Just A Few Hilariously Cynical Valentine’s Day Tweets For Those With Dark, Cold Hearts
To some,Valentine’s Day is a magical day full of flowers, romance and opportunities to make single people feel terrible online.
Being that there’s currently an “epidemic of loneliness” so severe in the U.S. that the surgeon general felt compelled to release a freakin’ advisory on it last year, we’re figuring many people are feeling personally victimized by the onslaught of clichéd social media posts featuring candlelight dinners, proposals and happy couples holding hands on the beach. (We’re looking at you, Barack Obama!)
But here at HuffPost, we say Valentine’s Day this year is just another Wednesday — and it’s OK if you don’t have a special someone to fully celebrate the ultimate hump day.
So, in honor of Cupid’s stupid day landing on a Wednesday, we think you should view it the way that Wednesday Addams would — cynically, and wanting to burn the whole holiday down.
To help you get into this mindset, we’ve gathered plenty of anti-Valentine’s Day posts from X (formerly Twitter) that will further solidify the icy layer around your frosty heart.
Enjoy! 🖤🖤🖤
I SAID YES!!! 😍😍😍😍😍💍💍💍💍 ❤️❤️❤️❤️ someone asked if I was alone for valentine’s day!!!
— trash jones (@jzux) February 14, 2024
and that’s how you know she really loves you pic.twitter.com/bm0COmeAgR
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) February 12, 2024
A heart shaped pizza is actually less pizza…don’t fall for that shit.
— Benny Boy (@Camel_Crushin) February 13, 2024
As your goth valentine I will put my beating heart under the floorboard of your enemy’s favorite room.
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) February 13, 2024
Today is Tuesday. Valentine’s Day is Wednesday. Tomorrow. The stores are COVERED in flowers, candy, candles, stuffed animals, etc. If that man shows up without a gift or trinket, he’s hates you and wants you to die. The cheapest bouquet I saw was $4.99. HE WANTS YOU TO PERISH.
— Grip Bayless (@talleyberrybaby) February 13, 2024
me: i don’t have a valentine
my bank account: thank you god— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) February 13, 2024
for valentine’s day i’m gonna poison him then nurse him back to health
— julia (@juumelo_) February 13, 2024
Flowers for Valentine’s Day are cool…but what she really needs is windshield wiper fluid.
— Benny Boy (@Camel_Crushin) February 14, 2024
Ash Wednesday: Valentines Day: pic.twitter.com/9wxRtHgxec
— JRR Jokien (@joshcarlosjosh) February 14, 2024
My parents have been married 60 years. My mom told me she has been giving my dad the same Valentine’s Day card for TWENTY years. And the beauty is he has no idea. He reads it in its entirety every year. And then she puts it back in a drawer for next year. Freaking genius.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 13, 2024
It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) February 13, 2024
I SAID YES!!! 😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💖💖💖💍💍💍💍💍 someone asked me if i was feeling sad!!
— ©🎀 (@casbby888) February 13, 2024
Save money this Valentine's Day by being unlovable
— Sorrow-scopes (@Sorrowscopes) February 13, 2024
I’m single by choice. Not my choice. Everyone else’s choice.
— Shae Aaron (@ShaeAaron) February 13, 2024
Happy “3 course prix fixe menu that involves something red or heart shaped” day.
— Chef Reactions (@ChefReactions) February 14, 2024
When you feel unloved on Valentine's Day just remember, on other days nobody loves you, too.
— AnnaAnkaAnia (@samerealwoman) February 13, 2024
Valentine’s Day falling on Ash Wednesday is the original Barbenheimer
— Matthew Levy (@MattLevy51) February 14, 2024
just had a bad flashback to Valentine’s Day at my high school. you could buy roses to send to people & they’d be delivered during class, so we all got to watch the popular girls get eight while we just sat there!
but I’m a writer now so I’m glad I learned about rejection early.— Alicia A-Z, PhD, she/her (@aliciaandrz) February 13, 2024
Happy obligatory post with your significant other day.
— Erica Rhodes (@ericarhodes) February 14, 2024
I cant ’t believe they just broke into my
house and took my woman's valentine’s day gifts😞😞😞😞😞😞— Jacuzzzzzzz. (@validrakeem) February 11, 2024
the most romantic movie of all time, gone girl <3 https://t.co/R53sHbZGaWpic.twitter.com/OKSLeLtimZ
— triz ☆ (@margotsprestige) February 13, 2024
If men wrote candy hearts:
- hi
- hey
-hello
- HI
- *seen at 1:46am*— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) February 14, 2024
So glad I helped 3 kids make 75 valentines for everyone’s trash cans.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 14, 2024
I still send my ex flowers every Valentine’s Day.
I always sign it “thanks for last night” so that it starts a fight with her new husband— PieGuy (@ilovepie84) February 14, 2024
A dozen of your finest red roses…and $20 on pump 7, my good man
— LL Gabagool Jay (@JayTorch1031) February 14, 2024
Wife: UGH. Fine. Go ahead, but make it quick.
Hope your Valentine's Day is as magical as mine.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 14, 2024
anxiously awaiting my dog to confirm that i am in fact her valentine as well
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) February 14, 2024
Did anyone else’s iPhone feature a slideshow of their ex today set to gentle piano music
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) February 14, 2024
Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day? Big day for those of us that love having stuff wiped on our foreheads
— Ally 𓅇 (@aladycalledcake) February 14, 2024
Blood is red
Propofol is white
I’m sorry you are having a surgery
I’ll make sure you wake up alright
Love poems from your friendly anesthesiologist— Milad Sharifpour, MD (@MSharifpourMD) February 14, 2024