Ireland Baldwin is putting her heart on her sleeve. The 19-year-old model, who checked into rehab for “emotional trauma” in April, took to Instagram Wednesday to open up about her struggle with anxiety and her determination to move past it.
“There are so many moments I have taken for granted in this life due to my lack of presence. I have overlooked countless blessings and opportunities to start fresh, and I have neglected, manipulated, and lied to the people I hold dear to my heart, but more importantly, to myself,” she confessed. “It hasn’t been until recent months that I relearned what it truly means and what it feels like to be fully present. For the longest time, I lost compassion towards almost everything I previously cared for and I was so lost in darkness, that I could hardly hold a real conversation with another human being long enough before I was due to have an anxiety attack and find my way out of it.”
Her message came alongside a snapshot of (what appears to be) her legs in front of a stunning beachfront sunset.
“Tonight, I found myself pausing, multiple times, to look to my right and left and I continuously asked myself… How the hell did I get lucky enough to end up here? Why me? Why the past couple of months have I had the chance to meet the most phenomenal souls? Why are all these people giving me a chance to begin again? After all my wrongdoings and heartbreaks and trauma and absence of self, how am I here today?” she wrote.
Ireland may be basking in the glow of forgiveness, but to be fair, she has clearly forgiven others who have wronged her as well. Just last week, she posted a shot that seemed to publicly make peace with her father for his infamous “thoughtless pig” voicemail he left on her phone when she was 11.
Her message Wednesday, however, was focused on her own self-improvement and the gratitude she feels for being given a fresh start.
“I just wanted to take a moment to show gratitude to everyone who has continued to stand by my side through all that took place and through all that life will continue to throw at me,” she said.
The leggy star continued on with a pledge: “I’m proud to say I will not be knocked down and alone next time around. I have never been so supported and felt so loved in my life. I’m happy to say I feel like Ireland again and it’s amazing that I can actually say that because it’s been a really long time and I was starting to forget what she was like.
"I love my friends, I love this beautiful planet, and I love new beginnings. and I love you all for making me feel beautiful and supported every single day!”