Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Summit Was Exactly What You’d Imagine

Gwyneth Paltrow has officially gone from Goop founder to wellness guru — OK, maybe not officially, but she did host the first ever “In Goop Health” event over the weekend, and by all accounts, it was exactly what you’d expect… but more so. Hosted by the 44-year-old Oscar-winning mother of two, the summit included fancy sustenance, hydrating IV drips, crystal readings, an oxygen bar, jade eggs that have some alleged health benefit when inserted into a woman’s vagina, and something called “aura photography” (no comment). That was just the beginning, though.

Somewhere between 500 and 600 attendees, all of whom paid between $500 and $1,500 to attend, headed to Culver City, Calif., on Saturday to see Goop’s “most requested and shared wellness content” brought to life” firsthand. Most arrived for the 9 a.m. call time, only to discover the programming didn’t start until 10, which gave them roughly one hour to shop a smattering of Goop-branded must-haves, such as $35 water bottles, $195 sweatshirts, and a $198 travel pack, which was made up of a set of canvas bags containing a sleep mask and earbuds (which first class cabins usually give you for free), a few magnesium packets, and a moisturizer.

In addition to shopping sprees, guests enjoyed lectures and panels from a variety of Paltrow’s heroes and pals. Dr. Habib Sadeghi was the first speaker of the day, discussing Cosmic Flow, which was about as new-age-y and incomprehensible as it sounds. There was a panel on “gut health” that insisted both Aleve and kale are extremely dangerous and that we should all avoid eating tomatoes and potatoes.

Other lecturers included Dr. Phil Stutz and Barry Michels, who insisted to attendees that we are all pawns of The Field, which Stutz explained as “the invisible force that makes things happen that you can’t do on your own.” The technicalities got a little complicated, but the theory essentially tells you to wish your reality into being kind of like a repackaged version of “The Secret” (if you missed that phenomenon, lucky you).

There was a panel discussion on motherhood, lamenting the stressors of upper-class parenting like preschool interviews and hiring the right nanny, and a sex panel featuring Jenni Konnner (Lena Dunham‘s BFF and the former showrunner for Girls), who seemed confused about how she ended up there. (As a side note, Dunham was supposed to show up, but didn’t.)

The grand finale was yet to come, however: a panel led by Paltrow and featuring a bevy of her rich and famous (and gorgeous) friends including Cameron Diaz, Nicole Richie, Tory Burch, and Miranda Kerr. While the main topic of discussion was their general fabulousness, Diaz did pipe up to reveal a bit about both her personal and professional life.

Citing the non-stop travel required to keep her film career humming, Diaz explained that three years ago, she just needed a break. “I just went, ‘I can’t really say who I am, to myself,’ which is a hard thing to face up to,” she recalled. “I felt the need to make myself whole.” The answer was to take a step back from acting. Coincidentally, that was also around the time she got married.

Asked by Paltrow why she’d waited so late in the game to tie the knot, Diaz explained, “I think it’s a matter of – I just hadn’t met my husband, you know? I had boyfriends before. And there’s a really, really distinct difference between husbands and boyfriends.” She went on to call Benji Madden, her “partner in life and in everything.” Though she noted they are “two very different people,” she insisted they “share the same values” and are “totally two peas in a pod. We’re totally two peas in a pod. We’re both just weird enough for each other.”

Diaz also praised her better half for showing her that she didn’t have to be a sex object. “We women are objectified so much,” she explained. “And somehow my husband has just been able to kind of show me what it’s like not to have that be apart of a relationship, and being an equal.” In other words, if you don’t feel like inserting a jade egg inside your vagina to tighten its walls for your partner’s pleasure — you don’t have to.

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