Flocks of hungry brands descend on Twitter to get in on Queen Elizabeth II's death

·4 min read
HRM Queen Elizabeth II looks with delight upon her favorite recording artist, Crazy Frog.
HRM Queen Elizabeth II looks with delight upon her favorite recording artist, Crazy Frog.

Queen Elizabeth II died yesterday. As the first British monarch to shrug off this mortal coil (and, presumably, the many precious jewels she was wearing at the time) during the internet age, we’ve been able to witness reactions to her death in real-time. This has given us celebrities expressing their grief, from John Lydon tweeting an unironic send-off to Paris Hilton dubbing Elizabeth II “the original girl boss.”

It has also, of course, inspired the brands to get in on the action with their own posts.

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Each selection we’ve curated here is noteworthy in its own right, but none can be outshined by Lockheed Martin and Raytheon, which tweeted their “condolences and sympathies” for the death of a solid rival for their titles as historic symbols of global desolation and widespread human misery.

No slouches themselves, a few of the United Kingdom’s favorite food franchises dried their eyes and sat down at the keyboard to pen their farewells, too. Gregg’s took a break from posting about sausage rolls to tweet out its sadness, Domino’s Pizza UK is apparently in “mourning,” Heinz’s UK Twitter account is, it writes, “deeply saddened” by the news, and the official British Kebab Awards needs a bit of time to collect itself. Pizza Express, every (alleged) royal pedophile’s preferred pizza chain, also wants everyone to know it’s pretty broken up about things, too.

British sex shop chain Ann Summers wished for Elizabeth II to “sleep well” (which, combined with its lingerie offerings, certainly conjures up some unfortunate imagery), Playmobil shared a somber photo of a plastic old lady figure, and Legoland locations in England and the United States have posted messages, with the former closing today “out of respect.” London’s Shrek’s Adventure! attraction has also shared its condolences and promises that we, flesh and blood people, and the green CGI ogre Shrek are “united in our loss.”

British dollar store equivalent Poundland is currently in mourning and Cash Converters UK, which describes itself as “the UK’s leading retailer of second-hand goods and pawnbroking” tweeted, too, the latter’s post consisting of either sincere grief or a desire to cozy up to the Royal Family in order to get a few of the world’s finest, questionably obtained “second-hand-goods” traded into its stores.

Elsewhere, the official accounts for the musicals Hamilton and Les Misérables expressed their support for the institution of monarchy. (The Les Mis tweet has since been deleted, but is screencapped by @musicallaneous below.)

And lastly, though we highlighted it previously, we cannot overlook Crazy Frog’s expression of grief and share our own hope that the cartoon character can treat us to a rendition of “God Save The Queen” with some of its horrible amphibian noises all over it.

Seeing all of these reactions and feeling all of the grief running through brand Twitter today, we just hope that Little Debbie and Sunny Delight are holding up okay.

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