Jenna Lyons Opens Up on Connecting to the Housewives: "Friendship Is Still Hard for Me"
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It seems like a stretch of the imagination that Jenna Lyons — as influential and legendary as she is — lives with the insecurities of forming true and meaningful friendships. But the New York Housewife recently opened up about how her past cultivated a fear of rejection and how being on The Real Housewives of New York City has changed much of it.
Writing for Oprah Daily, the former J. Crew President and Executive Creator Director explained what helped shape her into who she is today.
Growing up in Southern California, Jenna and her younger brother were raised by a mother with “pretty severe” Asperger’s Syndrome (part of the autism spectrum), Jenna explained. Her mother “didn’t have that mechanism for empathy,” according to Jenna, which had a lasting impact on how Jenna has formed friendships over the years.
“To this day, friendship is still hard for me,” said the fashion icon. “I don’t have a huge network of friends because I never learned how to do it.”
You wouldn’t know it by looking at Jenna, who has hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers and has made many-a Met Gala red-carpet appearance, but being social was difficult for her. However, she noted that many people around her work for her or “are in service in some way and I pay them.”
“My mom had no friends, either,” she said. “I really had no road map for what friendships look like.”
The subject of her mother's recent death came up in Episode 2 of RHONY, prompting Jenna to explain their complicated relationship and its impact on her own friendships.
Creative director of J. Crew Jenna Lyons attends Prabal Gurung Spring 2016 during New York Fashion Week: The Shows at The Arc, Skylight at Moynihan Station on September 13, 2015 in New York City. Photo: Getty Images
“While she knew she was always called out for saying weird things or for being cold or for not having any kind of emotion, my mom had no idea she had Asperger’s,” said Jenna. “She got diagnosed much later in life.”
Jenna said she knew her family was “different,” something that made “total sense” to Erin Lichy.
“You get glimpses of the Jenna that we love, which is the warm and the open and the outgoing,” Erin explained. “But the way that she was raised creeps back in.”
Being Bullied Also Had an Effect
Jenna also discussed in Oprah Daily about being bullied throughout her childhood, primarily by schoolmates making fun of her for her Incontentia Pigmenti, a “rare” genetic disorder which significantly affects skin, hair, and teeth. She has since undergone no less than 14 oral surgeries (and still counting) and has opened up about balding and her scarred, hyperpigmented skin.
“Until the 10th grade… I only had about 13 very small, cone-shaped teeth and huge gaps in the rest of my mouth.”
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As a child, Jenna’s peers would chase her off the school bus and resort to physical violence, which also seems to have played a part in how Jenna forms relationships.
“I won’t ask people to do things with me because I’m so afraid that they’ll say no; it’s a holdover from those days of rejection,” according to Jenna. “I just assume people don’t want to be with me, and the only way I know if they really do is if they seek me out.”
Because of this, Jenna tends to “hang back,” making her come across as “aloof,” she continued.
“It’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life.”
Making Friends With the Other RHONY Housewives
On her struggles with making friends, Jenna said that being on RHONY "has amplified that 100 percent.”
Jenna joins Jessel Taank, Erin Lichy, Brynn Whitfield, Ubah Hassan, and Sai De Silva for the Season 14 reboot of RHONY and previously discussed feeling a little out of place at Erin’s Hamptons sleepover, as seen on the July 23, 2023, Episode.
“I’m nervous that I’ll be awkward, I’m not gonna fit in, I’m nervous I’ll say something stupid, I’m nervous I’ll need alone time, and everyone will be like, ‘What the hell? Why?’” Jenna told RHONY producers. “But I’m here. And I’m excited… cautiously excited.”
Jenna “sneaking out” of the women’s sleepover fun for her own Hamptons home initially rubbed some the wrong way. But it might have been an indicator of how she felt in the social setting.
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Jenna told the others she needed to sleep for a 6:30 a.m. work call the following day while the others partied into the night. Jessel, however, alleged Jenna left because her Hamptons residence was “by the ocean” and Erin’s Sag Harbor home was not.
Many took to social media to defend Jenna’s quiet escape, but IRL, Jenna ultimately apologized to Erin, and all was forgiven. Later, Brynn called this “a double standard,” citing her past beef with Erin when she and Sai ditched Erin's dinner plans.
“Jenna has been opening up, but we all just have to accept that she’s a different person,” Erin told RHONY producers. “She doesn’t know how to just be free and open and talk about life. We need to give her time and — clearly — the space to let us in.”
Of course, we have yet to see how Jenna will continue to fare with the other Housewives, but here’s hoping for some ongoing sisterhood with her Bravo housewifery.
Watch The Real Housewives of New York City Sundays at 9/8c on Bravo and the following day on Peacock.
