'Kelly Clarkson!' Hairy-chested 'American Idol' contestant reenacts '40-Year-Old Virgin' waxing scene for a golden ticket

When Gilberto Rivera showed up at the American Idol scene Sunday — rocking his Fabio/Andrew WK mane, red PVC Pretty Woman/Wonder Woman boots, and a scoop-necked sequined rainbow top that revealed a thick thatch of Paul Stanley chest hair — he seemed like a joke contestant, the Season 18 answer to William Hung. And the 23-year-old Miami showman certainly was a good for a laugh: Within seconds of entering the audition room, he’d already charmed the judges so thoroughly that he’d turned the tables, almost literally, and had convinced Lionel Richie to audition for him, singing “Hello.”

But the real surprise came when Gilberto joined Lionel for a spontaneous duet — and hello! He could really sing! The shocked expression on Lionel’s face was like a real-life, real-time GIF. “You just fractured me completely,” Lionel gasped.

The panel really just should’ve given Gilberto his golden ticket right then and there, but Gilberto had more surprises up his rainbow sleeve. His actual audition of “Proud Mary,” complete with frenetic Tina Turner choreo — no easy feat in stiletto stripper heels — and Willow Smith-worthy hair-whipping, was not only damn entertaining, but vocally impressive as well. Tens across the board! Judge Luke Bryan, who appeared “fractured” as well, said, “You have a lot of neat things in your voice. That wasn’t what I was expecting.”

“We’re in this business of uniqueness... and you, my friend, are unique,” admitted Lionel, who thought Gilberto might be better for Broadway than Idol, but was still willing to give this all-around razzle-dazzler a shot. Katy also expressed doubts over whether Gilberto was too gimmicky for the show. “Your voice is the rainbow flag. Your voice is the red boots. You need to put all your attention into your voice,” she said. But Gilberto assured her, “If you give me this opportunity, I will strip it all away, and give you just my voice.”

I don’t really want Gilberto to strip it all away. If anything, I want more rainbows, more sequins, more patent leather! But I appreciated his work ethic — especially since he agreed to another one of Katy’s other stipulations: that he strip away his chest hair. He proved he was willing to suffer and sacrifice for Idol, by heading straight to a salon and waxing it all off for the cameras. And that’s when he gave viewers the biggest laugh of all, reenacting the famous “Kelly Clarkson!” wax-salon scene from The 40-Year-Old Virgin. (Side note: That movie came out 15 years ago. How on earth did it take Idol this long to spoof it? See the original below.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43j8ROcwpKo

An extended YouTube clip of Gilberto’s fuzz-removal session features him shouting out not only original Idol Kelly’s name, but also “Rooooben!!!,” “Fantasia!,” “Carrie Underwood!,” and all three current judges’ names. I could have watched him do that all day, or at least until he made to “Lee DeWyyyyyze!” But anyway, I hope it was worth the pain he just endured. I think Gilberto could make this season super-fun, but considering how America once reacted to flamboyant contestants like Uché or Ada Vox, or to funnymen like Norman Gentle and Heejun Han, I don’t know how long someone like Gilberto can last on this show. Hopefully longer than it takes for his chest hair to grow back.

Gilberto Rivera gets waxed for 'American Idol.' (Photo: ABC)
Gilberto Rivera gets waxed for 'American Idol.' (Photo: ABC)

Sunday showcased this season’s final auditions, and while Gilberto brought some much-needed levity, there were also some serious and downright tear-jerking moments. These were the other successful singers of the night:

Robert Taylor, 27: “Bruises”

Robert grew up a confused and closeted church kid in Louisiana, and when he came out last year, he was ostracized by most of his small-town community and family. But his father, who tragically died shortly afterwards, was the only one who accepted him and encouraged him to be his authentic self. “He taught me that is OK to be me, and that is what a man means,” said the likable crooner, dedicating his stellar Lewis Capaldi piano cover to his late dad. Though he was nervous almost to the point of shaking when he first entered the room, he delivered what Luke called a “perfectly done audition.” Said Robert after he received his golden ticket, “This is the first time I allowed myself to be seen — and it went so good!” I can’t wait to see more of Robert.

Grace Leer, 27: “Crowded Table”/“Crazy”

Grace made the top 20 of the short-lived Idol kiddie spinoff American Juniors when she was 11, and although Ryan Seacrest, who also hosted that show, didn’t remember her at first, it was still cute when they took the #16YearChallenge with a flashback photo. Seacrest looked about the same, except for the Sun-In streaks ‘n’ tips in his hair back then — but Grace is all grown up now. Her husky-but-pure tone sounded pretty on the Highwomen song, but the real magic happened when Katy requested some a cappella Patsy Cline. Grace’s voice truly is from another era, and Katy encouraged her to keep going retro, because it could be the “instant identity” that sets Grace apart. “I’ve been wanting to be a singer since I was a little girl, and this was the first I ever felt like, ‘Holy crap, this is possible,’” gushed Grace, who apparently wasn’t quite as confident in 2004.

Franklin Boone, 27: “Dreams”

The School of Rock teacher’s Fleetwood Mac interpretation was folksy but soulful, reminding me of Eagle Eye Cherry or Damien Rice. He had one of those rare voices that was soft, sexy, and strong, all at once. Luke said this was an “Alejandro moment,” referring to last season’s breakout prodigy Alejandro Aranda, and Katy proclaimed that Franklin has a “good chance to win. …Franklin is the show!” This season is crowded with artsy singer-songwriter types like Louis Knight, Jonny West, and Arthur Gunn, but Franklin might actually outshine them.

