“The Golden Bachelor ”Fantasy Suites recap: If these boots are a-knockin'...

This week, Gerry took Theresa and Leslie to Costa Rica — and the Fantasy Suites.

This week on The Golden Bachelor, Gerry and his final two women headed to Central America for romantic overnight dates. If you’re triggered by the concept of senior citizens having sex, keep reading at your own risk. Let’s recap!

¡Bienvenido a Costa Rica, rose lovers! Gerry and his final two women, Leslie and Theresa, arrive at The Springs Resort & Spa in Arenal, which is absolutely gorgeous. (My family went on vacation there last year, and I’ll admit that I squealed, “Oh my God, I’ve been there!” when I saw it on screen. Tragic.)

Anyhow, Gerry’s excited for some “closed-door time” with his two final women, which will of course involve asking the tough questions and, perhaps, being “physically intimate.” And yes, the Golden Bachelor means what you think he means.

Short answer: Yes. Gerry even goes so far to suggest to Jesse Palmer that his parents, Bill and Susan Palmer, might still get busy in the bedroom. The host is, in a word, uncomfortable.

Moving on. Gerry loves how “playful” and “authentic” Leslie is, and he admits that he’s fully in love with her. As for Theresa, Gerry appreciates that they both know what it’s like to lose a spouse, and though he hasn’t said “I love you” to Theresa, today the Golden Bachelor wonders if maybe holding that back was a mistake.

But if you thought these two were done talking about “knocking boots,” you were wrong. When Jesse asks Gerry how important “intimacy” is to him, the Golden Bachelor turns it around and asks the host to “define intimacy.” Rose lovers, when I tell you that you can practically see Jesse’s soul leave his body…

Classic. Gerry says he’ll “try to read the room” and if sex seems like a possibility, great. “That would be a moment that I wouldn’t want to rush,” he adds. Still, if Leslie and Theresa are willing, Gerry is all in: “I’m not gonna pass this up! This might be the last time in my life!” Unlikely, sir.

The segment ends with what can only be described as a brilliant homage to those old Cialis ads:

Okay, Gerry. Get out there and choose a tub-mate!

Leslie gets the first date. The Golden Bachelor meets her out in the jungle and informs her that they’ll be rappelling down a 170-foot waterfall. Though she was hoping for a slightly tamer activity like ziplining, Leslie isn’t about to chicken out. “I’m very nervous right now,” she says. “I gave birth three times! I should be able to do this!” That’s the spirit, glamma!

Though the trip down is a little bumpy, Gerry and Leslie make it to the bottom safely — and they share a sweet embrace at the base of the waterfall.

“I am so, so proud of you!” Gerry gushes. After their adventure, he and Leslie enjoy a soak in a picturesque lagoon and share a few smooches. From there, it’s on to the all-important pre-Fantasy Suite dinner. “The opportunity for Leslie and I to have a potential overnight is extremely crucial to me making the ultimate decision in this journey,” says Gerry. Specifically, he wants to discuss some of the “hard questions” they’ve maybe been avoiding.  Leslie’s all, Oh, you want hard questions? I’ll give you hard questions.

Gerry nearly does a spit-take, but he recovers. “Are you talking about by myself or with someone?” he jokes. Though he gives a vague answer (“a long time”), Leslie volunteers that for her, it’s been a year. Then conversation then turns to more “practical” matters, like where they might live should they end up together. Leslie loves her home in Minneapolis, and she doesn’t want to move to Indiana permanently since her family is in Minnesota — but she also wants to be with Gerry. “I think we can figure that out,” she says. “Instead of being bi-coastal, we can be bi-midwestern.”

Gerry LOVES that answer. “You said the magic words: ‘We can figure it out.’” He reiterates that should they end up together, he is in it for the longest of long hauls. “From that moment forward, we are fully committed to each other, and it is, indeed, ‘til death do us part.'”

Leslie is moved to tears. “'Til death do us part' is something that’s foreign to me, because I’ve never had that,” she says. “Even through two marriages, those words were foreign to me.” The dance instructor and inspiration for Prince’s “Sexy Dancer” then goes on to give a heartbreaking speech about how every year on her birthday, she vows that she’s going to meet someone and fall in love before her next birthday. “And every year, it’s like Groundhog Day,” she says, her voice shaking. “I’m alone on my birthday. And I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

SOMEBODY HUG LESLIE RIGHT NOW PLEASE! Also, I am SO MAD at this show for making me bawl like a baby EVERY WEEK!

OMG, the way Gerry scooted his chair over so he could comfort Leslie! This show is truly trying to murder me with its sweetness.

Do I even need to tell you, rose lovers, that Leslie accepts Gerry’s invitation to the Fantasy Suite? Of course, I don’t. And that’s where something truly scandalous happens.

I’m sorry, WHAT? Did Gerry just reveal who he’s picking at the end? Is he going to call down to the front desk and ask them to let Theresa know she can go home? The Golden Bachelor just keeps the “you’re the one” train going. “I have to have you with morning coffee. I have to have you when I go to bed at night,” he says. “I don’t know how we would decide where we would live. We’ll have to figure that out. But I think there’s no one else I’d rather try to figure it out with.”

Well… okay then! I guess all that’s left for these two is to (don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it) knock boots.

The scene ends with Gerry going to find the thermostat because their Fantasy Suite is warm. When Leslie says she likes the temperature set at 69, our Golden Bachelor giggles like a 13-year-old boy. Bless his corny heart. The next morning…

Oh my God, these producers are SO unserious. Never change, you lunatics.

