“The Golden Bachelor” recap: A rollercoaster week
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It's a sad day in Bachelor Nation, rose lovers. On this, the week before hometown dates, Gerry the Golden Bachelor had to send home three — three! — wonderful women, including the one I was hoping would "win" it all. It's hard to know how to proceed amidst such heartbreak, but proceed we must.
Let's recap!
Another sunny day dawns on the Golden Bachelor mansion, which is eerily empty. What's going on? Have all the women fled because they're too afraid to get their hearts broken? Of course not, silly. Here they are:
ABC The ladies dance in the pool
That's Ellen, Theresa, Leslie, and Susan performing the Hava Nagila in the pool while Sandra watches from the shady comfort of a poolside couch. There are only six women left, and most of them are feeling confident in their relationship with Gerry. "I don't remember the last time I fell for a guy like this," gushes Leslie. Ellen says her connection with Gerry is "more than I could ever imagine."
Faith, however, is a little anxious because she hasn't had a one-on-one date yet. (For the record, neither has Susan or Sandra.) The pressure is really on now, because this is the final one-on-one date of the season before hometowns. And here comes host Jesse Palmer with some even bigger news:
ABC Jesse Palmer delivers some big news
That's right, rose lovers. Only THREE women will be taking Gerry home to meet their loved ones. Why? Who knows! Jesse doesn't say, though my guess is that it's truly just about time: The Golden Bachelor has a shorter season and shorter episodes, so it stands to reason that there would be fewer hometown dates.
Enough speculation. Let's cut to the chase. The final one-on-one date of the season goes to… Faith! I'm not sure, but I think she's excited.
ABC Faith freaks out (in a good way)
Congrats, ma'am. Have fun. (And please don't bring your guitar, okay?)
Gerry picks her up in a yellow Bronco convertible. Do the headlights work? Unclear. Fortunately, it's the middle of the day, so there will be no road trauma for Gerry today. Also, they won't be driving for long.
ABC Gerry and Faith on 'The Golden Bachelor'
You didn't think we'd get through a whole season of a Bachelor dating show without producers cramming two people and a camera operator into a helicopter, did you? They fly over the mansion (of course), and the women all cheer and wave from the pool. "I hate you!" hollers Susan with a chuckle.
After soaring above the Hollywood sign and downtown LA, the pilot lands the whirlybird on an itty-bitty helipad on top of a luxury yacht in the ocean. Faith, who's afraid of heights, almost blacks out during the landing, but everyone lives to smooch another day.
ABC Gerry and Faith on 'The Golden Bachelor'
Though it's been a long time (relatively speaking) since Faith got the First Impression Rose, she and Gerry pick up where they left off, flirting and gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. "I always thought that if some point, I saw my person, I would get a sense of it," says Faith. "And when I looked at you I went, 'Oh my God, this could be my person.'"
Gerry praises her musical talent, and that's what prompts Faith to Open Up™ about her difficult childhood. Music, she says, is what soothed her soul during her "non-traditional" youth. "I lived a lot of time alone, like a homeless teen," she explains. "I didn't have a mother and a father… That kind of childhood made me think, maybe there's something in me that's not whole."
Though Faith says she's happy with the person she's become, that trauma from her childhood has followed her in one way or another throughout her life, including when it comes to the men she's dated. But with Gerry, she can see a relationship with a man who is emotionally open and healthy. And the Golden Bachelor LOVES it. He promises Faith that he'd never make her feel bad for showing her vulnerability, and then…
ABC Faith and Gerry on 'The Golden Bachelor'
Congrats, Faith! You are homeward bound with Gerry the Golden fox in tow. But first, go make out with him in the yacht hot tub.
That night, Leslie, Ellen, Susan, and Theresa are sitting in the living room when Faith comes back from her date, rose in hand. She's a little reluctant to share all the romantic details about her time with Gerry — no one wants to pull a Theresa, after all — but the women insist. Faith fills them in on the helicopter ride and the thrilling trip to the luxury yacht. "That was my dream!" wails Susan. (She was, in fact, just speculating that the group date would be on a yacht.)
It isn't long before most of the women are regretting asking Faith for details. As she goes on and on about the yacht, the champagne, the (untouched) charcuterie, and the "boiling hot" hot tub, everyone listening starts to deflate. "I was fine up until the hot tub, then I got a little nervous," admits Ellen. "A hot tub on The Bachelor is serious."
She's not wrong. And now there are only two roses left. On to the group date!
For tonight's outing, Gerry wants everyone to let their inner child out to play — which is why they've gathered at the world-famous Santa Monica Pier. Man, look at Ellen's Whac-A-Mole stance. She means business!
ABC Gerry and his potential wives play Whac-A-Mole
Still, Sandra wins. But everyone's having fun. "I haven't done things like this since I was a teenager," says Susan. "This is the most serious week because there's only two roses left… And it's great to just not be so serious and go have fun." Omg, rose lovers, look at Sandra having the time of her life on the bumper cars. She is just too cute!
ABC Wheeeee!
Of course, tonight can't all be about skee-ball and rides on the roller coaster. This is everyone's last chance to let Gerry know how they're feeling before he makes his final hometown decisions. "I feel like I'm falling in love with him," says Theresa. "It's been 52 years since I've told a man that I'm falling in love with him… I'm putting my heart on the line."
ABC Theresa pours her heart out
"I don't want you out of my life, Gerry," says Theresa. "I feel like I can't live without you now."
