The Hills Recap: Where There's Smoke...

Andy Swift

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While Brody stayed back to brave the Malibu fires on Monday’s episode of The Hills: New Beginnings, his friends escaped to Vegas to fan some flames of their own. (To Stephanie’s credit, she began the trip by initiating a champagne toast “to the fires being put out and not spreading anymore.” So, you know, she did her part.)

Already off to a disappointing start, the Vegas trip — which was supposed to be drama-free! — took a full-on nosedive when Frankie informed Stephanie that Joey accused her of hooking up with Justin Bobby. (This game of telephone is already exhausting.) With little evidence but plenty of moxie, Sherlock Pratt deduced that Joey was simply doing Audrina’s dirty work.

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Stephanie eventually confronted Audrina over dinner, but not before belittling the victims of the Malibu fires. “Is this what tonight’s going to be about? Fires?” she asked, repulsed by the very idea of someone expressing a human emotion such as guilt. “We’re beating a dead horse. There’s nothing we can do about it.” (So much for that toast she gave earlier.)

Following a respectful and thoughtful debate, the ladies exchanged their closing arguments: “Joey’s a bitch,” Stephanie concluded, to which Audrina added, “You’re kind of a bitch, too.” (Did they just agree on something? Is this… progress?) Sadly, nothing was officially solved at dinner because Justin Bobby — who loves being at the center of all this drama, despite repeatedly insisting otherwise — refused to confirm or deny anything. He even tried to use the Malibu fires as a reason not to discuss this “juvenile” situation, which made negative sense.

With Brody and Kaitlynn totally still on their minds, everybody hit the club to dance away their problems. It was actually starting to feel like the group might finally be getting along… until Justin Bobby decided to leave with Stephanie. Because he hates all this drama.

Also worth discussing…

* Spencer gave this official (?) update on Pratt Daddy Crystals’ financial standings: “Since the event, our sales have gone past where they were. I can see in my crystal ball that we’re going up, up, up into the multiverse, out of this dimension. A new realm. Oh my God, so much money!” Did any of that make sense? I’m starting to think Spencer just skimmed The Art of the Deal one night and decided to give the business world a shot. (And if Spencer’s report is to be believed, who is buying all these crystals?!)

* Was anyone else surprised that Heidi had to introduce herself to Dr. Drew Pinsky? How in the name of Us Weekly have these two never crossed paths until a charity event in the Year of Our Lord 2019?

* I actually think it’s cute that Brandon brought a Baywatch jacket to set for good luck. “Brandon’s mom” must be very proud of him.

* Has anyone seen Whitney? I’m ready to put that woman’s face on a milk carton at this point.

OK, enough from me. What did you think of this week’s Hills? Just like Stephanie and Audrina, let’s have a respectful, thoughtful discussion of tonight’s events in the comments section below.

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