The Hangover Foods That Esquire Editors Swear By
Hangovers! Many of us have had 'em. None of us love 'em. They tend to get rougher with each trip around the sun, and testing our ability to still hang can become a dangerous game of chance. In the interest of serving you, the reader, the staff of Esquire.com shared their go-to hangover cures-food, drink, and everything else-for when the previous night out overstays its welcome.
A damp cloth, Motrin, and a joint
I always wanted to subscribe to Anthony Bourdain’s go-to method, because it is of course Very Cool, but my body and susceptibility to migraines could never quite handle the combo of Coke and spicy Szechuan. Here's my alternative: Make the room as dark as possible, drink enough water to swallow three-to-four Motrin, take two hits of a joint, and lie under the covers with a cold, damp cloth directly on your forehead. The joint puts you to sleep, the medicine relieves your pain, and the cold cloth calms your nerves and soothes your soul. Also, if you’ve got to vomit, then vomit. There’s no sense holding that in. -Ben Boskovich, managing editor
Pickle juice straight from the jar
I don't know where I heard about pickle juice being a good hangover cure, but I'd like to believe that I came up with it on my own because I randomly grabbed a jar of pickles in a drunken stupor and started chugging. I love pickles and would probably drink the juice regardless, but there's actual science behind my method: The salts in pickle juice help replenish your body's electrolytes the same way Gatorade does, but without the added sugar. Plus, the vinegar has natural antioxidants and potassium that come in handy after a night of drinking, which will help with stomach issues, dizziness, and cramps. Most importantly, pickles fucking rule. -Matt Miller, associate culture editor
An everything bagel with everything on it
I drag my weary bones to the café next door for an everything bagel with cream cheese, red onions, capers, and tomato. It reeks like hell and makes my gut twist just looking at it, but after that first bite, I can't stop chowing down. Then, with something in my stomach, I drink water, black coffee, more water, and do a few hits of a CBD pen, which I'm fairly certain is totally ineffective, but still makes me feel like I'm taking action. -Sarah Rense, associate lifestyle editor
Hit the ground running
My go-to cure starts before the hangover happens: Advil and two giant glasses of water before bed. But if I happen to forget, there's no choice but to take it head on. Once I'm not feeling too nauseous, I try to go on a run-I'm pretty sure it's only for a specific kind of headache, but getting your blood moving can help alleviate the pain. -Justin Kirkland, staff writer
Sunglasses, Advil, and a B.E.C.
When I arrive home from whatever cursed gathering I just attended, the key is to drink as much water as I can physically manage-like, borderline nausea status-and down a slice of pizza to give my system a bit of a foundation. (All of this is science, by the way.) In the morning, it's sunglasses, Advil, and something greasy, like a bacon-egg-and-cheese. If that doesn’t work, some Coca-Cola in a glass bottle with actual sugarcane. If that doesn’t work, just a light touch of the vaporized jazz grass to take the edge off. If that doesn’t work, it’s all over, folks. Best to make funeral arrangements. -Jack Holmes, politics editor
Naproxen sodium (a.k.a. Aleve)
In college when I was a very bad and irresponsible drinker, my friend told me the only way to prevent a hangover was to drink water until you felt uncomfortable and like you couldn’t drink any more water or you’d puke. So I do that, and if I have a headache the next day, I take lot of naproxen sodium. -Joanna Rothkopf, deputy editor
Coffee and some nice, dry toast
I guess I’m one of the lucky ones when it comes to hangovers-I don’t get them! As far as managing the hangovers of friends and roommates, a cup of coffee and dry toast usually seems to be appreciated. -Gabrielle Bruney, weekend editor
Breakfast overload
There’s a 24-hour spot near my apartment called Kellogg’s Diner, and nothing is more comforting in the thrall of Big Hangover than a greasy breakfast spread-eggs, toast, pancakes, orange juice, black coffee-made by someone else and delivered to your door. Take my money and let the healing begin. -Nate Erickson, senior lifestyle editor
