What started off as accidental insemination ended up as happily ever after. Of course, we witnessed lots of drama in-between, but that’s what you would expect from a telenovela. Let the record show that drama takes a back seat to wackiness and multiple shots of Jane Villanueva crying when the term “series finale” is attached to the episode.
We begin with the most heart-wrenching message of the hour. Jane’s parents break the news that they are planning to move to New York. Jane tries to hold back the tears, but when Xo informs her daughter that they are leaving three days after the wedding, both break down in a puddle of sorrow.
We fast forward three and a half weeks later to find Jane flipping through the pages of her manuscript. The edits are finally finished and she is 98 percent happy. Rafael reports for wedding planning duty and lists off all the details he has taken care of while Jane worked.
Everything has fallen into place. He’s even written his vows. Jane has not, but she writes for a living. This should be a piece of cake for her. The final thing they need to do is practice their sultry first dance as man and wife. Cue the music!
Later, we find Petra barking at Kirshna for choosing place cards with a heart. This is a rehearsal dinner, not a third-grade party. Rafael senses Petra’s nerves (you think?) and gives her the freedom to invite anyone she may want (read: JR) to the rehearsal dinner as her plus one. She reminds Rafael that the Marbella is her lady.
Meanwhile, Luisa visits Jane with some news. The exciting bit is that she tracked down Rafael’s parents. The unfortunate part is that they were in a car accident and both died. She has a folder full of information proving they were regular folks. Luisa thinks Jane should tell him. Although she knows Luisa is right, disappointing Rafael days before their wedding is the last thing she wants to do.
Xo feels the same way about Jane. As her daughter prepares for a new life, Xo does the same by packing her entire world into cardboard boxes. It’s clear that Xo is struggling with this decision, but things get worse when she finds Mateo UN-packing her boxes. He does not want her to leave and whines about how she could stay if she wanted to.
Jane takes a rattled Mateo home to find Rafael and the twins in bed together. Family sleepover! When all the children miraculously fall asleep at the same time in a queen bed, Jane passes a folder to Rafael. She gently explains that his parents have died. Rafael chooses to focus on what he does have, glancing at the people crammed into his bed, and thanks his lucky stars for his beautiful family.
The next day, Alba loses control at the rehearsal. The kids run around like banshees and Rogelio’s mother insists on drawing attention to herself. Her least selfish moment is when she teaches Mateo how to properly project his voice. She wants to make sure the guests in the cheap seats hear the reading he will be reciting with the twins.
Jane’s phone cuts through the chaos and everyone rejoices when she tells them that the publisher sent out advanced copies of her book to authors. Guess who might write an endorsement for the back cover? Isabel Allende! Jane’s favorite author!
Cheers all-around at the rehearsal dinner! Lina is pregnant and thinks of Jane as a favorite sister. Jane’s lip trembles. Xo is a blubbering mess, which makes Jane a blubbering mess. Rafael is dumbfounded when Rogelio suggests he start calling him dad from now on. (It’s a hard pass for Rafael.)
Petra treats the rehearsal dinner like an open mic night at the comedy club. There’s just one problem: she’s the opposite of funny. She breaks down and then they all start crying. When Jane stands up to address her family and friends through glassy eyes, Luisa interrupts. She has something very important to say. And that message is YOU’RE WELCOME. Without her, none of this would have happened.
Jane gets a far off look in her eyes. Rafael recognizes it as “her writing face” and encourages her to sneak away to get it all out. He assumes she’s finally writing her vows since the big day is here. What he learns is that she has a new ending for her book, which makes her 100-percent satisfied with her manuscript. Rafael is hurt that she would put work before the wedding. He tries to play it off, but Jane sees right through it.
You know who doesn’t see right through anything? Rogelio. Xo finally tells him that she’s not been happy about her decision to move with him to New York and has decided that commuting for a year would be best. Knowing this will make Xo happy, Rogelio concedes. Newsflash: This does not make Rogelio happy.
Across town, Jane finds Rafael in the bedroom. She apologizes for earlier and assures her fiancé that she has finished her vows. Rafael admits he overreacted and they both agree that their love for each other can get them through anything. CUE THE TEARS.
