Kelly Clarkson on fears that divorce would hurt her kids: 'I would hope for way better for them'

It's been three years since Kelly Clarkson filed for divorce from Brandon Blackstock, and she and her kids are "still having conversations" about why the relationship ended.

The singer got real about the impact that divorce can have on kids on Glennon Doyle's "We Can Do Hard Things" podcast in an episode released Tuesday. Her own kids, she said, "are just really adamant about keeping that dream alive that we might still be together" even though she and her ex-husband "are never around each other."

Clarkson first filed for divorce from husband and manager Blackstock after seven years of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences. The couple share two children together: River Rose Blackstock, 9, and Remington Alexander Blackstock, 7.

Before divorcing Blackstock, Clarkson worried a lot about what relationship choice was best for her kids.

"You think about your kids right, and you think like, 'oh man, how's this gonna affect them,'" she said.

The "American Idol" champion remembered how seeing her own mother stay in a difficult marriage impacted her. "Watching my mother in two different marriages, there’s things you pick up on even as a kid that you’re like, 'this is unhealthy, an unhealthy environment to live in,'" she said.

"I would never want my daughter or son in this relationship," she realized after reflecting on her own marriage. "I would hope for way better for them, and a far better kind of love."

"You try so hard, like – I do not want to do that to her, I don't want to do that to him – that you start never thinking of yourself," she added. Eventually, she felt "the tug of really needing to love yourself."

Clarkson reflected on whether she made the "better" decision.

"Was it better in the end? I'm like, I don't know that it's better in the end, either way is hard. I think it comes down to you."

"I'm a better mother, I can say that, after," she added. "I'm a far better mother. Because I think when you're honest with yourself you're able to be honest with others."

'We're going to work it out': Kelly Clarkson gets candid about how her kids cope with her divorce

Earlier this year, Clarkson talked on the "Angie Martinez IRL" podcast about how she checks in with her kids post-divorce.

"I ask my kids every night when we're snuggling and I put them to bed, 'Are you happy? And ... if you're not, what could make you happier?'" the singer said.

She added that she wants her kids to be honest and open with her, even if it's hard for her to hear. "I don't ever say, 'Oh God, don't tell me that,' but a lot of times it would be like, 'I'm just really sad. I wish Mommy and Daddy were in the same house,'" the "American Idol" star explained.

Clarkson and Backstock's divorce process was marred by legal encounters including a property battle, a labor dispute over Clarkson’s management fees under Blackstock’s firm and a custody battle over their two children. Clarkson was awarded primary custody of the children in November 2020.

Contributing: Morgan Hines

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Kelly Clarkson talks Brandon Blackstock divorce impact on kids