Kamala Harris on Her Marriage, What Keeps Her up at Night and the Beyoncé Song She Calls Her Anthem (Exclusive)

“It’s important to have people in your life who will applaud your ambition,” the vice president tells PEOPLE in a revealing new interview

Kamala Harris is vice president “24/7, 365” as her husband of nine years, second gentleman Doug Emhoff, puts it. But on her 59th birthday on Oct. 20, she was planning on a slightly more relaxed day than usual: after a morning interview and photo shoot with PEOPLE, perhaps a few moments in her vegetable garden — where she likes to pick fresh tarragon for salads — followed by a small gathering with family and close friends. An early summons from the president to report to the Oval Office amid the ongoing crisis in Israel and Gaza meant that Harris was thrust into action, with her staff scrambling to rearrange her day.

Of course, for the highest-ranking woman in U.S. history, birthdays — along with nearly everything else — are a distant second to the job.

At the end of each evening, after reading her nightly “binders” of briefing documents (“about this thick,” she explains, placing her hands a foot apart), Harris says she tries to have some “wind-down time.” Still, she admits that the brief respite and a mug of chamomile tea aren’t quite enough.

“I usually wake up in the middle of the night with some thought of what’s going on,” she says. “Then I fall back asleep, and the next day starts.”

Restless nights, hurried days, intense pressure: Welcome to Kamala Harris’ world, in which the triple landmark of being the first woman, first Black person and first person of South Asian descent to serve as vice president carries an unprecedented combination of scrutiny and expectation.

Nearly three years into a role that is notoriously diffuse — “I am vice president. In this I am nothing, but I may be everything,” John Adams famously said — the woman who is a heartbeat away from the most powerful job in the world is determined to take things one day at a time.

She is well aware that in a hyperpolarized political culture, the “comments section” of her life draws both praise and vitriol. The latter, which often veers into racism and sexism, is something Harris has navigated throughout her lifelong career in public service.

“The strategy is focusing on the people who are there to support you rather than giving your energy to those who may not be,” she says of her approach to managing negativity. “It’s important to have people in your life who will applaud your ambition.” But she is quick to note that included in that group are “people who are very candid with you. Who are going to say to you, ‘Honey, you need a mint.’ ‘You have food in your teeth.’ Right?”

Related: Kamala Harris Has Been Breaking Barriers for Years — 'Not Without Sacrifice, Not Without Pain'

Harris’ critics, of course, don’t hesitate to point out her perceived slip-ups, from her meme-able “word salads” to deep frustrations with what many see as a lack of impact during her current term.

After making history with Joe Biden in 2020 — “We did it, Joe,” she effused in a viral video declaring their winning moment — Harris has seen her favorability rating dip to 39%, slightly less than both Biden and her predecessor Mike Pence, according to recent polling by the Los Angeles Times.

Although she has crisscrossed the country, most recently drawing more than 10,000 Gen Z students on her “Fight for Our Freedoms College Tour” (her favorability among Gen Z holds at almost 60%), she has been accused of low visibility among even her supporters.

She has also been tasked with leading the administration’s public stance on immigration, sparking dissent from all sides. At the final stop of her tour at Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, a student confronted Harris about “this country’s inhumane [immigration] policies,” drawing a comparison to the treatment of Palestinians and sparking loud applause from the young crowd. (Harris cited her own “lived experience” as the daughter of an immigrant mother for how she approaches the issue.)

Experts say that as Republicans and Democrats become increasingly entrenched, those in the White House are unlikely to enjoy the kind of widespread popularity of past administrations. But beyond her traditional role championing the administration’s priorities — including gun safety legislation, reproductive rights and the youth vote — her status as a trailblazer has had an impact that can’t yet be measured either at home or abroad.

With a diverse, largely female staff and events often centered on women and girls, Harris is “showing a woman as a national leader of the major country in the world [in ways] no previous vice president has done,” says Joel Goldstein, author and expert in vice presidential history.

Related: Kamala Harris Tours 'Slave Castle' in Ghana, Asserts That 'the Horror' of Black History 'Must Be Taught'

And what about becoming the first Madam President? It’s not a question she’s interested in addressing at the moment, focusing instead on the 2024 reelection efforts alongside Biden, 80, and remaining fiercely committed to her mantra of “eating no for breakfast.”

“Some people, frankly, are limited in their ability to understand what’s possible,” she says. “Some people just can’t see what they’ve never seen. And that’s okay. That’s why we have people who break ground, break glass, break barriers.”

Related: Kamala Harris Opens Up About How Her Life Has Changed as the First Black Woman Vice President

Even at home, of course, Harris is reshaping the vice presidency: a book titled Our Vice-Presidents and Second Ladies in the pink-wallpapered (her choice) library reflects the fact that “there will not just be a new addition to that book, there will be a new book,” she says.

Emhoff is both the first second gentleman and the first Jewish person to be among the “Big Four” in the White House. (In another first, a mezuzah — a Jewish symbol of faith — is positioned on the door of the historic Vice President’s Residence in Washington, D.C.)

At the start and end of each day, “we try to approach those moments as husband and wife, not vice president and second gentleman,” says Emhoff, 59, who recently celebrated the wedding of son Cole to Greenley Littlejohn on Oct. 14, with Harris officiating.

“It’s really our time to be a couple,” he says. “The morning check-in is a little more procedural: ‘Where are you today? Love you too. Have a great day.’ But to the extent we’re able to have that connection at night, it’s really couple time: time talking about kids, family and very little about the workings of our days.”

Related: Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff Speaks on Toxic Masculinity and Being Kamala's Cheerleader

Harris’ favorite title is “Momala” to stepkids Cole, 29, and Ella, 24. “It’s the name the kids gave me, and I wear it proudly.” She finds the most peace, she adds, with her family.

“I am my happiest self when generations in my family are getting together and I’m cooking,” she says. “Recently for the wedding weekend, my baby nieces, my husband gets up early and does his coffee and whatever, and they just came running in my room and then jumped in bed with me, and we just talked and laughed.”

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For now, that cherished downtime is rare. International turmoil continues to shake the globe, the 2024 campaign trail is just around the corner, and millions of Americans on both sides of the political aisle continue to feel frustrated with a variety of issues.

But Harris is unbowed. Sharing that she attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance World Tour this summer, she says her favorite song is “Break My Soul.”

“I just love that song,” she says. “I play it all the time. I think it’s one of the anthems for women . . . when [Beyoncé says] ‘you,’ you could be life, you could be a person, you could be a situation. You will not break my soul. I can endure.”

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