Landon Barker Details How Overcoming Mental Health Struggles Inspired His Music (Exclusive)

The singer, whose new music (featuring dad Travis Barker on the drums) is inspired by his ups and downs, opens up to PEOPLE about his difficult year

Landon Barker, whose dad is Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker, has spent the past month reflecting on his life — and the new music his ups and downs have inspired.

He grew up heavily influenced by Travis, who fueled his love of music early on by taking his son on some of his biggest tours when he was young. Now, "I'm always in the studio," the 20-year-old musician says over Zoom. "I kind of go in there without direction, but I've definitely in the past year made some songs that definitely are album worthy, in my opinion."

His debut single, "Friends with Your Ex" (which was accompanied by a music video released last month) reveals how his romance with TikTok star Charli D'Amelio — who is featured in the video — first began last year.

The lyrics to the new song document their rocky beginnings: "I was friends with your ex/ You were with him when we met," Landon sings about his girlfriend, 19, on the chorus. "Guess he hasn't found out yet/ But I know he's gonna kill me when he sees me with you."

The relationship initially sparked a feud between Landon and D'Amelio's ex, fellow TikTok star Chase Hudson (known musically as Huddy), from whom she split in April 2020. (He and Landon are former friends who both starred in Machine Gun Kelly's Downfalls High film, and Huddy was a guest at the Barker-Kardashian wedding in Italy last May.)

In June this year, Landon even inked a hyper-realistic tattoo of her eye on his bicep. "Holy s---" was D'Amelio's response via social media.

While signing to his father's Elektra Imprint DTA Records was Landon's ultimate goal, he had to work for it. "My dad would be like, 'Show me that you want to sign,'" says Landon. "It wasn't as easy as being like, 'Sign me.' I feel like I had to prove myself to get the opportunity to sign to them."

Travis realized he was serious about a music career when Landon wrote some lyrics for Machine Gun Kelly's "Die in California," which was co-written and produced by Travis and included on MGK's No. 1 album Mainstream Sellout, released in March last year.

During a studio session, Landon was working on the track when his father and MGK were in another studio session. While walking by, Kelly heard it and recorded over Landon's track for fun. 

Landon decided to release a snippet of the song on TikTok to get feedback from his fans, but when Megan Fox heard it, she begged her boyfriend to collaborate further, he says.

Later the musicians re-recorded the song, and eventually Landon inked a record deal. "It couldn't have gone better," he says, cackling. "But I kind of didn't go into it with expectations. I feel like that is something that I do a lot in my life — is not go through life with any expectations."

Last June, during Kelly's sold-out show in Madison Square Garden, he invited Landon onstage to perform their hit just hours after they found out that Travis had been hospitalized in Los Angeles for pancreatitis.

"It was honestly so awful. It made me never want to go back to New York because of how I felt at that time. It was pretty tough. But I mean, I did it," he says of still hitting the stage. "I knew that my dad would've wanted me to perform that night, so I did it and I'm happy I did."

At the time, Landon was also going through his own personal difficulties. He was struggling with alcohol, and also suffered a concussion and had multiple visits to the hospital last year. "I think 100 percent it's important for me to not make that a habit again," he says of alcohol, which he still drinks in moderation. "I always tell myself, 'I'll only drink on special occasions now.' I just steer away from everything."

Now in a better place mentally, Landon feels it's important to share his experiences with ADHD, OCD, anxiety, derealization and depression — and the tools he uses to support his daily wellbeing — to help others who might be struggling with their mental health.

Below, PEOPLE catches up with Landon as he opens up about his music, love life and how he copes on his toughest days.

Related: Travis Barker Hospitalized for Pancreatitis After 'Complaining of Cramps': Source

You've been working on your own music since you were 15 and toured with Blink-182 as a kid while rocking out backstage. Was it just a natural fit for you?

Yeah, totally. It's all I knew. A lot of people either do exactly what their parents did or the complete opposite, and I'm one of those who wants to do exactly what my dad did. I stepped into other hobbies like art and did a few cover art for friends of mine. I also was painting at one point, but nothing resonated with me as much as music did. I'll still design all my own merch, all my cover art and add little pieces of me to every single thing that I put out — but I feel like that also ties in with music. That's probably why I like art too because I would call myself a creative.

Your music aesthetic is very pop punk, which you grew up listening to. Does this music represent you as an artist?

