The image of her polar plunge is frozen in my mind | Sam Venable
Oh, the shame! Oh, the comeuppance!
If my dear mother were alive, she’d shake a finger in my face and say, “See?! This is what happens to smart-alecky boys who poke fun at old people. They grow old themselves and wind up getting a dose of their own medicine. Ha! How does it feel now?”
Shivering and guilty, that’s how it feels.
Recently, I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that — unless bundled like Nanook of the North — I’m chilly from late October until late April.
Even in the heat of summer, I sometimes find myself griping that the AC is set too low. Last year at the beach, for instance. I finally drove to town and bought a pair of sweatpants. That’s the only way I could avoid freezing my buns off because the kids and grandkids insisted on turning our rental house into a meat locker.
I just heard my mother again. She was convulsing in laughter: “Ha! I remember when you … ”
Rub it in, Maw.
To understand how humiliating this is, consider that I used to be Arctic Man. Deer hunting, duck hunting, winter fishing, whatever the outdoor activity, pfft! Snow, wind, sleet, bring ’em on. Pair of long-handles and a coat and I was good to go, pre-dawn to dark-thirty.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
One afternoon (14 degrees, 20 mph wind) during the recent Ice Age, I was pumping gas into my truck. Even mummified in heavy clothes, I was quaking like Barney Fife.
About that time, a guy drove into the next bay, calmly stepped out, and began fueling his car, while wearing shorts! I swear on my favorite coffee thermos. If my lips hadn’t been frozen shut, I would have called him an ugly name.
But the coup de grace was delivered when Mary Ann and I watched a video featuring our friend Tara McIlwrath. She lives across the road from our old place.
Tara is the epitome of fitness: a running, hiking, mountain bike riding, weight-lifting, cross-country coaching mother of four. She delights in pushing herself to the max, mind over matter, always game for the next challenge.
As the video opens, Tara is standing outside. She is wearing a two-piece swimsuit and tennis shoes. She announces the date (Jan. 17) and temperature (10 above.)
Then, as her husband, Tim, films, she marches through ankle-deep snow to the large pond in their backyard, lowers herself down the dock ladder, stomps a hole in the ice, immerses to the neck, treads water for 30 seconds, then calmly climbs back out.
She’s done it nearly every day since, once staying immersed for a full minute. A little jolting at first, she says, but ultimately quite refreshing.I need smelling salts. After they’ve been warmed in the microwave, of course.
Sam Venable’s column appears every Sunday. Contact him at sam.venable@outlook.com.
This article originally appeared on Knoxville News Sentinel: The image of her polar plunge is frozen in my mind | Sam Venable