While the Golden Bachelor's reactions to Theresa's outpourings of love seem a little reserved ("That's so nice of you to say" and "Ohhh"), he does agree that they could work as a couple moving forward. "We have so much in common," he says. "It's always a joy seeing you. And I'm especially touched about the things that you just said." Theresa was hoping he'd reciprocate the L-word, but she settles for making out with him on the Ferris wheel instead.
Later, Gerry sits down for a chat with Leslie on the (thankfully stationary) Seaside Swing. They reminisce about their ATV date ("I have a few bruises from our one-on-date… in odd places," he jokes), and then the Golden Bachelor reveals that he woke up that night thinking about her and laughing about their time together. "There's something to that," he says.
Leslie finds this all very reassuring, because she's been struggling with these final days of the "journey." As it turns out, watching the guy you like (love?) take other women on dates is hard — especially when you've been cheated on in the past, as Leslie has. (Someone has to experience this revelation at least once a season, right rose lovers?)
"You're not doing anything wrong," Leslie continues, choking up. "It was feelings that I obviously had because I wasn't chosen."
She starts to cry, and Gerry comforts her. "My feelings for you are really foreign to me," says Leslie through her tears. "I haven't felt that way in a really long time… I'm crazy about you." Gerry thanks her for her honesty, and says he felt "such joy" with her on their one-on-one date. He really loved feeling "protective" of her while they rode the ATVs, which she noticed and appreciated. "Nobody does that for me," says Leslie. "I will," replies Gerry. Oh, my heart!
Gerry whispers sweet nothings to Leslie
Oh, snap! Producers had edited the promos to make it look like he said "You're my girl" to Ellen, but clearly that was a fake-out. That said, the 71-year-old pickleball enthusiast hasn't had her alone time with Gerry tonight, so anything could happen.
"I hope he's feeling as strongly about me as I feel about him," says Ellen. Once the roller coaster comes to a stop, she launches into her speech, telling Gerry how happy she is with him. "I feel like a weight is off my shoulders with you. I feel like it's a team," she says. "I am absolutely falling head over heels in love with you. I can't wait to have my children, my best friend Roberta — I know they would adore you as much as I do." (Poor Roberta. Rest in peace, Ellen's bestie.)
The Golden Bachelor wants Ellen to know that her words have touched him deeply. "I feel it so much," he adds.
Gerry and Ellen smooch
Ugh. Ellen has no idea what's coming. And now she's crying about how much she likes him! "I haven't found someone like him in seven or eight years," she says tearfully. "To want someone so much in my life after all that time is really hard, and wonderful. But scary… I just hope he's feeling the same way."
Ellen is still crying when she gets back to the holding pen. Susan, who no doubt has her own emotions to deal with, still takes the time to comfort her friend. These women are just so, so pure.
At last, it's time for the big reveal. Gerry returns to announce who will get this all-important date rose. Survey says…
Gerry postpones the inevitable
No one! At least, not tonight. "I know the decisions I have to make… affect so many lives. It just sits on my chest, and it's like a heavy weight," explains Gerry. "I can't do this. I can't. It's not something I can do. If I can go one more day and I can have a little bit of clarity, then I'll take the day."
The women are all disappointed, but they all support Gerry's decision. "It's okay, I've waited long enough," says Ellen. "I can wait one more day."
Oh boy, it's rose ceremony time. Look at these glamorous grandmas.
Susan, Sandra, Theresa, Ellen, Leslie, and Faith on 'The Golden Bachelor'
UGH, I hate that we have to say goodbye to any of them. This show really has me questioning my stance on polygamy. But three women — three! — must go home tonight. Let's just get this over with. Rose ceremony roll call!
Leslie and… oh boy, Gerry's crying. How will he announce this final rose? You can do it, sir. Deep breaths!
And the final rose goes to Theresa, which means she and Leslie will join Faith in the Hometown Circle of Safety™. Ellen is, in a word, devastated.
Leslie comforts Ellen
"Oh my God," she whispers. "I'm gonna faint." When Theresa accepts Gerry's rose, Ellen watches sadly. "Okay," she says under her breath. "That's it." The defeat in her voice is almost too much to bear.
Side note: Yes, I'm very sad to see Sandra and Susan go, too, but to be honest, it never really seemed like they had much more than a friendship connection with Gerry. (That said, I do wish Sandra hadn't missed her daughter's wedding only to be sent home the next week.)
After sharing tearful goodbye hugs with Sandra and Susan, Gerry asks to walk Ellen outside so they can have a longer conversation on the Bye-Bye Bench™. Of course, what can he say? The Golden Bachelor wants Ellen to know that sending her home was "the most difficult decision" of the night, but he just had to make the right decision for his future. "I hope you stay positive," he adds. "Because that's you."
Ellen appreciates his words, but she's too upset to speak. "Okay, I gotta go," she says at last, and Gerry walks her to the SUV. As she's driven away, Ellen admits that she was shocked by his decision. "I just thought he was the one," she says.
Still, Ellen has enough lived wisdom and perspective to understand that something good can come from something bad. "This experience has been one of the best experiences of my life," she says. "I have a lot more optimism about love and the possibility of finding love at this stage in my life." That's right, Ellen! Say it with me, rose lovers: Ellen for Golden Bachelorette!
Welp, that was a heartbreaker. But somehow, Gerry's "journey" is almost over. Next week is hometowns, and after that there are just two episodes left. How are you feeling about his final three, rose lovers? Were you as sad as I was to see Ellen go? And did my ears deceive me, or was that Ellen pretending to motorboat Susan's boobs at the end of the episode? Let me know your thoughts on Twitter @KristenGBaldwin!
The Golden Bachelor airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. E/PT on ABC.
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