It represents kind of what I grew up on, but when I started making music, I was making rap music. Then I started getting more inspired by pop punk, and more recently, I've been trying to transition to making my music more poppy but also taking my roots from rap and pop punk and adding a little bit of both in there. I definitely won't ever be a full-time rapper, but I'll take little points and directions from rap music and use it to establish my own aesthetic and sound musically.

You wrote with singer-songwriter and Machine Gun Kelly collaborator Nick Long on your new song, Friends with Your Ex. What was that process like?

Nick Long was working with my dad in the other room, and my session had just ended, but they were still going. I walked in, and Nick Long said, "Did you guys make anything cool?" And I go, "Not really." As a musician, you go into the studio thinking, "Oh, I want to make the best song I've ever made today." And when you don't, it's kind of like, "OK, next time." When I told him I wasn't too proud of it, he said, "You want me to come in there and try some stuff with you?" Then later, he was like, "Dude, you should write a song about your situation." 

He inspired you to write about your real-life drama.

I wasn't planning on writing a song about my situation. In fact, I was just kind of going with the same subjects that I feel like most people go to whether that's heartbreak, falling in love or whatever it is. And Nick was like, "Why don't you contribute your life to a song and add some aspects of your life into a song?" And I was like, "That's a great idea." And so, I really wasn't planning on making this song. He started playing the guitar and we just started humming, going off each other, and then he left the room. Then we came up with the chorus, and I came up with the verses, and that was pretty much the process — but it is crazy because it started with a negative session and turned into my first single.

Your girlfriend Charli's initial reaction to your song on The D’Amelio Show was that she loved it, but you could never release it. Were you worried it would stir up more problems with Hudson?

Yes, because I don't want to attract negativity, and that's not what the song's about. No, because at the end of the day, I'm just expressing myself through music, and I think she understands that.

Related: Charli D'Amelio and Landon Barker's Relationship Timeline

Your song is about falling in love with someone you weren't supposed to. What was that like for you?

I mean, it was organic and natural. I saw it as somebody who was coming into my life. I had the opportunity to form a new friendship and a relationship, and I took the opportunity to see how it goes. There are two sides to every story.

Charli's also featured in your music video. What's it like working with your girlfriend?

It was honestly easier because if I had some girl that I didn't really know that I had to pretend [to be] my girlfriend, I feel like it'd be more awkward. My dad, my stepmom, my older sister, and I don't exactly remember which one or two of Kourtney's kids, first met [Charli] at a restaurant and it was definitely a little quiet and a little awkward, but my family all saw her for who she was and saw that she was a very sweet, kind girl, and I feel like it honestly went pretty well.

What's Kourtney like as a step mom?

She's great. She's super supportive as well, and brings a lot of love and support to me and my siblings.

Your sister Alabama also sings. Have you two ever collaborated on music together?

Funny enough, we have not. But we're looking at two different genres right now and more interested in different things. But hopefully, one day. She's actually a really good singer. She's pursuing rap right now, but she actually can sing really well, so I'd love to do a song with her where she sings.

Related: Alabama Barker Steps into the Music World as She Teases Debut Rap Song on TikTok: 'Get to Know Me'

Your father Travis is also drumming on your single. What was that like?

It was honestly an amazing process. Originally, after working with Nick Long in my small session, I presented it to him. He really liked the song and then he drummed on it. What's the plural for drummed, dram?

Did you always want your father involved in your music career?

I wanted to look for help in the right places because I feel like I'd be stupid to not use my resources, what's kind of around me and the people that are around me. I've always tried to take advantage of that and use that to my ability. But I obviously wouldn't put out a song that my dad tells me is awful and that he doesn't want to drum on. You know?

Do you two ever write together?

Yeah, we have a bunch of songs that we've written together. I'll probably have a song or two, or even maybe 20, who knows, that he doesn't drum on. But yeah, I want the song to inspire him, and I want the song to be appealing to him, and not just do it because I'm his son.

Are you nervous that you'd always be compared to your father after deciding to follow in his footsteps?

Yes and no. I feel like as long as my music speaks to however many people, that's all that matters to me, honestly.

What is the best career advice he's ever given you?

Work hard and focus; if you love something, put your all into it. He is a great drummer because he still practices every day. Even though he's very established and very good at what he does, he still wakes up early and still goes to the studio every day — even after all of his success. I've taken that with me. No matter what I do, never settle and never stop doing what you love because that's how you become great.

What inspired the song lyrics "Die in California?" 

It was kind of like a song that started out with an idea, something about not liking the person that you used to be. But basically, it's like a mental health song, kind of going through it, but it just formed into what it is today, naturally and supernaturally.

