The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Mar. 30-April 5)

Brittany Wong
·6 min read

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.

Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!

“You’re so lucky you’re an adult and can do whatever you want”
-My 8yo, on our way to her 7AM hockey game

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 3, 2024 ">

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 3, 2024 ">

10: (looking at an old photo of me) Is this from the 1800s?

Me: You’re grounded.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 4, 2024 ">

My second grader’s homework has me questioning if I passed second grade.

— Marissa 💚💛🌱 (@michimama75) April 4, 2024 ">

[watching a burger king commercial]

me: $5 for two whopper JUNIORS? I remember whoppers being .99 cents!

11: no one CARES about your OLD days.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 4, 2024 ">

No one is more full of hope than a mom who hopes it’s chocolate smeared on the hand soap in the bathroom.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) April 1, 2024 ">

Have kids so 5 can tell you she’s gonna get you a one-way plane ticket so she'll only have a daddy.

— nika (@nikalamity) April 3, 2024 ">

My daughter just asked for Taco Bell before hoop practice lmao , sicko mode and yes I got it for her cus life about choices and she gon learn a valuable lesson today

— $cottiewop. (@blankbankcheck) April 2, 2024 ">

My husband went to the craft store with my kid and brought home three containers of glitter, in case you’re wondering why I changed the locks

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 2, 2024 ">

Me- *Merging in traffic* Am I clear on your side?
13- *continues looking at her phone* Yes

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) April 3, 2024 ">

Was listening to classic rock and my son asked me to turn off the “truck commercial music”

— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) March 31, 2024 ">

5 year old was upset a squirrel ran away “before she could scare it,” & I was like babe why would you want to scare a squirrel & she was like “mom! scaring birds & squirrels is WHAT I DO!” like deeply offended I could be unaware of this central element of her personhood

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 2, 2024 ">

Become a parent, so you, too, can be accused of putting too much yolk in an egg.

— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) April 4, 2024 ">

*in the Louvre*

My Kid: art? more like fart

— Village Person (@SvnSxty) April 2, 2024 ">

Teens have an amazing ability to cram more than you’d ever imagine possible into a trash can to avoid taking it out

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 4, 2024 ">

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 1, 2024 ">

14: can I see your phone to check YOUR screen time today

me: no we're not doing that.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 2, 2024 ">

I said we were having eggs for dinner but it turns out my 1yo’s excitement was because he thought we were having chocolate eggs for dinner and I’m hopeful one day he can forgive me

— Parenting Presently (The Mom Hack) (@presentparent_) April 1, 2024 ">

Why is your kid mad at you today? Mine is mad because I didn’t take him to a restaurant that shut done before he was born.

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) April 2, 2024 ">

Kids talking at bedtime are like the marketing emails which you’ve unsubscribed to multiple times

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 3, 2024 ">

My 14yo asked me to get her ice cream “as a reward for existing,” and honestly? Valid.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 4, 2024 ">

me: good morning

8yo: *angry velociraptor noises*

— meghan (@deloisivete) April 4, 2024 ">

my 8yr old daughter has to touch 3 cats before she can do anything.

we only have two cats.

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 3, 2024 ">

Dads love to tell you who really makes the Kirkland products at Costco.

— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) April 3, 2024 ">

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 4, 2024 ">

My 10yo has been unhappy that we're cracking down on saying rude words, so he's been going around asking all of us to pronounce "Park" backwards, and I'm not even mad because that's displaying some top notch creativity and problem solving skills.

— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) March 30, 2024 ">

My 4-year-old opened a Cadbury Cream Egg and then instinctively opened a mini Kit Kat and used it as a spoon to eat the cream. Taking notes…

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) March 31, 2024 ">

my 7 year old came home from school and told me she learned online safety including not to click links that people you don’t know send you

because you might end up with a fungus

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 3, 2024 ">

I can have a clean house or I can keep my kids off screens, you can’t have it both ways Karen!

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 4, 2024 ">

13yo: ah, yes, Easter, when Jesus un-dies so I get chocolate eggs

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) March 31, 2024 ">

My 3yo called a muddy puddle a “muddle” and I think he’s on to something

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) April 3, 2024 ">

Kids are like cats but instead of giving you gifts of dead animals they leave you clogged toilets to be found the next morning.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 3, 2024 ">

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