Jane leaves her house for Alba’s when she receives an urgent text. Xo has changed her mind about moving and it’s up to Jane and Alba to talk some sense into her. Alba calls it what it is: FEAR. Xo bawls her eyes out. She has lived with her mother and daughter her whole life. New York is foreign and scary.
Alba cuts deep and just like the old person in a Nicholas Sparks movie, she gives some great advice. She reminds Xo that if she could come to this country and start over with nothing, Xo can do that in New York. Do not let fear get in the way of life. Then we get to witness an “Alba’s house” montage. I guess it’s time for me to jump on the bandwagon and start crying, too.
There’s so much love and joy in that house! Let’s all hold hands and weep as the Villanueva women sit on the stationary porch swing and watch the sunrise. TEARS.
You gotta love the bonding, right? It’s too bad Rafael is still unwilling to label Rogelio as dad, even though he gifts Rafael with a Mexican wedding lasso that once belonged to his father. Fortunately, Rogelio’s spirits were lifted when his social media blows up. The This Is Mars pilot dropped and America is in love with Rogelio. Dreams do come true, kids!
Finally, it’s the wedding day! Rafael calls Jane to make sure the hair and makeup team have arrived. When he asks if the editor liked her new ending of the manuscript, Jane divulges that she didn’t get the updated document to the printer on time. Everyone will be reading the previous version and that’s okay because she’s getting married today!
It’s not okay with Rafael. He grabs Jane’s flash drive and hauls his cute butt to the printer. Thirty minutes later, he and the employee embrace in camaraderie for a job well done. He rushes back to his car and is stopped by the barrier that inhibits vehicles from coming in or going out without a ticket.
Of course, the arm is broken, so Rafael slams his car right through it. And of course, a cop pulls him over and arrests him. He calls Jane, who is more than happy to pick up her beau from the police station. What a romantic gesture!
Her Uber driver can’t get to her thanks to a pesky marathon, so Jane hops a bus. She offers the driver $5,000 and each person on the bus $200 to skip their stops in lieu of going directly to the police station. Thank you book advance! And thank you kind people of Miami.
Jane picks up Rafael and then crosses town to pick up the rest of her family. She will get them to the church on time even if she has to change clothes in the back of the bus. Just make sure you apply eyeliner during stops. Rogelio gives Rafael a pep talk (still no father figure moniker) as Petra entertains the waiting guests with her horrific comedy routine.
Things brighten when the wedding guests witness Petra rush down the middle aisle shouting, “She’s here.” All turn their heads, expecting to see the bride. Instead, they find JR in a respectable pants suit. Life is too short to live it with regret. These two crazy kids are officially an item.
The bus finally pulls up. Alba and Rafael head straight to the altar, followed by Xo, Rogelio, and Jane. Alba welcomes friends and family and we get to see all of our young Janes throughout the series walk toward the love of her life. TEARS.
Then the twins and Mateo recite the cutest lines out of a children’s storybook. Mateo properly projects and smiles a snaggletooth smile to his great-grandmother. That’s the day he learned to properly project his voice. A voice that is perfect for voiceover work.
Then we learn that Mateo is our narrator. COME ON. I love it.
Xo and Rogelio place the Mexican wedding lasso around Rafael and Jane. Rafael finally feels squishy on the inside. He looks at Rogelio and whispers, “Thank you, dad.” Then he looks at Xo and asks with his eyes if he should call her mom. The answer is, “No, thank you.”
It’s time for the vows and neither Jane nor Rafael can get through what they wrote without choking up and crying snotty tears all over the place. They read them silently, exchange rings, and Alba pronounces them man and wife.
After pictures, we find Jane and Rafael sitting on the grass. I quickly get over the reality that she will have grass stains on her beautiful dress and instead focus on what is being said. This is the moment we’ve been waiting for. Rafael asks what happens at the end of Jane’s book?
Jane: “They make it into a telenovela.”
Rafael: “Who would want to watch that?”
Gina Rodriguez stares straight into the camera and gives a good-bye wink to the fans who have been rooting for Jane for the last five years. Although her wedding is our ending, the story is just beginning for Jane the Wife.