Roselyn “Rozzo” Carter, 26: “Mother Bowed”/“So High”

This humble church singer, proudly representing her rough L.A. neighborhood of Watts, showcased a stunningly pure tone and total connectedness on her first a cappella song by gospel group the Pilgrim Travelers. But when the judges suggested she do some John Legend with piano accompaniment, she was even more remarkable. There was a quiet strength and dignity there that tempered the rawness. “I cannot tell you how moving each one of those deliveries were,” marveled a “knocked-out” Lionel. “You embody what American Idol stands for. You are the dream,” Katy told Rozzo — who stayed stoic in the audition room, but broke down in sobs as soon as she got outside. This is another kid I am rooting for.

Megan Knight, 21: “When Your Mind’s Made Up”

For some reason, the producers decided to stage this contestant’s “impromptu” audition on a boat docked on the Potomac River outside the D.C. auditions. If it actually was a spur-of-the-moment stunt and not totally staged, then the unflappable Megan handled the busking-style challenge well, and her voice was impressively unaffected by the unpredictable outdoor environment. And her Glen Hansard song choice got a thumbs-up from me. But otherwise, this was nothing special. I was surprised Megan received a “boat vote” of three yeses.

Aliana Juster, 18: “Who’s Loving You?”

Aliana was almost upstaged by her emotional support animal, a cuddly Frenchie named Nova. I was about to roll my eyes over what at first seemed like obvious attempt to win over the judges by playing the cute-dog card. But when she told her harrowing hardship of her now-estranged mom joining some sort of religious cult — a decision that had horrific consequences for Aliana’s well-being and mental health — I understood why she needed Nova by her side. Aliana sang with such power that Nova seemed startled by the volume, but the judges still craved more emotion, as did I. (Maybe Aliana was holding back so as not to scare the pooch?) “You have an incredible gift, you can hit all the notes, but I just want to you take all that sadness and pain and put it into the words,” said Katy. This woman has potential, but she seems a bit fragile and might struggle in Hollywood. I wonder if Nova got a golden ticket too?

Jahzan, 18: “Rockabye”/“Warrior”

This Jamaican busker, who’s currently homeless and sleeping on a sofa in her uncle’s beauty salon, brought her hype-woman mama with her, and honestly I preferred the mother’s performance. (“Wherever the career goes, put your mom on the stage,” Lionel advised.) Jahzan was actually better on her first, mother-assisted number, a Clean Bandit banger, than she was the solo Demi Lovato ballad that the judges requested moments later. While the judges described as her voice “interesting” and “like a mix of Toni Braxton, Cher, Shakira” — which wasn’t untrue — I thought Jahzan sounded like Maya Rudolph or Ana Gasteyer in an SNL skit. Her affectations could become grating fast, and I wonder if the judges would’ve even put her through if she hadn’t shown up with her adorable mom and hard-luck backstory. “You sound very different and unique… but we’re going to have to coach you up quite a bit,” warned Lionel.

Jordan Moyes, 25: “I’m on Fire”

Katy got “chillbumps” from this indie-folk Springsteen cover, which reminded me of a gruffer Sufjan Stevens or Elliott Smith. Luke was even more excited, stage-whispering, “I want to sign him now!” and telling Jordan, “Your guitar, delivery, and singing screams ‘massive songwriter.’” Jordan’s acoustic picking, which Katy called her “favorite kind of guitar playing,” was perhaps even more extraordinary than his voice; it surely was not a coincidence that the producers cued up some Lindsey Buckingham as his exit music.

Demi Rae, 26: “Mad at You”

As a little misfit girl, Demi wrote a book in which she imagined her future and said her dream was to appear on American Idol. Her whole life had been ramping up to this moment, and despite that pressure and her self-confessed confidence issues, she didn’t choke. Her sassy/sexy/soulful voice was very Jessie J-meets-Yebba, with what Luke called a “natural cry.” Said Lionel, “If this is how you sing when you’re scared to death and have no confidence, I can’t imagine how what you’re gonna be when you’re like, ‘Oh my God, I’ve got this!’” Demi revealed that she’d been too insecure to follow her music dreams before because she “doesn’t look like the other girls,” to which Katy said, “There’s probably not someone who looks like you because you’re supposed to be the one that looks like you!” And then Katy handed back Demi’s book — bookmarked on page 3 with a golden ticket. Aw. I think Demi has many more chapters ahead.

Makayla Brownlee, 17: “Travelin’ Soldier”

I don’t think anyone expected this sheltered small-town country girl, who admitted to being overwhelmed by this whole experience, to be so mature and poised. She may be young, but she is ready for prime time. Katy loved her sweetness and sincerity, while Lionel loved the “magic trick” of Makayla’s “yodel-cry.” Luke feared that the “dogfight” in Hollywood would be tough for Makayla, but hey, this girl catches snakes for fun, so I think she can handle it.

Amber Fielder, 23: “Trust in Me”

Amber showed up 38 weeks pregnant, revealing that she has unselfishly made arrangements to put her baby up for open adoption, since she is not in a financial position to give her unborn daughter a stable home life. Lionel praised Amber’s “adult decision,” and Luke praised her honesty and willingness to be a role model for other women out there struggling with a similar decision. Amber’s performance of the Etta James classic was heartbreaking but inspirational; there’s no way she wasn’t dedicating it to her child. All of the judges were in awe. “You definitely have a really big shot of going very far. … Maybe you’re not ready to be a mom, but you are ready to be an American Idol,” said Katy. However, Amber’s due date is only one week before Hollywood Week, so it’s possible that she will not be physically and/or emotionally ready to compete. But Katy assured her, “We’re here to support you through this process. You’re not alone.”

And so, the Season 18 auditions ended on an especially poignant note. On a bonus Monday episode, Hollywood Week will kick off, and apparently it’s going to full of shockers, radical rule changes, and “twists.” See you then.

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