Frazer Harrison/Getty Jordana Brewster
Jordana Brewster is opening up about what led to her developing an eating disorder and how she worked to overcome it.
In a candid new essay for Glamour, the 41-year-old F9 actress detailed her divorce from Andrew Form and moving on with current boyfriend Mason Morfit, recalling one point in her marriage when she felt so out of control that she became hyper-focused on food and her body.
"The first year of our marriage, I started to binge and developed an eating disorder," wrote Brewster, who wed Form in May 2007. "He was kind and safe and supported me. I knew something was wrong with me. I had no creative output or outlet. I felt isolated, and the passivity drove me crazy. While my husband worked a full day on set, I would do the occasional audition. I was bored."
"I would raid the mini bar at the Four Seasons for snacks and then promptly go downstairs to make sure it was restocked and paid for before my husband realized anything was missing," she recalled. "I had a buzzing sense of chaos within me that clashed with my actual inertia. I was stuck."
Brewster said that a few years later, her disordered eating "swung to the other extreme" and she began to "restrict rather than binge."
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"The cliché that controlling your food gives you the illusion of control of your life is true. But it also does something else: A fixation with your body gives you tunnel vision," she explained. "I was so focused on the number on the scale and the number of calories I consumed in a day that I ignored all other problems. I didn't look closely at my career, my marriage."
The Fast9 star added that "years of therapy helped me through my control and eating issues, and now I'm lucky to be at a level of peace with my body. If body issues do come up, I deal with them head-on."
Brewster, who shares sons Rowan, 5, and Julian, 7½, with Form, wrote in the Thursday essay that the divorce "wasn't my fault or my ex-husband's fault," explaining that timing factored into their emotional "growing apart."
As she wrote, "In my 20s and most of my 30s, I second-guessed every move or decision I made. In my 40s, I know what I value and am proud of decisions I can make on my own. My newfound security helps my kids in the long run. I know that in my heart. I also feel like I finally have a partner."
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Speaking with Health magazine last summer, Brewster opened up about her relationship with food, revealing at the time, "I am a control freak, so I went through phases where I was obsessed with the number on the scale and I didn't want to deviate. I was never anorexic, but I was definitely too controlled to be healthy."
"It is all about balance and feeling comfortable in your skin," she added.
If you or someone you know is battling an eating disorder, please contact the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) at 1-800-931-2237 or go to NationalEatingDisorders.org.