YouTube star Landon Clifford, who was declared brain dead on Aug. 18 following six days in a coma, died by suicide, his wife revealed Friday. He was 19.
In a new YouTube video, "My Husband Passed Away | Telling His Story," Camryn Clifford opened up about her husband's battle with anxiety, depression, ADHD and addiction.
"This is definitely going to be the hardest video I've ever had to make," Camryn, 19, began. "It took a while for me to obviously get over the initial shock… and to just gather my feelings and my thoughts and to feel like I'm ready to tell his story. It's a very important story to be told and it's my job to tell it, but it's not an easy story to tell, at all."
Camryn explained that Landon "started falling into a depression" when she got pregnant with their second daughter, a pregnancy the couple planned. Camryn and Landon, who married in June 2019, share daughters Collette Briar, 2, and Delilah Rose, who was born in May. The couple rose to prominence documenting their lives as teen parents on the YouTube channel Cam&Fam, which has garnered over 1.3 million subscribers.
"Behind the scenes, he was always just kind of going through his own stuff," she said. "He has had mental health issues for as long as I have known him."
Related: How to build a resilient teen dealing with depression
According to Camryn, Landon fell into a "vicious cycle" of abusing his "highly addictive” ADHD and anti-anxiety medications that were prescribed by a psychiatrist after he "did the right thing" to seek help.
"It was a lethal mixture of these two very strong, heavy drugs… He just kind of fell in a hole," Camryn said. "He just kept taking more and more for his body to feel the effects. It was very unhealthy."
Camryn said she "wasn’t even aware" of her husband's struggle until he was "heavy in his addiction." The young mother said she was also battling depression around the same time throughout her second pregnancy.
After Delilah was born, Camryn said they were "really happy" for a while before slipping into another bout of depression as the adjustment to two children "hit us hard." She said they took a break from their YouTube channel because it was "mentally exhausting" only showing "the good parts" and went to stay with their respective families to heal.
"When we felt that we were ready, we went back to Austin (Texas) together, back to our home," Camryn said, adding that Landon continued taking his anti-depressants but had stopped taking ADHD and anti-anxiety medications. "It just really seemed like things were looking up."
Our little princesses couldn’t ask for a better snuggle buddy / jungle gym / tea party guest 💙 You’ll always be the one they go to when they need something (especially when they already asked mommy but she said no) Happy Fathers Day! 👨🏻 We love you so much!!!
A post shared by Camryn Clifford (@camandfam) on Jun 21, 2020 at 4:19pm PDT
On Aug. 13, however, Camryn said she "could tell something was wrong" after he apologized and "put a lot of blame on himself" for everything they had went through.
"I gave him a hug, a kiss and I told him I love him and that it's okay and that no matter what he ever did, I would always love him," she recalled. "After that he seemed okay."
Landon went to take a bath but she realized the bathroom was empty when she went to check on him 30 minutes later. After looking through all the rooms in their house, Camryn said she found Landon unresponsive in the garage.
"There's no words to describe how I felt at that time," she tearfully said. "Very few people will ever understand."
Camryn said Landon was declared brain dead on Aug. 18 after spending six days hospitalized in a coma. Camryn said he was registered as an organ donor and donated his organs.
"He donated everything. He wanted to save as many people as possible," she said. "He always put others above himself. Even in death, he was caring about people."
Camryn added: "If he knew everything that would follow after he did what he did, he wouldn't have. That's why I am here to tell his story because there are so many people out there who need to hear about what comes after."
August 13th 2020 was Landon’s last day being the best dad and husband he could be. After spending the following 6 days in a coma he passed on and donated several organs to people in need all over the country. He died saving the lives of others. That’s the type of person he was. Compassionate, loving, thoughtful, kind, and gentle. He was an amazing husband and the best father those girls could of ever asked for. It saddens me deeply that they will never get to truly know him. He was so young and had so much more life to live. This isn’t how things were supposed to go. He was meant to make it to his next birthday. He was meant to walk his daughters down the isle. He was meant to die old with me. Words can not come close to describe the pain I feel. All I can do now is make sure our girls know how much he loved us. He’s looking down on us from heaven and his light will shine through the clouds when we look up at him. May he rest peacefully.
A post shared by Camryn Clifford (@camandfam) on Aug 21, 2020 at 7:39pm PDT
On Aug. 21, Camryn shared an Instagram photo that appeared to show her hand resting on Landon's chest in the hospital. She revealed that her husband died on Aug. 19.
"August 13th 2020 was Landon’s last day being the best dad and husband he could be," she wrote. "He died saving the lives of others. That’s the type of person he was. Compassionate, loving, thoughtful, kind, and gentle. He was an amazing husband and the best father those girls could of ever asked for."
Camryn wrote in her post that she is saddened her daughters "will never get to truly know" their father.
"He was so young and had so much more life to live," she continued. "This isn’t how things were supposed to go. He was meant to make it to his next birthday. He was meant to walk his daughters down the aisle. He was meant to die old with me. Words can not come close to describe the pain I feel."
Camryn capped off her post noting that she will "make sure our girls know how much he loved us."
"He’s looking down on us from heaven and his light will shine through the clouds when we look up at him," she added. "May he rest peacefully."
On Tuesday, Camryn posted a photo of herself with her older daughter to her Instagram Story, writing that her husband's memory lives on through their children.
"The best parts of him are still alive in them," she wrote. "whenever I miss him I just give my girls a big hug."
USA TODAY has reached out to Camryn for further comment.
If you or someone you know may be struggling with self-harm or suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online.
Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Landon Clifford, YouTuber and teen father, dies at 19, wife speaks out