Kiana Ledé Journeys Through The Looking Glass On New Album, ‘Grudges’
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Kiana Ledé has accepted that she’s a work in progress. With her new album, Grudges, the 26-year-old has experienced a catharsis. Ask Ledé and she’d consider the album to be “one big journal prompt.” Grudges was a means to process pent-up anger and bitterness from her private life, including a romance with a “true Gemini man.” Life had been life-ing over the past few years and recording this project was her way through.
“The album was actually going to be called Closure, which is also one of the songs,” she shared. “And it felt like that song wasn’t true to me at that time. It was more wishful thinking and looking into what I want my future to look like.” She realized she needed to give her problems a name in order to confront them—and did.
Grudges navigates through a series of what Ledè describes as “introspective reflective conversations.” With tracks aptly titled “Bitter B**ch (Introlude),” “Damage,” “Deserve,” and “Magic,” the Phoenix-bred songbird is rising from the ashes and into the light.
We caught up with Ledé to talk about her grudges, rebuilding herself from rock bottom, and the beauty in choosing her own ending.
VIBE: Grudges is a really solid sophomore album. Why this title?
Kiana Ledé: Grudges actually has multiple meanings in this album. Obviously there’s the [literal one]. I’m a bitter b**ch [who] definitely [has] grudges. I hold them very well. I’m working on it. I’m in therapy.
First step.
So grudges towards relationships, also grudges just in my life. It’s something that I feel like we all constantly have to work on, whether it’s relationships or within ourselves, within the world. But the album was actually going to be called Closure, which is also one of the songs. And it felt like that song wasn’t true to me at that time. It was more wishful thinking and looking into what I want my future to look like. I was definitely on my way there, but I didn’t feel complete closure until the album was actually done. I think you have to name what the problems are first before you work through them. This album is basically just me talking about all the grudges, so I can get to that real closure.
With the evolution from Selfless and Myself to Kiki, then Unfinished and Grudges, what was it like learning yourself throughout all of those different musical eras?
I wanted to tell a story with these albums. Selfless was really about my lack of—honestly, self— not knowing who I was and just giving whatever I didn’t have to everybody else, especially in my relationships. And then Myself was very much me doing the pendulum swing all the way to the other side and saying, ‘All I know is myself and I need to make everything about myself, and this is what this is.’ I got diagnosed with bipolar a little later on after that. But at that time, I realized I was in a manic state and I was pendulum swinging, because I am an extreme person. Not only because of my mental health, but also that’s just how I am. So I really wanted that to be true. I really wanted to feel like I was making my life about myself.
I guess me shouting that out to the world was a way to cover up all the things that I was really feeling inside and all the s**t that I was really going through. For Kiki, I needed to find a middle ground in between the two and really take a look at who Kiki is in an honest and authentic way, while also valuing myself. I wanted people to look at me as I was looking at myself and being like, ‘You know what? I don’t f**king know, and that’s okay. We’re just going to start from zero again. Try to get rid of all the fake s**t and go from there.’ The next story I’m telling is just more mature. Gone through a lot more therapy. I can still be my toxic little self, but it’s more about holding myself accountable. I mean, even from the first song, “Bitter B**ch Interlude.” I am calling myself out. Now I have to look at myself and be like, damn.
And that’s honest. Was Unfinished on SoundCloud more of a cathartic release—just to let go of some things you were holding onto in that moment.
Yeah. Unfinished was just a compilation of songs I felt like I needed to write in the moment. I lost my best friend in August and he just taught me so much and also made me realize the standard that I need to hold in relationships in general. Not all role models are perfect, but he was a beautiful person and I just felt like it was such a big loss—not only for me, but for the world. I was also freaking out about death for maybe a year and a half before that.
That fear that I had coming true and really feeling what it’s like to lose somebody, especially in such a sudden way, made me reflect on how unpredictable life is and that we just need to cherish every single emotion, every movement we make, and value our relationships that we do have with the people that are so supportive and loving towards you. That was definitely a time where I needed music as therapy. There was just some s**t I can’t explain that was happening all the time, signs from him for sure.
[For] people who have that really big fear, that I have of death and not knowing, and not being able to control, I wanted to share that feeling and experience with them so that they would feel less alone, because that’s what I’m in music for.
That’s beautiful. I’m really sorry for your loss though… At one point you considered yourself a “cautionary tale.” Is that still true?
Damn, I said that? That’s crazy. I think there’s some sort of therapy for me in knowing that whatever I’m going through, if I share the story, someone will learn something from it or feel less alone. I feel like when I’ve gone through some of the worst things I’ve been through, it has brought such a deep connection to me and the fans, or whoever’s listening to the music. The worst things I go through, go to waste if I don’t share them for other people to learn from or feel less alone.
Do you feel in some ways that you are protecting your vulnerability through what you choose to tell and how you choose to tell it?
I think the easiest way for me to write things is when [I’ve] processed it a little more. One thing that I wrote about in this album, that it took me years to be able to process, was being raped. “Deserve” is about that. The voicemail at the end of the song is a voicemail I had my friend recreate, word for word. That was something that I wouldn’t have been able to talk about before, let alone write it in a song. So there’s definitely some things where I can be vulnerable about and there’s things that are deeper than most. Music is a way for me to be vulnerable, yes, but there’s definitely some things that it takes me a little bit of time.
If you could choose one or two songs to have a visual for that would elevate the story you’re telling, which would it be?
First, I’m going to give the dark answer—“Deserve” because I feel like it would only bring more context, especially if they’ve gone through it.I think that would be really cathartic for me as well. If I could write my own ending, obviously I would. The next one, maybe “Promise Me,” just something sexy and creative.
Lastly, what do you want fans to take away from the album and can they expect a tour?
I want fans to be able to acknowledge that it’s okay to be f**ked up, but you also have to call it, name it and work on it. For a lot of people like me, especially an Aries, it’s hard not to hold a grudge. It’s always about learning and growth and I would love for people to be able to create a safe space, or twerk in their room. I embrace a lot of emotions in this album, so I really just want people to call [out] your weaknesses and traumas, but also enjoy working through those things, and accept it and grow from it. Tour will be coming at the end of the year.
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