Kelsea Ballerini Is 'Proud' of Her Emotional Growth: 'My Soul, My Heart and My Body Are at Rest' (Exclusive)

The country star opens up about her transformative past year in PEOPLE's 2023 Beautiful Issue, out Friday

Kelsea Ballerini is due for some "girl talk."

It's a cloudy day in Austin, Texas, in late March, and the country star, 29, is settling into a cozy white fur chair on the set of her PEOPLE Beautiful Issue shoot. As she wholeheartedly shares the highs and lows of her transformative past year — which saw her finalize her divorce from fellow singer Morgan Evans in November — she quips, "I'm having a therapy session. Like, did I need this today? Maybe!"

In all aspects of her life, Ballerini prides herself on being an "open book," a quality that served her well as she wrote her February EP Rolling Up the Welcome Mat about the "turmoil" of her divorce.

"I feel like I'm playing catch up, really, since Rolling Up the Welcome Mat came out because I put out a proper record called Subject to Change in September, and that was an album that I spent two years on, and then obviously, I had a lot of life go on," she says. "I wrote about it 'cause that's what I've always done since I was a kiddo."

Rolling Up the Welcome Mat marked "the first time that I got back to a filterless way of making music," she continues. "I just did it for me, selfishly. I really thought I would put it out and move on. It's not happening that way, so I feel like I'm playing emotional catch-up in the best way."

Performing the songs on the road for the first time on her current Heartfirst tour, running through the first week of July, Ballerini has noticed them "hitting differently" with her fans than her past music.

"When I sing 'Penthouse,' it's a guttural moment with every woman in the room relating to some heartbreak," she says. "I obviously wrote this EP about my divorce, but heartbreak is heartbreak and breakups are breakups. Heartbreak can feel so daunting and isolating when you're in it, and to me, music is a way to connect. It's a really healing thing."

Related:Kelsea Ballerini Says Her Song 'Blindsided' Was 'Responding' to Ex Morgan Evans' 'Over for You'

When it comes to her self-care now, Ballerini says she prioritizes trips to the chiropractor — her TikTok For You page is full of videos on the subject — and surrounding herself with the people she loves, including her fans.

"When I'm on the road, I feel a really big peace when I walk off stage because I'm like, 'Okay, you showed up for people who showed up for you, and you did your job,'" she says. "I've reinvested in my real life really recently, and I feel like I have less people in my life, but the people I do have are pillars and safe and important."

Ballerini adds she's also "really good at being alone again," though it took her "a hot minute."

"I think being alone requires you to be comfortable with whatever's going to come up in the quiet," she says. "If you're okay with whatever arises, then you're fine. If you're not comfortable being alone, it means that you're probably running away from something."

Through this past year, Ballerini says she's noticed how much her perception of beauty has changed.

"I think beautiful to me is happy right now, and that is very subject to change," she says, no pun intended. "I used to think it was very aesthetic, and I think it's much more internal now."

While growing up in Knoxville, Tennessee, Ballerini says she was a "pretty insecure" kid. As a teen, she struggled with an eating disorder until she finally got help at age 18, after passing out several times.

"I've learned that conversation is key," she says. "Whether it's an eating disorder or something else you feel shame around, as soon as you say it out loud to someone you trust, it creates conversation and conversation creates community. When you have community, it's much easier for people to hold you accountable and guide you through the next season of whatever that trauma is."

Related:Kelsea Ballerini and Chase Stokes Made Red Carpet Debut at 2023 CMT Awards: 'I Have a Really Hot Date Tonight'

Even when she had doubts about her self-image, Ballerini says she never lost sight of her "knowing" feeling that she'd make it in music.

"I'm very lucky because I had parents who let me try gymnastics, dance, all these different things," she says. "When I found music, I knew it felt different. My mom, specifically, watched it go from a hobby to a passion to a knowingness. Then she uprooted her life and moved me to Nashville when I was 15. I think since the day that we left Knoxville, that knowingness has been a driving force through every season of uncertainty."

"I think I would tell 15-year-old me, 'You think control is the most important thing in the world because you think if you have control, people can't hurt you. People are going to hurt you. And it's the times in your life where you stop holding things that you will find happiness,'" she adds.

After signing a record deal at 19, Ballerini scored big when her 2014 debut single, "Love Me Like You Mean It" peaked at No. 1 on the Billboard Country Airplay chart. When she released her debut album The First Time in 2015, she also found success with singles "Peter Pan," "Dibs" and "Yeah Boy."

During her rise in music, Ballerini married Evans, 38, in 2017. Still, "I've never had people care about my personal life like I have this last year," says Ballerini, who is currently dating Outer Banks star Chase Stokes. "I've experienced people caring about my music, and I've experienced people caring about certain friendships that I have with other artists. But I've never experienced people caring so much about my personal life."

"I'm adjusting, and it's new and I am figuring it out as I go," she continues. "But I don't know. I'm sure I'm going to overshare sometimes and then recoil sometimes. I'm figuring it out. I'm human."

One of the biggest lessons she says she's learned about love in the past year is that "the greatest gift you can give yourself is staying soft."

"It's really easy to put up walls and picket fences and barbed wire when a relationship doesn't go how you think it's going to because you don't want to get hurt again," she says. "A real gift you can give yourself is to stay soft because you never know when you're going to find it again. The whole point of life is love, and I'm a heart first girly, we all know this. I've written about blissfully and blindly following my heart into the abyss my whole career. And I will continue to do that hopefully 'til the day I die."

Related:Kelsea Ballerini Stops Concert to Ask Fans If a Taylor Swift Song Made the Eras Tour Setlist

When she's done with tour, Ballerini plans to take some much-deserved time off to settle in to her new home in Nashville.

"I haven't had a summer in my new house yet," she says. "I'm really excited to come off this crazy few months and feel hopefully really accomplished and be able to go home to my dog and my friends and just reset."

Beyond her career Ballerini is "really proud" right now of her emotional growth.

"That's making me feel comfortable in my skin," she says. "My soul, my heart, my mind and my body are finally at rest. When I'm happy, I feel beautiful."

For more from Ballerini, pick up PEOPLE's Beautiful Issue, on newsstands Friday, or subscribe here.

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