.
Megan Fox and Colson Baker "Machine Gun Kelly" attend "Machine Gun Kelly's Life In Pink" premiere on June 27, 2022 in New York City.

"(Fox and Casie) simultaneously came at me with this, like, 'I want to be able to see in your eyes. I don't want to be talking to you through a veil anymore. I want to see you as my father and I want to see you as my husband-to-be,' " Kelly recalled.

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Kelly has previously opened up about his history of drug use, telling Dave Franco in a 2020 Interview magazine discussion that therapy helped him tackle the "intense" dichotomy of his artistic persona Machine Gun Kelly and his personal identity.

"Currently, my drug of choice is happiness and commitment to the art, rather than commitment to a vice that I believed made the art," Kelly told Franco at the time.

If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time of day or night or chat online.

Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Machine Gun Kelly discusses mental health, suicide in new Hulu doc