The holistic approach
Big glass of water. Hot shower. Bacon-egg-and-cheese. Iced coffee. Vitamin C. 2 Advils. Weed pen. In no particular order. -Mike Kim, designer
Fatty food and Diet Coke
If you don’t know that there are a very wide and well-defined variety of hangovers, well, you are light-years ahead of me in getting your life together. Some require movies; some require utter silence. Some require extended stays in bed; some, the cool tiles of the bathroom floor. But for the sake of brevity, let us consider the through lines: food, preferably something fatty, but not too much of it; Diet Coke; and a nap in close proximity to your air conditioner and/or fan. -Madison Vain, associate editor
Turmeric, fennel, ginger, mint, and lemon
As someone who has struggled for most of my life with gut/intestinal issues, hangovers can be especially debilitating. There doesn’t seem to be a clinical consensus on how to treat a sensitive stomach, but I've found that a concoction of turmeric, fennel, ginger, mint, and lemon juice often does the trick. Get some food in your belly (eggs, cereal, rice, nothing crazy), and heat up a kettle. Mix the above into some boiling water and let it cook for a bit. Sip it throughout the morning and your stomach will be returned to its original, pre-Fireball-shots-at-3-a.m. state. -Dom Nero, video editor
Spicy, steamy dumplings
The importance of getting some morning-after food in your stomach cannot be overstated. And while the bacon-egg-and-cheese is a nearly perfect food item, getting one also requires leaving my apartment, and that's just not going to happen when the struggle is real. Instead: dumplings. Frozen. Heated in the microwave. It’s easy, cheap, and it gives me an extra three minutes and 45 seconds to lie down. Once fully steaming, drown them in Sriracha and soy. That covers the fatty elements (for comfort), the salt (to get you closer to normal), and the heat (I don’t know why it helps, but it does). That or just go back to bed and sleep for four more hours, which as I get deeper into my 30s is sometimes the only thing that works. -Jonathan Evans, style director
Have a Bloody Mary (or two)
Let me open by telling you how adorable it is to hear people in their 20s and early 30s talking about hangovers. A headache and mildly upset tum-tum? My heart bleeds for you. Let’s talk when you hit around 37, when three glasses of wine with dinner results in a full bore existential crisis the next morning. When you head home early enough for The Daily Show, and still wake up in a body that is made of heat, sand, and ache. They get worse with age, my friends. They get spiritual. That's why any serious drinking must be limited to Friday and Saturday nights. Your hangover will need a special blend of sweatpants, serial napping, and one-to-two Bloody Marys-treats the working stiff cannot give himself on a weekday. For the Bloody, simplicity is key; avoid the places that serve theirs with three shrimp and a full Big Mac on a skewer. You need the sodium of tomato juice, the sinus-clearing action of horseradish, the shame-erasing magic of vodka (tequila if you go Bloody Maria, as I do). Nothing more. If you’ve done your binge drinking on a school night and you have no choice but to report to an office: Alka-Seltzer, the breakfast sandwich of your choosing, and my best wishes. -Dave Holmes, writer-at-large
Have a kid (or two)
This isn't so much a one-time cure as it is a long-term solution to hangovers. Kids don't care if you've had too much to drink the night before. They are unrelenting, whether you've had eight solid hours of sleep or eight martinis. Imagine a hangover. Now imagine laying on your couch trying to force your headache to go away while a toddler jumps on your testicles. That's not a metaphor for the pain. That shit actually happens. So you learn to cut yourself off at a certain point, or you simply do not allow yourself to be hungover. This requires sheer will plus some combination of the cures you've just read-a run will help a light-to-medium strength hangover, so will a Bloody Mary or three-but you do whatever it takes to muscle through. Once you're done, you're probably going to need a drink anyway. -Michael Sebastian, site director
('You Might Also Like',)