Last year, you posted about your experiences with mental health and derealization [a disorder that causes someone to feel detached from their thoughts and body]. What was it like for you to disassociate and how does that make you feel?

It originally started with a bad habit with alcohol. I was abusing it and just abusing that substance, and then one day it just shocked me, and I had gone through that for months. It was awful, and I went through heightened OCD, heightened ADHD and heightened anxiety, all while disassociating and feeling like I was in a video game. I was watching my whole entire life through a movie screen. It was honestly awful. I always love to spread awareness about suicide and talk about it.

I admire you for being courageous enough to discuss it.

I feel like if you hold it in inside, it's a lot harder, and I feel like all the messages that I got when I posted about it honestly made me feel better. Looking to the public for support and more knowledge was honestly comforting for me and letting people know truly who I am, even on my phone through a social media platform was actually kind of helpful for me.

Do you still struggle with mental health issues?

I've always struggled with OCD, ADHD and anxiety, but yeah, disassociating and dissociation kind of just hit me like a truck last year and it was just the most awful experience. It kind of started with: I would drink, and then the day after, I would disassociate really bad, and that's kind of how my habit of drinking a lot started. It was like, oh, I'd feel better the second that I had a drink, and so yeah, it kind of just all started and it all kicked up really fast.

How do you cope?

I got a concussion and I hit my head so hard that I actually couldn't drink anymore around this time last year. When I got my concussion, I kind of just had to deal with it and I would just, I don't know, I just hated life for three or four months. It was pretty awful. I remember I would just go to the hospital once a week just because I would have such bad panic attacks from everything that was going on. The disassociation happened first and then it all just got worse when I went through my concussion.

My autistic brother Randy was placed into a mental health facility for suicide, and it was extremely difficult for him and our family. What is it like to be in that kind of head space?

I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, I've had days where I'm thinking, "Am I ever going to feel normal again?" Those days were awful, but I feel like eventually when you get through and get to the other side of everything and see the light in what you have and the people around you, it's honestly the biggest inspiration to keep going out of everything.

Do you feel like you've come out of that experience learning something new about yourself?

Yeah, I've definitely learned so much. I've learned how to deal with my anxiety, my OCD, ADHD and my dissociation. I've learned all these tips and tricks and research so much, so I honestly did come out with a lot of knowledge on all of the stuff that I suffer with. Honestly, I was a little bit too scared to start medication. I just know how I get just having kind of an addictive personality, and I feel like I would be too scared to put myself in a dependent situation where I must use something every single day. I was just a little bit too nervous to even try it, but I was doing a lot of therapy and working out, and it was helpful.

Do you feel anxious while performing on stage?

I'll get anxiety, but I remind myself, especially on headlining shows, that everybody came to see me. And at the end of the day, I'm going to try my best, and hope for the best and hope that I can entertain however many people are going to be there and give them a great night.

More than a decade ago, your father and his longtime collaborator DJ AM (Adam Michael Goldstein) survived after their plane crashed shortly after takeoff as they were leaving South Carolina, where they had just played a show. On season three of The D'Amelio Show, Charli had mentioned your phobia of flying. Do you and your dad ever talk about it?

I try not to really bring it up to him because I know that that was something that was very traumatic [for him]. When I get on the plane, I don't necessarily think about him, but I think about all the worst things that could happen. It's just the worst phobia to have. I honestly do love traveling. I really, really do. I've tried medication for flying, and that kind of worked. Or I'll just try and stay up the whole entire night before, but I've also done that and then not been able to sleep on planes, and that was the worst. I try and do the best I can. My favorite person to fly with is my older sister because I'll just look at her face the whole entire time and she'll be like, "Everything's OK," even when it feels rocky, and she'll always help me out while I'm flying.

Related: Travis Barker Says He's Flown 30 Times Since His Plane Crash Thanks to His 'Amazing Wife' Kourtney Kardashian

Have you ever had a near-death experience?

Fortunately, I haven't. I've definitely had close calls where I was driving on an electric bike and didn't see a car coming, swerved last minute or stuff like that. Luckily, I haven't had anything too serious.

What inspires you?

There's a quote that [R&B singer] Miguel told me, and I've been inspired ever since. It's something like, "I don't want to go through life and come out of life looking squeaky clean and perfect." I want to go through life and come out looking like I've had scratches all over me. I want to come out with bruises, scratches and flames behind my back. I want to go out feeling like I really lived life.

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