Jamie Otis Honors Late 'Precious Angel Baby' Johnathan on National Rainbow Baby Day
Jamie Otis/Instagram
Jamie Otis is opening up about fertility and motherhood on National Rainbow Baby Day.
Otis, 35, shared an emotional Instagram post Monday to mark the national holiday, speaking about miscarriage and her children. The Married at First Sight star shares daughter Henley Grace, 4, and son Hendrix Douglas, 15 months, with husband Doug Hehner. Otis touched on the "many pregnancy losses" she had suffered, including the loss of their son Jonathan at 17 weeks in 2016.
"I've never wished for my children to stop growing up or to stay little forever. I thank God every.single.day that they have been able to grow big & strong because their older brother, Johnathan, wasn't able to.👼🏼💙," Otis began her caption, posting throwback photos from her rainbow pregnancies.
RELATED: Jamie Otis Celebrates Having 'Viable Pregnancy' at Five Weeks Along After Previous Miscarriages
Jamie Otis/Instagram
On the heartbreaking loss of Jonathan, she continued, "I'll always wish there had been *something* I could have done to protect Johnathan & keep him safe so he could be here with us.🤰🏼," adding, "I've never experienced a sharper pain than birthing my sweet baby boy and then saying goodbye to him just minutes later.😢"
Commenting on her daughter's National Rainbow Day birthday, the reality star added that she doesn't think "it's a coincidence our Gracie girl was born on the same day that honors angel babies in heaven while simultaneously celebrating rainbow babies on earth⛅️🌈."
Otis told followers she believes she'll meet Johnathan again one day, and knows that he's "looking down watching over his little sister & baby brother making sure they're safe, healthy, and strong."
Jamie Otis/Instagram
RELATED: Meet Jamie Otis and Doug Hehner's Son Hendrix Douglas: 'Beyond Thankful I Was Able to Have Him'
Otis spoke about losing her "precious angel baby" on what would have been his 5th birthday last month, telling Instagram fans she initially blamed herself for the pregnancy loss. In Monday's post, the mom said she "didn't want to let him go" after delivery.
"If they would've let me walk out of that hospital with him I would have," she wrote. "All I could think about for so long after I had to say Goodbye to him was everything that he could've been, everything that he will never get the chance to grow up to be...😔"
"Johnathan, you will forever be my baby boy and I will never, ever stop honoring you or talking about you to anyone who will listen.❤️," Otis added.
RELATED: Jamie Otis Says It's 'Hard' to Watch Friends Have Healthy Pregnancies After Her Miscarriage
Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images Jamie Otis
The Bachelor alum met Hehner, 37, on MAFS in 2014, and got married within minutes of meeting each other for the first time on the reality TV show. Speaking with PEOPLE in honor of their fifth anniversary in 2019, the couple said they didn't care about being teased about their unconventional meet-cute.
"I don't want to sound corny, but we owe our lives to this TV show and the experts that stuck with us," Hehner said. "It was life-changing for us."
While their marriage has had its ups and downs, Otis said she and her husband look forward to expanding their family in the future.
"We've kinda put trying for our next baby on the back burner while we focus on strengthening our marriage," she wrote on Instagram Friday. "My biggest fear with this is that I'm 35 and obviously the time is ticking away.⏰"
"I just know in my heart I am supposed to have more children. I genuinely don't feel like our family is complete yet," she added. "It's hard to explain, but I have this really strong feeling that I'm meant to have more children living on earth & being part of this little family we've created.🙏🙏🙏"
