Lisa Rinna will soon have to relive one of the hardest moments in her life on national television.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star opened up Monday about navigating grief after losing her mother, Lois, in November. The moment will soon be featured in an upcoming episode of the Bravo hit — and Rinna admitted she's not ready for it.
"Grief is a tricky little devil. in a week or so, my Mom will pass on the show and I am not looking forward to reliving this but I'm trying to accept what is," the actress wrote on her Instagram Story. "I find it so interesting that rage has been so ever present for me during this time. I wonder if any of you have felt like that during the grieving process? I am having a very hard time but I'm trying to just allow space for all of the feelings."
Added Rinna, 58: "This is probably the hardest thing I have ever been through. I send so much love and support to all that are going through this and on Memorial Day I thank all the souls who gave their lives for our freedom."
The Rinna Beauty founder returned to filming just one week after Lois's passing. Though Rinna said she "felt really guilty" about it, she acknowledged that her mother would want her to keep moving forward.
"Yes our show is a job, and it is my job to show up and so I did," she wrote. "I don't remember a lot of the time spent on the trip to Mexico, it's a total blur. I was in shock most of the time but my Mom would have wanted me to go and be with the women and I'm glad I did. They were all so amazing and so supportive."
"It's very odd to me to know that I will be sharing my grief process on the show but I'm actually so glad I did and do," she continued. "I've had so many beautiful messages from so many people because grief is something that we just aren't taught to talk about and I think it's my job to really share my experience so I'm gonna share it all with you. It's not easy."
Lois died in November 2021 at 93. Days before her passing, Rinna revealed that her mother was transitioning after she "had a stroke."
"Continuing, going back to the routine and to your obligations and work but you're not the same. You'll never be the same but you must do the same things that you were doing before ... because that's the way of living," Rinna later wrote on Instagram. "So as I try to do what I was doing, I'm doing it through different eyes and a different heart. Now off to sell lipstick and go kick some ass over there at RHOBH."
"I'm trying to figure out how to live without my mom," she said. "I'm in a lot of pain, you guys. I'm doing the best I can."
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on Bravo.