Jimmy Kimmel Clears Ted Cruz In Twitter Porn Scandal: “He Masturbates To Pics Of Poor People Without Health Care”
Jimmy Kimmel was among late-night hosts spinning comedy gold from news that Sen. Ted Cruz’s official Twitter account had “liked” a porn video the previous night.
“The video is from a genre known as stepmom porn,” ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live host explained of the “family values guy.”
“Just think, if only he had done something this perverted during the campaign, he might be president right now!” Kimmel speculated.
The situation tickled Kimmel, as it had others across the TV landscape — Cruz being the guy who famously supported a law banning sex toys.
The post was up most of the previous night, but “according to a spokeswoman, the tweet has been removed and the senator is being punished for being a very naughty boy,” Kimmel reported.
“Let’s go through the possibilities of how this could’ve happened,” said Kimmel, clearly loath to let go:
“I have four theories,” he began:
“No. 1: Someone on his staff was browsing porn on Twitter and accidentally liked it.
“No 2: His Twitter account was hacked.
“No. 3: Ted himself was looking at the porn – his wife Heidi walked in and he accidentally hit the ‘like’ button while trying to get his pants zipped up.
“Or, No. 4: Ted lost the election, was bullied by the president, did not get offered a Cabinet position, he’s tired of being the uptight religious guy from Texas. He just said: ‘Screw it. I watch porn in public now. This is who I am.’ Wouldn’t that be refreshing?”
Cruz did some phone interviews with TV news outlets hours before Kimmel’s show taped, claiming an aide with access to his account was responsible and it had happened inadvertently.
“Is this person you?” Kimmel asked Cruz in absentia. “‘Staffing issue’ sounds suspicious.”
But Kimmel finally did come to Cruz’s defense:
“I honestly don’t think it was Ted Cruz. I don’t think Ted Cruz looks at porn. Ted Cruz masturbates to pictures of poor people without health care.”
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYw9f67p1ck&w=620&h=340]
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