What the heck is happening to Kristaps Porzingis in this Latvian commercial?

Today in weird NBA news that has absolutely nothing to do with free agency, New York Knicks forward Kristaps Porzingis made an appearance in a Latvian commercial, and … well, you’re just going to have to watch for yourself:

Uh, yeah, a lot going on here. And no real explanations for any of it. The final on-screen text Google Translates to “Yup? Yup! You like!” Um … OK?

The commercial actually isn’t brand new. It appears to have debuted in June. But credit to SB Nation for discovering it Thursday. This masterpiece deserves an international audience.

Let’s break it down frame by frame to see if we can decipher any hidden messages.

First, we have the scene-setter: A hand swirling through the sky, in between clouds, with an infinitely long arm attached to it:

Then we have that same arm and hand emulating dolphins:

Then the hand is stroking a car …

And then a dog …

And some shoes …

Confused? Yeah, so are we.

But it gets weirder.

Now the hand is rising out of what appears to be a glass of honey:

Now it’s making a twirling motion, causing that honey to fly all over the place — and, by the way, we’re only 14 seconds in to the 30-second ad:

Then the hand does … something. It’s unclear exactly what:

And finally … KRISTAPS.

Porzingis gets a solid five seconds of air time. First, as the hand snakes its way onto the screen behind him, we get every single one of his glorious seven feet and two inches:

The hand then climbs up his shirt and strokes his hair in a possibly slightly sexual manner while Kristaps remains stoic and emotionless — though he does seem to be a bit perplexed:

[End scene.]

Buy our credit card!

(Or something like that.)

More from Yahoo Sports:
• Rangers star left utterly baffled by unusual pitch
• Cavs owner reportedly lowballed Chauncey Billups
• Ex-NFL coach still holding on to 15-year-old grudge
• American tennis star suffers severe injury at Wimbledon