Gisele Barreto Fetterman Shares the Simple Words That Pushed Her Husband John to Seek Help (Exclusive)
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Gisele was able to help her husband, Pennsylvania Sen. John Fetterman, understand the urgency of seeking treatment for his depression after sharing some hard truths about how it looked to their children
Pennsylvania Sen. John Fetterman, 53, has not been a senator four months, yet he's already left his mark on history, becoming one of the most powerful figures in United States politics to spark a real-time conversation about his physical and mental health.
Though the decision to open up about his experience with depression was entirely his own, the senator had a mountain of support behind him — including from his wife, Gisele Barreto Fetterman, 41, who had some deep conversations with him in his lowest moments that helped him realize the need to reach out for professional help.
One of those conversations in particular — about how Fetterman's children would remember him — was a big wakeup call to the senator, who voluntarily admitted himself to Walter Reed Medical Center's neuropsychiatry unit shortly after, on his son Karl's 14th birthday.
"I told him, 'You're an amazing dad. They're lucky to have you. But your kids' memory will be of you being sad all the time,'" Gisele recalls telling him. "I know that upset him at the time, but that's a reality."
"Yeah, she said that," Fetterman adds quietly, appearing to relive the emotion that came with that realization. "That was one of those things that made me understand I had to get better — that my children would remember me as just a really sad sack." ("I didn't say 'sack'!" Gisele says in jest, lightening the mood a bit. Fetterman agrees and clarifies the record: "That's my own word.")
"To love someone is to accept them as they are," Gisele tells PEOPLE. "So of course, I wanted him to be different — I wanted him to know that he deserves the love that he puts out into the world too." But she knew that her power over his mental health only extended so far.
When Fetterman's depression rapidly escalated from mild to debilitating in the weeks between the election and his swearing-in, Gisele made sure their three children, aged 8 to 13 at the time, understood what their father was experiencing and that they did not feel disregarded if their attempts to lift his spirits failed.
"I was like, 'Dad is feeling these things. This is completely separate from you. This is his own thing.' That was a conversation we had to have a lot," she says. "For children, that's particularly hard. And I never wanted them to have to carry that weight." Gisele recalls telling the kids that even if he's struggling, "You deserve to have love and joy in your life still."
Fetterman, who survived a stroke days before winning the Democratic primary election in Pennsylvania's 2022 Senate race, ran against Republican nominee Dr. Mehmet Oz in one of the year's most heated midterm matchups.
As Election Day neared, Fetterman's ultimately successful campaign took a hit when ableist questions arose over whether a stroke survivor was fit to serve in Congress. (During his campaign alone, at least two sitting U.S. senators overcame strokes and returned to work without issue.)
When Fetterman began his term as a senator in January and started to realize that he needed swift intervention in order to get to a functional place, he made the decision to check himself into the hospital — and tell constituents about it, aware that it could invite more doubt about his ability to serve in Congress.
"We knew we were going to be very public about it," Fetterman says of the most recent hospitalization, adding that he feels he owes it to Pennsylvanians to be "completely transparent" about their representative, even if it gives cynics more fuel. "The conversation I had with my team and my family is that I've got to do something or it could end in the most awful way."
Related:Gisele Barreto Fetterman Says She's Received '10 Times' the Hate Mail as Husband John Fetterman
When Fetterman began his wide-ranging treatment at Walter Reed, Gisele says, "I took a sigh of relief" that he was taking steps to address his mental health before something irreversible happened. And so did their kids, she says.
"We're very therapy positive, we believe in it. ... I never wanted there to be shame or stigma in my house about that. So they saw it as a positive," she says of the kids' reaction to his treatment.
Gisele adds that the kids were fans of Stephen 'tWitch' Boss, a dancer and television personality who died by suicide in December — during the same time period that Fetterman was retreating from loved ones. "They saw when [tWitch] took his life, and they're very up-to-date on news and they know that this is something that happens," Gisele says. So for their father: "They were really proud that he made that decision."
Two days after Fetterman checked himself in, Gisele remembers hearing that country music singer Kellie Pickler's husband, Kyle Jacobs, had also died by suicide. Jacobs, like Fetterman, had just achieved a career milestone.
"We always read in the news about when someone has done something terrible and tragic," Gisele says, "and I would love to read more stories about someone saying, 'Hey, I just checked myself in to get help,' instead of the opposite."
For more from Sen. John Fetterman and Gisele Barreto Fetterman's emotional sit-down with PEOPLE, subscribe now to the magazine or pick up this week's issue, on newsstands Friday.
Fetterman's treatment worked wonders on his outlook, he says, and he is now back to a place where feels excited about the work he's doing and, in his personal life, is experiencing joy that he never thought was possible.
"I just want to pay it forward," Fetterman says — by pushing for people to have better access to mental health resources and starting a conversation about the power of seeking help, even if symptoms don't feel urgent just yet.
"I'm going to spend the rest of my career if not my whole life being happy to address this to anybody, any group, or any person walking up to me on the sidewalk," he says. "I don't care if you're a liberal or conservative, Republican or Democrat. We all can be depressed — and we all can get made healthier."
Just two months ago, Fetterman was skeptical that there was a way out of the sudden pit he found himself in. "But I found my way back," he says. "And I'm so grateful."
If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.
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