Our long wait is (almost) over. A year after the Season 5 finale that launched a thousand fan theories, Game of Thrones is preparing to enter new territory in its sixth season, which debuts Sunday, April 24 on HBO. For the first time in its history, the series will venture completely off book, as the writers have lapped the release of author George R.R. Martin’s final two novels. So now, both readers and newbies will be on the same proverbial page when we return to Westeros, Dorne, and points beyond.
As viewers count down the days to Game of Thrones’ return, we here at Yahoo TV are launching our official countdown: #GoTIsComing. Check back here every day over the next month as we explore all of our favorite (and a few of our least favorite) people, places, and things about television’s most addictive show. From Direwolves and Dragons to the shows most hideous deaths and imperiled characters, we’re going to indulge or GoT obsession with the same fervor that Cersei imbibes alcohol. So raise a glass and toast the impending arrival of a long, cruel, and bloody Westerosi winter.
Warning: This post contains spoilers for Game of Thrones Seasons 1-5.
Game of Thrones is not a romance. Despite the occasional forbidden skinny dip or vigorous round of sexual gymnastics, Westeros is not a place where love tends to thrive. Statistically speaking, roughly 100 percent of all romances featured on the show have ended in stabbings. But despite all these traumas and tragedies, one major romance has thrived and bloomed for the entire series run so far: Cersei’s passionate love affair with wine.
Whether she’s slinging barbs at her siblings, mourning dead family members, or throwing a eucalyptus tree’s worth of shade at a social event, you better believe there’s a glass of wine somewhere within Cersei’s reach. So let’s take a minute to appreciate Game of Thrones’ secret best character: Cersei’s wine glass.
This is the sip of a woman who’s just been casually informed by her husband that he will never love her. But do you know who WILL fill the void in Cersei’s heart? You guessed it. Ser Wine.
The beauty of Drunk Cersei is you’re never quite sure which personality she’ll don for social gatherings. Occasionally she’ll suddenly become everyone’s weird aunt… Like the time she met 13-year-old Sansa Stark for the first time and immediately asked her about her period. Aunt Cersei, you’re drunk.
But Cersei’s lack of chill extends beyond parties. Yes, she DOES get buzzed in business meetings, and yes she WILL kick everyone out of the room whenever she needs more alone time with her wine.
Thanks to wine, it’s now safe to say Cersei is the fantasy world version of Elaine Benes. Same catchphrase and everything!
That’s right, it is time for you to leave, it is wine o’clock.
But wine doesn’t just make Cersei surly and violent, it also enhances her scheming capabilities. Note her iconic sip-then-side-eye combo. This means her gears are turning and they are lubricated with strong drink!
That question is rhetorical! There is a clear distinction between idiot and wine drunk, and to be fair, many of Cersei’s worst decisions were made while sober. Like all that Sparrow nonsense in Season 5? Could have been totally averted had she just popped a few more corks, y’know?
Who doesn’t love when Cersei gets wasted and starts talking theology? The people around her, that’s who. But when you’re Queen Regent, you can drink and curse the heavens as much as you want. Guess who will always be there to listen? Ser Wine. He is truly chivalrous in that way.
And when people annoy you right now, Ser Wine will be there to support you when you tell them off.
Would Sober Cersei ever read a hooker like this? Would Sober Cersei even SPEAK to a hooker? Probably not. Nothing breaks the ice and brings the classes together like a wine buzz.
Though Cersei Lannister isn’t known for being the most effervescent woman in Westeros, it doesn’t mean she’s incapable of joy. Take this moment when she nearly even smiled! Yes, it was because she was in the middle of promising certain doom for her brother, but still. Thank you, wine, for keeping the tears away.
Whoops, cheer up, girl! Can’t you see your bestie is just within reach?
That’s more like it. Now let’s just hope Cersei and her liquid beloved will be reunited quickly and passionately this season. A toast to them!
Game of Thrones Season 6 premieres Sunday, April 24 at 9 p.m. on HBO.
Read more of our #GoTIsComing coverage: