Jane the Virgin recap: 'Chapter 66'
Like it or not, we all have different personality traits, labels, or idiosyncrasies we’re identified by in any given situation. Case in point: Jane was a virgin for several seasons. But now, according to the ever-evolving opening title slide, Jane is a roommate, thanks to Rafael’s sudden need for a place to lay his freshly cut hair after being kicked out of the Marbella by his evil sister Luisa.
Normally this new living arrangement wouldn’t bother Jane, but her baby daddy’s own label transition from Zen Rafael to Jack Wagon Rafael is infuriating. Especially since Luisa froze all of Rafael’s funds, which made Mateo’s tuition check bounce. Not only that, but Alba is standing firm in the Team Rafael camp, referring to their relationship as “friends with benefits.” After all, Alba trades a roof over Rafael’s head for fitness tips. Plus, she’s doing his laundry. What is Jane supposed to do?
Blow off some steam with her hot new boyfriend, that’s what. Mom Jane turns into Fun Jane the minute she walks into Adam’s loft. She schools all of his friends in beer pong, endearing herself to everyone in the room. Adam enjoys both her Bruce Wayne and Batman personalities, excited that he gets to be her Alfred. I would have gone with Wonder Woman and Diana Prince, but I guess a millionaire dark vigilante is just as thrilling.
While Jane dabbles in the joy of frat boy games, Rafael and Petra swing in the opposite direction. Both have adopted a “mature relationship voice” that employs all of the touchy-feely words one might learn in couples counseling. Each try to gently persuade the other of their plans to secure private investors so they don’t have to sell their shares of the Marbella to Luisa. Petra wants to ask her ex-boyfriend Chuck. Rafael wants to approach rich, single, hotel maven Katherine Cortes. Both “hear what you are saying” and neither “feel comfortable” with the idea and would prefer a “joint resolution that promotes compromise.” I agree with Jane. Mature Relationship Petra and Rafael are B-O-R-I-N-G.
Rafael chooses to not dip into his newfound relationship tone with Jane. Instead they fight over text message (we know because they use all caps) in the same room while putting Mateo to bed. After a terrible experience at the local public school, Jane asks Rafael if he will consider sending Mateo to a local Catholic school. It will cost them, but the tuition is significantly less than private school. Rafael refuses because he’s convinced he will get the Marbella back and this entire conversation will be moot.
Once again, Jane’s frustrations take her straight to Adam. She wants to take their relationship to the next level, but her slinky peach “come hither” dress is wasted on Career Adam’s news: He’s just been offered a dream job in Los Angeles. Jane feigns happiness, wishing him all the luck in the world. Her eyes pop when he says, “If you want me to stay, I will. In a heartbeat.”
I see you, writers. You are trying to make me love Adam as much as I loved Michael. I think you should know that I’m going to need a little more time before I throw my hat into his ring.
Adam has been given 72 hours to decide. Which means that Jane has 72 hours minus a few minutes to see if he fits into her and Mateo’s life. How will this ever work? Darci has a solution. Jane should fill out one of her compatibility quizzes where an algorithm tells you if someone is your soulmate.
Do those work? Also, why is Darci in the room giving Jane advice? Great question. Darci lives with Xo and Rogelio. It would appear that she did not go into labor last week, due to a complication resulting in bed rest and Darci lounging on Xo’s couch. Fun times for everyone! #sarcasm
Rogelio is slowly going mad now that he has to put up with Darci every day. Work isn’t better. Remember Fabian? The younger, ab-tastic version of Rogelio? Well the relationship reaches a breaking point when Fabian has the audacity to roll in a cake sporting a nude photo of himself with a cat strategically placed in front of his nether regions. A) How dare you? B) That pose is soooo 2014. (See Rogelio’s Twitter account from three years ago.) Rogelio declares that he will never shoot another scene with Fabian again. The writers agree. That’s why they are going to kill one of them off. A focus group of women will decide their fates.
I know! Just like a telenovela! (Recap continues on page 2)
After Jane visits Rogelio on set, and he agrees to front her the money for Mateo to go to Catholic school, Jane asks Alba to use her new BFF label with Rafael to convince him the Catholic school is the best plan. Then Jane heads over to Adam’s place to have a mature conversation about their future. When Adam suggests they play a rousing game of roof ball (read: throwing a ball into trash cans on the roof), Fun Jane comes out to play.
