Fact-Checking the New 'Bachelor' Promo

·Editor-in-Chief, Yahoo Entertainment

Let the countdown begin, rose lovers! We’re less than two months away from joining aggressively nice new Bachelor Ben H. on his “journey” to find love or some approximation thereof. And ABC is so excited about their new Chief Rose-Giver and Heartbreaker that they’ve decided to bend the truth a little bit in their first official promo. Let’s fact-check, shall we?

Dubious Claim No. 1: “There have been many perfect Bachelors.”

Do we really need to go into why this is patently untrue? I didn’t think so.

Dubious Claim No. 2: “This season we’re giving you… the perfect Ben.”

False! Unless Ben Franklin is the new Bachelor (and barring any kind of Dr. Frankenstein-type black magic, I doubt that’s going to happen), this claim does not hold up.

Related: ‘The Bachelor’ to Celebrate 20th Season With Gloriously Gaudy Rose Parade Float

Dubious Claim No. 3: “Cheers to the hottest man in America!”

False! The hottest man in America is obviously John Slattery.

Dubious Claim No. 4: This show deserves an Emmy for Outstanding Achievement in Finding New Ways to Let Women Degrade Themselves (and By Extension All Women)

True! And I give you… the twins.

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Of course, that doesn’t mean I won’t watch. See you in 2016, rose lovers!

The Bachelor premieres Monday, Jan. 4 on ABC.