Lisa Hochstein Says She Could 'Never' Go Back to Her Ex as Their Divorce Remains 'Really Nasty'

Lisa Hochstein Instagram Lisa and Lenny Hochstein

Lisa Hochstein is closing the door on any possibility of getting back together with her estranged husband Lenny Hochstein, saying the way he has treated her has caused her too much pain.

"I could never go back," the Real Housewives of Miami star, 40, tells PEOPLE of trying again with the Florida plastic surgeon. "He's done so many horrible things to me — too much has been said and too much has been done — that any chance of a reconciling is gone in my mind. I have no hopes of getting back together. That ship has sailed."

Lenny, 56, filed for divorce from Lisa in May after 12 years of marriage. The two share son Logan, 7, and daughter Elle, 3.

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Asked about the status of their divorce now, Lisa says "it's an ongoing battle."

"It's been really ugly and really nasty," she laments. "And unfortunately, the press has gotten hold of so many of these motions so we haven't been able to keep things private. It's just humiliating."

"We haven't gotten to discussions of custody, support — none of that," she adds. "But it's bad. Every day, I can feel the anger and hate between Lenny and I growing on both sides. It just get worse and worse, which worries me because I don't know how we'll ever find peace if it stays like this."

Courtesy Jahmar Amani Lisa Hochstein

Reached for comment by PEOPLE, Lenny denies he's done anything "horrible" to Lisa though confirms negotiations are far from amicable.

"It's turned nasty and ugly, but not because of anything I've done," he says. "My goal for all of this was to try to keep it private. I've done everything I could to make it that way, but her attorney is just trying to delay things. We had a filing on Friday that says so far, Lisa hasn't produced anything for us to be able to move forward. I believe Lisa's friends are giving her advice that everything should be a battle, so it's really not up to me."

"From Day 1, I tried everything I could to make Lisa's transition as comfortable as possible," he maintains. "I've moved out of the house, I've paid for every single bill; never cried about it 'cause it's my duty. I offered to buy a beautiful condo, I offered a settlement that was twice what I'm obliged to based upon our prenuptial agreement, and she turned all of that down and has tried to battle everything little thing which is definitely not our preference. I wanted to try to do the best I could to make everything easier for her. But I don't feel like she's done the same."

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Part of Lisa's frustrations has been the one-two punch of Lenny's back-to-back revelations that he was leaving her and then, days later, was in a new relationship with model Katharina Mazepa, 27.

"It was just devastating," she says, looking back. "I've been with Lenny since I was 25 years old. Almost my whole adult life, pretty much. So to lose this person who I loved so much is just crushing. I've cried myself to sleep so many times during this time, just praying to God that we'll get through this and can be friends, especially for the sake of the kids."

Alexander Tamargo/Getty

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Since their split, Lisa says Lenny has moved in with Mazepa, though he says he comes to the 20,000-square-foot Star Island mansion they previously shared together three or four times a week to spend time with their kids.

"We're just winging it because we're trying to keep the kids as happy as possible," Lisa says. "The kids have always been my focus. I want them to have a normal, happy life. But my heart breaks for them. I never thought Lenny and I wouldn't be together 'til the end. I never envisioned I'd be a single mom. I always envisioned the things we would do with our kids together, like our family vacations, Christmases, movie nights, etc."

"Hopefully, one day, this won't be so messy and we can be amicable, for the children's sake. But it scares me to even think that I might not be with my kids 100% of the time because I'm with them every day. My baby girl is only 3 years old. To not see her most of the time is just heartbreaking. I know this is what people go through, that this is what happens in a divorce, but it's a tough, hard pill for me to swallow because my kids need me and I worry I'm going to miss out on so much."

"Family life is always what I wanted," says Lisa, whose kids were both born via surrogate. "I struggled with infertility; it took us so long to get here and now that we're here, he's leaving. And there's nothing I can do to fix it."

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As for her future, Lisa tells PEOPLE she isn't sure what's next.

"I've had so much anxiety, I don't think I'll ever truly recover from this," she says. "I just want to be myself again. I just want to be happy. I would love to find happiness again, I would love to have a family again. I would love to be married again, I want to have a family unit, I want to have love in my life. But after what happened with Lenny, it's hard to even imagine trusting someone again."

"I was loyal to him for 15 years. I was always his biggest supporter, biggest fan. We build this life together... a business... a family. Now, it's all gone," Lisa continues. "It shocks me how people can change like this. I mean, this is not the person I was married to. He feels like a stranger. Like I was sleeping with the enemy. And if someone can do that to you after all that time, how will I ever know someone else won't do that?"

Season 5 of The Real Housewives of Miami is streaming now on Peacock.