Knocking The Boots: 2024 Paris Olympics To Distribute 300K Condoms To Sex-Deprived Athletes
Sex is back in style in the City of Love. The 2024 Paris Olympics are finally lifting their three-year intimacy ban and handing out condoms to celebrate. According to SkyNews, the Olympics banned sex between athletes during the 2021 Tokyo Olympics due to COVID.
To encourage amour, and absolutely no raw-doggin, the Olympic Village will distribute 300,000 Jimmy hats for 9,000 of the world’s best sex-deprived athletes. That’s about 33 contraceptive measures for each participating athlete. Let’s say the Olympics take place over two weeks. Boom. That’s 14 days, which is basically around two raincoats per day. Or, maybe you’re locked in, and you went this long without getting into late-night shenanigans, so you wait until the end of the world games. That would be around 5-7 rubbers per day. Quick maths: Ooh La La edition.
Speaking about Pound Tow—err the Olympic Village, village director Laurent Michaud wanted to encourage an atmosphere full of love. Michaud and co. also wanted to present a space that celebrates togetherness during a time of global conflict. “It is very important that the conviviality here is something big,” Michaud said. “Working with the athletes commission, we wanted to create some places where the athletes would feel very enthusiastic and comfortable… We will have more than 350 meters of buffet with the world food.
“And I’m sure that the athletes will be very happy to have some French specialties made over here. But the variety will first respond to the athletes’ needs for their nutrition and their performance.” And so, if you want to bring about world peace, sex education is the perfect place to start. That, and world cuisine.
Seriously, though, good on the Olympics to stay committed to tackling international issues. Yeah, they’re not new to the contraceptive game. In fact, they had been promoting safe sex way before the late Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes decided she would wear condoms as a dope eyepatch in 1992. Condoms were first handed out at the 1988 Seoul Summer Olympics in South Korea.
The move was motivated by the committee’s desire to bring awareness to the global AIDS epidemic. According to the CDC, there were approximately 100,777 deaths from AIDS and HIV-related deaths from 1981-1990. Since then, it has become a tradition to equip athletes with sexual protection.
The number of distributed condoms has increased over every Olympic event. “Condoms [rose] to 50,000 at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics, 100,000 in Beijing in 2008, and 150,000 in London in 2012,” The Sun reports. But the 2016 Rio Games currently has the record for most Olympic condoms, handing out a staggering 450,000 rubbers. The event is often remembered as “the raunchiest” Olympics ever.
So, to wrap things up, we’ll enter the Parisian Games with a prayer from poet and philosopher, Sir Dwayne Michael Carter II. “She say I got great sex/Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex/’Cause you don’t want that late text, that ‘I think I’m late’ text/Haha! So wrap it up!” — Sir Dwayne Michael Carter II, excerpts from “Lolipop (Remix).”
The 2024 Olympics begin on July 26 and end on Aug. 11.
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