Jana Kramer Fears She's 'Going to Resent' Estranged Husband Mike Caussin for the 'Rest of My Life'
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Jana Kramer is going through the "anger" phase of grief.
On Monday's episode of her podcast Whine Down, the country singer and actress, 37, opened up about the feelings of pain and grief she's experiencing weeks after filing for divorce from Mike Caussin, 34.
Kramer started the show by thanking the show's fans for their well wishes.
"It was really comforting to see the messages because even people who weren't going through the same exact situation were able to relate in different ways and with their own pain and grief," she said.
"It's been a rough week again. I'm just waiting for when they say it gets better but in the meantime, it's definitely been hard," she added. "The hardest part is when you imagine something and you work for something and the rug gets pulled from underneath you. You're just kind of left there on the floor spinning. Divorce sucks."
Kramer recalled going to her lawyers' office and seeing them laughing, something she could not find herself doing during the divorce's painful process.
"I'm one case out of 5,000. This is hard. This is emotional. I'm not laughing about this. It sucks," she said. "It's a really awful feeling. I didn't want this. That's where I keep going to and now I'm trying to get out of that mainframe. That's where I'm at now."
Rich Fury/Getty Jana Kramer and Mike Caussin in March 2019
"There is no going back," she iterated. "This is my life. This is my kids. This is my money. My livelihood."
Kramer said she knows "she made the right decision" in filing for divorce from Caussin after he was again unfaithful, according to a source.
"Right now I have a lot of resentment with how things are going. I think it's just making me angry," she said.
Kramer shared that Caussin had asked her if he could come over to do birdhouses with her and their children Jace, 2, and Jolie, 5.
"I went out there and then I was struck with this emotion," she said. "I was like, 'This isn't real. I'm not ready to do this yet.' I'm still mad. I'd love to do that but don't think I'm ready."
Amy Sussman/E! Entertainment/NBCU Photo Bank Jana Kramer
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"I fear I'm going to resent him for the rest of my life for breaking up my family, and that seems so heavy to carry," Kramer said, before guest Cherie Healey explained that it will be "impossible" to carry that resent for the rest of her life.
"I think I imagined this healthy change that I was promised. I was dreaming that it was always something that it wasn't," she added. "I don't even know if that image was real, but it was real in my dreams. That's what I'm losing: that idea that I dreamt and fought for."
The new podcast episode comes as Kramer celebrated Mother's Day with her two kids.
"The last month I kept saying 'why,' wrote Kramer. "Well now I know the why. It was so I could be a mommy to these two incredible babies. Being chosen as your mom will always be the greatest chapters of my life. Happy Mother's Day to all the mommas out there however that looks."
