Kesha Opens Up About Health Struggles, Legal Battles and More: 'I Almost Died in January'

On the heels of her new album 'Gag Order,' the singer talks about her mental health and new outlook on life — as well as her still-ongoing legal battle

Kesha’s legal battles have played out in a public forum, but behind the scenes, the singer has been waging a battle with her health as well.

And for the June cover of Self, the Los Angeles native is addressing these struggles — and how she’s managed to navigate them.

It started, the 36-year-old says, with having a gentler outlook.

"If I just am kinder to myself, everything seems way more manageable. When I first came out, I had this bravado," she tells SELF. "But I'm only human. After receiving so many comments about what was wrong with me, I started taking the meanest commentary as the truth and my higher power. I started internalizing it. I had to start talking to myself like someone who loves me."

But it can be challenging, especially in light of her brutal ongoing legal battle with ex-collaborator Lukasz "Dr. Luke" Gottwald, whom she first sued in 2014 for sexual, emotional, and physical abuse. He filed a countersuit the same year.

In 2016, Kesha's claims were dismissed by a judge — effectively giving her former producer a cut of the profits from even her new album, Gag Order. It's contractually her final album on Dr. Luke's Kemosabe label, and it's largely written about her struggles over the past few years.

And Kesha (full name: Kesha Rose Sebert) admits the title is a nod to her legal issues. “I had to shed light on the darker sides of what happens in my mind. This was me saying, ‘Yeah, I’ve had this self-imposed, implied gag order since I can remember, ’cause I’m still in litigation.’”

The case is expected to go to trial in July.

Related: Doja Cat Says She Likely Won't Work with Dr. Luke Again: 'I Don't Think I Need To'

The singer’s also been dealing with health struggles: Although she opened up about her disordered eating — specifically, bulimia — in 2022, the singer also learned she had CVID (common variable immunodeficiency), an immune disorder that results in low levels of the proteins needed to fight infection, according to the Mayo Clinic. It can lead to increased respiratory and digestive infections, among other conditions.

“When you’re lucky enough to have a song that catches on, you’re just trying to keep up. I had a really hard time saying no to interviews or photo shoots because I didn’t want to let my one chance fall away by not being able to fulfill every request. It led to severe exhaustion physically and mentally,” the singer says.

Although she declines to go into specifics, Kesha does tell SELF that after a New Year’s Eve performance in the Bahamas left her too weak to walk, she ended up in the hospital.

“I almost died in January,” she tells SELF. She said her illness was caused, in part, by her CVID causing a reaction to her earlier decision to freeze her eggs.

“I finally feel recovered, but it took a couple months,” she says. “It was horrifying.”

Now that she’s back and promoting Gag Order, the girl who famously sang that she’ll “brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack” Daniels on her massive 2009 hit “Tik Tok” is taking things much more slowly.

“I have a support system in place [of therapists] that I speak to weekly or monthly,” she says. “[After] not allowing myself to eat or enjoy food for so long in my life, I really turned a corner, and now, I…love food. I started cooking; I go to the farmers market.”

Related: Kelly Clarkson Says She Lost 'Millions' Because She Refused to Share a Writing Credit with Dr. Luke

And before she takes the stage, she admits that while “People probably think I’m back there doing shots, and [my routine is] the most zen s–-- you’ve ever seen.”

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