If You Don’t Follow Kim Kardashian’s Coachella Guide, You May as Well Literally Fall Down a Well

The Queen of Coachella, Vanessa Hudgens. (Photo: Splash News)

You’re getting ready to head out to Indio, Calif., for Coachella, America’s foremost gathering of rich kids who think having money is just such a burden. You’ve packed an appropriative headdress and all the molly on God’s green earth; so you’re set, right?

Wrong-o, buddy.

We’re thankful that Kim Kardashian is here to save the day. Follow her advice to a T if you want to make it out of the Colorado Desert alive.

So what are you going to need?

First of all, Kardashian recommends $112 worth of personal hygiene products, including hand sanitizer, blotting linens, deodorant, eye drops, sanitizing wipes, and dry shampoo. That’s probably more than you’ll spend on the peasant blouse you said was from “some thrift store” but is actually off the rack at Free People.

The noted tech mogul also recommends you pack a whole slew of gadgets, including an Apple watch, a real camera, and an iPhone case that extends battery life. What you’ll need the extra batteru for is unclear, since you’re lugging a whole camera from tent to tent.

So you won’t get grass (or sand?) stains all over your palazzo pants, Kim recommends you bring a $78 towel into the desert, surely to be left in the back of an Uber. A sound investment indeed.

And then there is the concern of getting yourself to the place where you can actually enjoy yourself while surrounded by a thousand conversations about tech disruption and summers in Provence. Kim suggests a key chain flask, which is hilarious because you’re going to need about 20 to really do the trick. And while everyone is all about vaping, Kim suggests you keep it analogue: Pack a bat to get yourself really feeling those Ultra Light Beams.

And if you really want to get in the spirit, follow Coachella Spirit Guide Vanessa Hudgens’s lead and get yourself a $190 manicure.

Hudgens goes all out for Coachella. (Photo: Instagram)

You could also get a Spotify subscription for $9.99 a month.