Joanna Gaines Says She Lied About Her Middle Name to Avoid Being Bullied at School

The Fixer Upper star appeared on Today Tuesday to talk about her new memoir, The Stories We Tell

Joanna Gaines is opening up about some tough times from her childhood.

While promoting her new memoir, The Stories We Tell, the Fixer Upper star, 44, appeared on Today with Hoda Kotb on Tuesday to discuss how she dealt with being bullied as a kid and how she's still processing it today.

"I told the other kids my middle name was Anne because it sounded more American than Lee," Kotb, 58, read aloud from the heartbreaking passage, in which Gaines talks about the struggles she faced being half-Korean and feeling different from the other kids in her Kansas hometown. It continues, "The lies I told out loud though weren't as harmful as the lies I was letting take root in my heart."

"It was like I couldn't find my place," Gaines explained on the show. "I remember going to Korean church and feeling like, 'I don't look like them,' because I felt like, you know, I was a 'halfie.' And then going to school and being the only girl who looked pretty Asian."

Finding her place, she said, was an "internal" process. Though she acknowledged the beauty of both her parents' cultures, the designer said she saw herself "somewhere in the middle."

Related: Joanna Gaines Struggled with Insecurity After Getting Bullied as a Child for Her Korean Heritage

Like many kids, the teasing for Gaines started in the lunch room, especially when she ate her mom's Korean cooking. "I loved rice. I loved my mom's food. And in the moment when you'd open it, that's when all the kids where like, "What?" She "laughed off the insults" and didn't process the pain they caused until much later.

While out shopping, she noticed that her mom "ignored the slow glances at the grocery store," so Gaines mirrored her to do the same. She admits it took the little girl in her a long time to know her self-worth and embrace all of her heritage.

Gaines' own daughters, Ella Rose, 16, and Emmie Kay, 12, were on set to cheer on their mom, who said she mainly wrote the book for them.

The mother of five also shares three sons with husband and Fixer Upper co-star Chip Gaines: Drake, 18, Duke, 14, and Crew, 4. The couple has been married since 2003.

Related: <em>Chip and Joanna Gaines&#39; Relationship Timeline</em>

Gaines also discussed her childhood with PEOPLE for last week's cover story.

"We were literally the only Asians in our entire school," Gaines recalled of her small town. "My early memories, a lot of the things that come up are the moments where I switched off and I thought to myself, 'Oh, I can't be this,' or 'I shouldn't be this' or this won't be approved. Like I won't get the approval, you know, that you want as a kid."

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It was only after leaving for a college internship in New York City that she began gaining a whole new perspective.

"I saw more people that looked like me than ever before," she says. "I left really understanding the beauty and uniqueness of Korean culture and for the first time I felt whole, like this is fully who I am and I'm proud of it."

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