One thing leads to another and Bruce Wayne and Alfred start making out on an inflatable swan. Before you can ask yourself, “Why do they only have inflatable items and trans cans on the roof?” the air-filled water fowl pops, and Adam suggests they take things to the bedroom. Whoopsie. The roof door is locked and the only way down is jumping to the street. Adam swings over the edge and lands like a ninja. Jane does not wait for him to walk back up the stairs and let her in. Fun Jane hops off the roof and quickly becomes Invalid Jane after breaking her leg from the landing. She wakes up in Adam’s apartment after being drugged out from her medicine and is horrified to learn that Mateo’s spot was given to another child when she didn’t arrive at her appointment that morning.
Jane leaves Adam’s house to go to the studio to pick up Mateo. Rogelio listens as the support group praises Fabian. That’s when Jane notices that the ringleader is none other than Fabian’s grandmother! Rogelio does not stand for this blatant cheating, so he dresses up as a woman and enters the focus group to sing his own praises. And it works! Rogelio convinces them that a rock-hard physique can’t be the only thing someone brings to the table. There has to be emotion behind all the actions. All the women swoon and Rogelio lands the gig. Fabian will be eaten by a scientist in the coming weeks.
I know! Just like a telenovela!
After deciding that Katherine is the best choice for a silent partner, Petra and Rogelio weigh their options. Although Petra can certainly handle Chuck, there is a romantic history there. Rogelio makes it very clear that he would never sleep with Katherine to get what he wants, yet Petra has done it numerous times. From the look on Petra’s face, a major line has been crossed. That was uncalled for.
Speaking of low blows, Jane is furious to learn that Rafael wants to submit Xo and Rogelio’s address so Mateo can go to a school on their side of town. She berates him for growing up with a silver spoon in his mouth, assuming rules don’t apply to him. Why does this not surprise her? He lies about everything! Rafael refutes her idea that he is entitled. Especially since the fake address was Alba’s idea.
Jane confronts Alba about the lie. Alba explains that she did the same for Jane a long time ago. Jane not receiving the best education was not an option. So she gave a friend’s address. She reminds Jane that she has lived a very different life these past few years. You don’t worry about things as much when you have money. If she had access to Rafael’s funds, she would be that same person with a silver spoon in her mouth. Jane softens and apologizes to Rafael for being so hard on him. She tells Rafael that giving the school her parents’ address is the only option that makes sense. Something tells me this isn’t going to end well.
As Jane comes clean, so do Xo and Rogelio. Xo blows up at Darci, eager for her to accept the fact that even though their situation isn’t ideal, they are all a family. Rogelio wants to be a part of the baby’s life. Darci understands, but she wants a life of her own. She wants someone to love her, too.
Once Darci is cleared from bedrest, Xo takes her to the studio so Rogelio can show her the nursery he created. Darci loves it (is that a smirk I see?) and promises to do the best she can co-parenting this baby. She walks off with a chip no longer on her shoulder. Rogelio walks to the next door and shows Xo the room he created for her. Who doesn’t need a relaxation room to decompress! It seems he learned a lot in that women’s focus group, but nothing could have prepared him to see Darci flirting with his arch nemesis Esteban Santiago who is taking Fabian’s place.
Of course. We have to have an arch nemesis, right?
What I did see coming is Jane insisting that Adam take the job in Los Angeles. She points out that the comic book he made her — the one where they are happy and frolicking together in Miami for the rest of their lives — is not realistic. There is no puke, or lice checks, or falling asleep early. Plus, this relationship cost Mateo a spot in a very good school.
Adam bristles. Had he known she was expected at an appointment, he would have taken her! He would have set an alarm! Jane can’t say she doesn’t know about the future without letting him be a part of her present to see if a future is even possible. Because it is! They volley back and forth until Jane shouts, “OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO STAY!” Then Adam smiles and makes Jane work for a celebratory kiss.
Okay, that emotional outburst plus the comic book equal major romantic points in the Team Adam category. “I STILL LOVE YOU MICHAEL,” the recapper shouted in all caps.
Things aren’t going so well over at the Marbella. After hearing that Katherine is attracted to Rafael, Petra decides that neither Chuck nor Katherine are the right investors. Rafael presses again, saying he won’t sleep with Katherine, but Petra wisely points out that he will always assume she is the type of person who will. She wants a fresh start in the romance department. Rafael kicks her out and saunters straight into the indecent-proposing arms of Katherine.
Petra walks out into the hallway, running into Anezka, who looks incredibly happy. Why? Because their mother Magda is back, with her hook arm and eye patch, cradling the twins. And according to our favorite narrator, someone is going to die!
Which character will be marked with a death label? Magda, Alba, Petra, Anezka, Rafael, or Luisa? My bet is on Luisa, but in true telenovela form, she’ll return with a different face at the end of the season.
