John Travolta Is ‘Falling Apart Nearly 4 Years After Kelly Preston’s Death: He ‘Refuses to Move On’

In the wake of wife Kelly Preston’s 2020 death from breast cancer at 57, John Travolta had a very candid conversation about loss with his youngest child, Benjamin. “He said to me once, ‘Because Mom passed away, I’m afraid you’re going to,’” the Grease star shared. “I said, ‘Well, it’s a very different thing.’ And I went through the differences about my longevity and her limited life.” John told Ben he wanted to be truthful about life and death. “Nobody knows when they are going to go or when they are going to stay. I could die tomorrow. You could. Anybody can. So let’s look at it like it’s part of life. You don’t know exactly. You just do your best at trying to live the longest you can.”

But John is just surviving, not thriving, a source exclusively tells In Touch. The actor has been devoted to his children, Ella, 24, an actress, and Benjamin, 13, since they lost their mother. “He’s a great dad and involved in their lives,” says the source. “But they’re growing up and becoming more independent. Meanwhile, he’s falling apart and lonely. He’s often alone in that big house in Florida thinking about all the loss he’s been through. That’s a lot of pain and grief to process.”

The 70-year-old actor is still finding his way. “Everyone wants him to be happy and fall in love again,” says the source. “Ella and Benjamin want him to start dating, but John is always making excuses. He says they have to come first.” They miss Kelly and don’t want her replaced, adds the source, “but it’s been almost four years since she passed and John still refuses to move on with his life.”

It can’t help that he’s experienced so much heartache in his life. In 2009, John and Kelly’s first child, son Jett, tragically died at 16. Three decades earlier, in 1977, a 23-year-old John lost girlfriend Diana Hyland, who’d played his mother in The Boy in the Plastic Bubble, to breast cancer at 41. He was with her during her last moments and has said he “felt the breath go out of her.”

The twice Oscar-nominated actor’s career is seemingly in a lull, too. He just starred in the direct-to-digital action flick Cash Out and has two projects in post-production, “but nothing he’s really passionate about,” says the source. “And his religion doesn’t seem to be the biggest priority for him anymore, either. Since Kelly’s passing, he’s just not as connected to his faith as he once was.”

Bottom line, says the source, “John is afraid to open up and be vulnerable again, which is sad because he’s the kindest, nicest guy and has one of the biggest hearts of anyone in Hollywood.”