Gerry and Leslie are relaxing in bed, sipping coffee. “People want to know what happens in these Fantasy Suites,” acknowledges Gerry in his confessional. “And quite honestly, I feel like it’s none of their f---ing business!”

Respectfully, sir, you kind of made it everyone’s business when you signed up to find a wife on television…? But let’s not argue. For now, Gerry just wants us to know that his relationship with Leslie was “significantly improved” by their alone time together.

Though last night Gerry literally told Leslie she’s “the one,” it seems that he’s still planning on going through with his date with Theresa. And she’s not just excited, she’s huju excited.

Gerry, though, is having a hard time with the transition from an intimate overnight encounter with Leslie to horseback riding with Theresa through the rainforest. “It feels very odd to have an overnight with Leslie first, and the next day have a full day with Theresa,” he says. “It is getting much more difficult to compartmentalize this.”

Theresa can tell Gerry has something on his mind, because he’s not his usual chatty self during their ride through the rainforest. “Gerry’s really quiet on this horse,” she says. She knows he has “so much on his mind,” but Theresa also needs Gerry to “focus” on their relationship. When they hop off the horse, Gerry admits to Theresa that he’s been feeling a little off. “This is a tough day,” he says. “I have no roadmap for this.”

Theresa tries to be understanding, and she reiterates to Gerry that she loves him, and that her family loved meeting him during hometowns. “I just can see a life with you,” she adds. Producers intercut this with Gerry in his confessional, talking about how sweet Theresa is and how he doesn’t want to hurt her. “I’m looking at Theresa going, ‘My God. What is wrong with you, Turner? She is the ideal woman for you,’” he says. “But at the same time, I’m thinking, ‘What’s Leslie doing right now?’”

Oh boy, things aren’t looking good for Theresa. Or — and hear me out, rose lovers — is that just what producers want us to believe? We all know this is the point in the season when they start trying to psych us out, making us think that one of the final two has it in the bag and the other one is about to get dumped. Is that what’s going on here?

At dinner, Gerry asks Theresa to tell him about her job in securities. (I don’t love the way he phrases the question, which implies that he’s looking for a woman who doesn’t work: “I would kind of like to know what you do, and a little bit about when you’re going to decide that you’re not going to do it anymore.”)

Theresa shares her story, which I’ll admit is pretty impressive. She was working as a homemaker, and then one day she decided to buy her first stock. From there she became a successful day-trader, and then her husband, Billy, suggested she find a full-time job as a trader so they could stop paying out-of-pocket for health insurance. Though she had to compete with a bunch of recent college grads, Theresa got the job she wanted.

She’s still working and loves her job, but — and this part makes me cringe a bit — Theresa says she always figured she’d keep working as long as she didn’t have a man in her life. (Yes, yes, I know she’s from a different generation, but come on, woman! The 1950s called — they want their outdated societal norms back!)

Gerry is impressed. “I feel like I’m in the presence of someone who’s really got their s--- together,” he says with a chuckle. The Golden Bachelor follows the career question up by asking Theresa why she decided to do the show, and she says she had pretty much given up on dating in the years after Billy died. Then her daughter brought her an application for The Golden Bachelor. When she got accepted, Theresa says, she felt that it was meant to be. “I thought, this is probably why I didn’t find anyone — because I was meant to find you,” she explains. “I seriously saw that as fate.”

The Golden Bachelor LOVES it. Oh, and when he told Theresa that he checks in with his late wife Toni “about once a day” to talk about his decisions on this “journey,” I got all weepy. Because that’s what this darn show does to me. Clearly, dinner is going better than the daytime portion of the date. Cut to:

“I haven’t slept with another man since my husband,” Theresa tells us. “And I’m ready. I want to spend the night with Gerry.”

Both Theresa and Gerry are all smiles the next morning as they share coffee on the bed. “Last night was very special,” says Theresa. “He saw a side of me he didn’t know existed.” Oh, really? That’s… interesting. Good for you, ma’am. As for the Golden Bachelor? “I feel like it’s the first day of the rest of my life,” he says. “I realize we understand each other on a fundamental level… Last night, I told her I loved her.”

Well, well, well. How the turntables have turned. A day ago, Leslie was “the one.” Now, Gerry seems ready to put a ring on Theresa’s finger. Mr. Turner, you’ve gotten yourself into quite the pickle. Here’s the worst part about this whole situation: WE HAVE TO WAIT TWO WEEKS TO FIND OUT WHO HE CHOOSES! Darn you, Thanksgiving!

Before you go, rose lovers, a few questions: Do you think Gerry should choose Leslie or Theresa? Would you like to see either of them as the Golden Bachelorette? And what’s your ideal thermostat setting? Let me know your thoughts on Twitter @KristenGBaldwin.

The Golden Bachelor airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.

Sign up for Entertainment Weekly's free daily newsletter to get breaking TV news, exclusive first looks, recaps, reviews, interviews with your favorite stars, and more.

Related content:

• The Golden Bachelor recap: The sweetest Women Tell All ever

• Golden Bachelor host Jesse Palmer reacts to Gerry and Faith's 'real and raw' reunion

• Bachelor blowout weekend weddings: Chris Harrison holds second ceremony, Tia Booth is now married

Read the original article on Entertainment Weekly.