Derick Dillard is offering his perspective on how to keep the fire alive in a marriage.
A little over two months after his wife Jill Duggar Dillard opened up about her sex life and how wives can best love their husbands in a blog post on the Dillard Family website, Derick decided to share his own thoughts on the topic from a male standpoint.
Writing on the family blog on Wednesday in a post called “Hot Love: How to Love Your Wife Like You Mean It,” Derick, 30, explained that fans had specifically requested his tips for being a better husband after Jill’s post was so well-received in June.
As he opened up about their marriage, Derick emphasized the importance of keeping the fire alive, especially after you’ve moved out of the “newlywed phase,” and suggested having “lots of good sex” in order to do this.
“You both need this time together regularly (5-6 times (or more) a week is a good start),” he wrote, which is an increase of his wife’s earlier suggestion of “3-4 times a week.”
“And when you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate,” he continued.
“Let your spouse know that you’re always available. Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone. Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting!”
“Although I do realize that sometimes things may change slightly due to life changes (e.g. kids, work schedules, Chuck E. Cheese nights with the guys, etc.), one thing I think we need to recognize is that the flame in your marriage doesn’t have to die out!” he added. “But, like a fire sometimes, if you’re not intentional and don’t work hard to keep your relationship hot, it can fade.”
Derick also stressed how crucial it is to “never allow your wife to think you’re her father.”
“Whether it’s making demands, expecting her to keep the house spotless, or telling her to get off her phone…if she says ‘I feel like you’re my father when you…,’ then pay attention to that and ask her what you can to do change/how to handle the situation the next time!” he advised.
Likewise, Derick reminded his male readers that “your wife is not your mom” and explained that “you are teammates and she is your God-given woman. Keep this in mind and let it shape the way you relate.”
Besides physical intimacy, Derick suggested having open communication — including uninterrupted conversations every day for at least 15 to 20 minutes — prioritizing family time and weekly date nights, properly solving any issues and calling your wife a “fun or sweet” pet name.
“Forsaking quality time together is dangerous, and it’s a quick way to drift apart in your marriage and to get out-of-touch with your spouse,” he wrote.
The Counting On star also challenged his readers to spend every night together during your first year of marriage (he and Jill, 28, haven’t spent a night apart in over five years) and implement ways to make each other feel more secure in the relationship.
Derick went on to share some examples of this security, including subscribing to an internet filtering service on their laptops and phones and sharing their social media passwords with each other.
“Another thing we purpose to do is to never be alone in the same room with someone of the opposite gender,” he explained. “Sometimes this is hard and requires more intentionality.”
“For example, if I have a private meeting with a female, I may choose to leave the door open, or if Jill needs a repairman to come work on something at the house when I’m gone then she might invite a friend over while he’s there,” he continued.
“We realize though that safeguards alone aren’t enough…it is more about the heart and commitment to purity, but they may be helpful in reducing the prevalence of some situations, or even just the appearance of evil,” he added.
Derick’s tips for a successful marriage come just two days after Jill revealed that the couple uses a book called A Year of Sexy Dates from the Dating Divas, which includes “12 different bedroom games and sexy activities” to spice up their sex life.
The reality star also opened up about their time in the bedroom at the end of June when they traveled to Branson, Missouri to celebrate their five-year wedding anniversary.
In a recap slideshow on Jill’s Instagram, the mom of two included a snap of their sexy bedroom setup, which featured the Kama Sutra, a massage oil candle, a plate of Skittles and a game scorecard that had “Bedroom Edition” written across the top.
Some of Jill’s fans, however, later criticized her for sharing her sex life so publicly and reading the Kama Sutra, which has roots in Hinduism and includes chapters on same-sex and group sex relationships and when adultery is deemed acceptable — both of which conflict with Bible teachings.
In response to the backlash, Jill added a note at the bottom of her post and defended her and Derick’s decisions.
“We are not recommending the Kama Sutra,” she wrote. “We believe marriage is ordained by God and husbands and wives should filter everything they read and hear together through the lense [sic] of the Bible and not practice anything unbiblical.”
“The little book pictured is a modern, smaller, cleaner, edited version that doesn’t focus on spiritual aspects, homosexual, or other extramarital relationships, and again, we don’t take everything in there either as the truth,” the mom of two added. ‘It is always good to be aware and careful of what we allow into our minds, hearts and marriages.”
“We’ve not read the actual Kama Sutra and only promote biblical marriage (i.e. between a man and woman who are married),” she finished. “We just wanted to clarify since there has been a lot of discussion after this post.❤️”
Jill and Derick were married on June 21, 2014 before a congregation of more than 1,000 family and friends in her hometown of Springdale, Arkansas. The couple have two children — sons Israel David, 4, and Samuel Scott, 2.